


Would Like To Meet

by TheAlchemistsDaughter



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: A/B/O, Age Difference, Alpha!Rey, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Anal Fingering, Ben has never had a heat before, Ben thinks Ben sucks, Care-Taking Kink, Cervix Fucking, Chapter 2 certainly, Come Eating, Dirty Talk, Dom/sub, Edging, F/M, Femdom, Forced Masturbation, Gentle femdom, He comes in his pants but tbf she makes him, Heat Sex, Internet Dating, Knotting, Not Really Spanking, Older Man/Younger Woman, Omega!Ben, Orgasm Control, Pet Names, Phone Sex, Praise Kink, Restraints, Rey is a Domme and Ben just goes along with it, Rey is a switch, Rey is in therapy but she ignores it in this case lol, Rey is soft baby, Rey thinks Ben is the absolute tits, Rey tries to be good but she's not perfect, Rey's wet panties go IN Ben's mouth, Reylo - Freeform, Rimming, Sex Toys, Sexting, Size Difference, Size Kink, Some negotiation but not enough, Switching, This is going to be mostly porn, background stormpilot, dunno what that's called, female knotting, hook-up app, omega!kylo, rimjob
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-12
Updated: 2019-09-20
Packaged: 2020-05-02 06:44:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 47,045
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19193788
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheAlchemistsDaughter/pseuds/TheAlchemistsDaughter
Summary: Tired of being sexiled and sexless, alpha Rey goes on alpha-omega dating app A2O. There she finds a new profile for KyloRen, a male omega in her area who is too old and way too big to be considered a catch. His heat is in less than a week.Her therapist is always telling her she can't save everybody and she doesn't owe this guy anything, but when he messages her, she can't pretend to be indifferent. She tells herself she just wants to get laid, that it's just for his heat, and that it's just pheromones making her think he's perfect for her.****“Oh!” Rey exclaimed.He glanced at her, and a blush crawled over his cheekbones.“You’re, er, you’re really… close, huh?”He scratched his neck. “I may have miscalculated.”He smelled like… she couldn’t describe it. She’d never been very good at that. A swimming pool maybe. Not chlorine, but hot and glittery and playful but dangerous too if she wasn’t careful. Some secret place that could envelope her entirely, where she could lose hours.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Whooo boy, I really learned some stuff about myself writing this >.>
> 
> The sex scene is taking me forever though so I thought I'd post the pre-porn preamble as a first chapter. Hopefully it won't be long before the rest is up!

Rey hated heat-matching apps. Every alpha and omega had them on their phone, but Rey rarely looked at hers. It was just that she was currently sexiled – again – from the apartment she shared with Finn because Poe was there, and she’d been in this Starbucks for an hour and a half already, and she’d exhausted all other social media and, well, it had been a while for her. So rather than alternate between Twitter, Tumblr, Instagram or Pinterest yet again (she’d even checked her emails and her online banking app) she opened A2O.

A2O, or Alpha-to-Omega, was the biggest heat-matching app, because it wasn’t blatantly about sex, in its marketing at least. There was still some romance in it. It had the best user-interface, the widest user-base, and nudity was banned in posts, so no dick and/or slick pics would offend her eyes this evening. She filled in the boxes from the drop-down menus.

I am a: Female Alpha

Looking for a: Male Omega

She set her location.

And the search results crashed to eight entries. Rey sighed. She knew it wasn’t easy. Female alphas were rarer even than male omegas, and most male omegas wanted a male alpha. Of the results she got back, only three had been active in the last two months. Two of those were fine with either male or female alphas, which meant they would be pulling from a much larger pool in which Rey would be far from the biggest fish. The other one was new. He had such a dark profile pic she couldn’t even make out what she was looking at from the thumbnail. She clicked to visit _KyloRen_ ’s profile.

She winced. He was 32. That was not a cute age for a male omega.

Her jaw dropped. He listed his height as six-three. For an omega, that was practically unfuckable. He might as well have just said he was Bigfoot.

Intrigued, or maybe just morbidly curious, she pulled up his photo album. He only had one photo, some kind of beach promenade setting with a black smudge at the end. His long black hair tangled around his face and he was wearing sunglasses. What she could see of his features didn’t scream attractiveness.

Rey shook her head. Poor guy. He clearly had no idea what he was doing. That profile pic announced one thing: that he was ashamed and didn’t want anyone he knew to find his heat-matching profile. He wasn’t going to get any bites like that. The sad truth was that the trend was for young, small omegas. They were expected to be mated by twenty-six, which was probably why Rey was struggling now having just hit that age-bracket. The old faithfuls she might have called up in a pinch had all mated and settled down. Conversely, alphas didn’t begin to be taken seriously until they were almost thirty, so younger omegas who could do better than Rey, did.

She really didn’t want to wait three years before she could have sex again. Sure, there were always betas, but they weren’t the same. Her knot freaked them out, and worrying about it usually kept her from enjoying herself enough to form one anyway.

 _KyloRen_ … He was too old, too big, and too cagey. At that age, he had to have something seriously wrong with him to still be single; either that, or he was widowed, divorced, abandoned one way or another, and would probably cry all over her if they had sex. And, as her therapist Amilyn kept telling her, it was not her job to fix people. She needed to remember that, even if she did get kicked out of her home for hours at a time because her smell might stop Poe from making a move on Finn.

Rey knew other omegas of course, but it was… messy. Rose (and Rey) didn’t fancy women, Finn was into Poe and didn’t want to ‘ruin their friendship’, and everyone else tended to give her a wide berth around heat season as if she’d snap, or she was weird, or they were holding out for someone better, which they were.

As an alpha, it chafed to always be last place.

Hence A2O.

She clicked on Kylo’s bio.

It was the worst she’d ever seen.

_Male omega looking for heat partner, not commitment. Interested parties only._

Wooooooow, so he had a sparkling personality to back it all up. She looked at his heat dates and her eyebrows shot up. She looked at the date in the corner of her screen to double-check. He had five days. She scrolled up to look at when he’d joined the site. Two days ago. He clearly was not interested in getting to know anyone.

Rey shook her head as if to dislodge him. No need to waste any more time on Mr Ren. He’d either find someone or he wouldn’t, he wasn’t her problem. She tapped back to her search results. Four of the entries hadn’t been active since 2015. One of them was 18 – no way. Rey sighed again. Slim pickings. It didn’t look like she would be getting any action any time soon.

She navigated to her profile. Everything still looked good to her. How long had it been since she’d had a message that went anywhere? Maybe she should add a new photo, to make the algorithm give her a little bump. She snapped a selfie, hoping she looked ‘natural’ instead of sloppy with her hair tied back in buns and her old college T-shirt. She uploaded it, then, out of curiosity, reversed her search criteria to pull up all the straight female alphas in the state. One was a 49-year-old dominatrix posing in latex with a whip, one was 18 (again! Kids these days), and one had been inactive for eleven months. If Kylo needed a partner, Rey was the obvious choice. At least, she hoped she was. He’d created his profile two days ago, and hadn’t messaged her.

But she wasn’t going to get bent out of shape about that. She wasn’t going to feel rejected by a complete stranger on an app of all things. Most omegas didn’t initiate contact, that was more of an alpha thing. She didn’t think Mr 32-year-old, six-foot-three would have a problem initiating, but what did she know?

He could have kids already. She didn’t want to get involved with that. She closed the app. With a huff, she stood to go and look in a nearby bookstore instead.

***

With three days to go until _KyloRen_ ’s heat, she checked his profile again, just to see. Nothing indicated he’d found anyone. He’d posted another photo though, a poorly-lit arm’s length selfie that cut off the top half of his head. He was wearing a black T-shirt under an open black button-down, and maybe slacks or black jeans. Not exactly informative. It made Rey smile, it was so inept. This guy was clueless.

Three days to go though. He must be worried. Rey chewed her lip, then Amilyn’s voice came back in her head. She couldn’t save everyone. She couldn’t fix everything. It was a consequence of growing up an alpha in foster care to want be a people-pleaser, a hero, but as Amilyn explained, most people found that smothering and that was why her relationships failed. She exited the app and put her phone face-down and focused on the TV show she was watching with Finn.

The next day, with two days to go, not that she cared because she wasn’t going to do anything, she got a notification on her phone it took her a moment to recognise the little logo for. Then she did. It was A2O. She clicked immediately.

KyloRen: _Hello. I am looking for a heat partner. Are you free?_

Her thumb hovered as she thought how to reply. To her own surprise, she wanted to say yes. She decided to play it cool.

Rey: _When for?_

Yes, she used her real name. Everyone was on these apps anyway.

KyloRen: _Two days._

She paused again. So he was running out of time and messaged her because he was desperate. She still wanted to say yes, because she wanted to save him, and just as Amilyn’s voice started to warn her in her head, her own voice interrupted, louder, saying why not? Why couldn’t she save just one little thing, why couldn’t she have this one win? He needed saving. She was available. End of discussion. But saying yes so quickly would make her look like she was going rob or murder him. She just hoped he wasn’t going to rob or murder her.

Rey: _Coffee?_

KyloRen: _Tomorrow?_

She could almost smell the desperation in that one word coming off her screen.

Rey: _Sure :)_

They arranged a time and place.

***

With one day left, Rey was sitting in another Starbucks in the busy city centre, neutral ground. It gave her no hints as to where this guy lived, which was evidently the idea.

She was sitting in an armchair at an annoyingly small table that didn’t even reach her knees so she had to sit all the way forwards to reach her cup, but the café was busy. She fiddled with her phone nervously, trying to keep herself busy until he arrived. He stood a much better chance of recognising her than she did of him, what with his photos being what they were, so she put that burden on him.

The door opened and, scratch that, she definitely recognised him.

He hadn’t lied about his height. He filled the doorway and Rey just stared. He looked around, rubbing his hands and hunching as if he was cold, then scootching to the side to let a couple of teenage girls past, the movement forcing him into the shop and the door falling closed behind him.

Rey didn’t consider herself an _adult_ -adult. She was twenty-six, but she was still in uni on her postgrad programme. She rented an apartment she shared with her friend and lived frugally off her grant money. It wasn’t like she had a career or property or even a car. This guy looked like a full-blown adult, like he might scowl at her from across the room if she laughed too loudly. He definitely read the news and didn’t watch reality TV.

He was not just tall but _broad_ , and in real life his black hair swept back from his face _very_ nicely. He was pale, with a big nose and a big mouth, big hands, big everything. His dark eyes scanned past her, then doubled back when he registered her staring at him. Rey could see his throat bob from across the room when he swallowed. He dropped his eyes and walked over.

She smiled. She was nervous too, but her primary feeling was that she wanted to know more about this man. She could take charge if he needed her to. Amilyn’s voice told her not to think like that. She told her to shut up.

He hovered by the chair opposite her. “Er, hi, Rey? Is it?”

“Yeah, hi,” she beamed, gesturing at him to sit down.

He folded himself in. He was so tall it looked like quite a project, hinging at the knees as he tried to avoid the low table, trying to find somewhere for his long feet. Once he was settled, he looked her over. “You have long legs,” he said.

Rey blinked. Not exactly a compliment. “Yours are longer.”

“Oh. Right.” He rubbed his palms on his knees, avoiding her eyes. She wondered if he was sensitive about his height and she’d just put her foot in it.

Then his smell penetrated the vanilla coffee air around them.

“Oh!” Rey exclaimed.

He glanced at her, and a blush crawled over his cheekbones.

“You’re, er, you’re really… close, huh?”

He scratched his neck. “I may have miscalculated.”

His scent made her wet. It might be indelicate to put it that way, but delicacy was one of the first things to go when she was in alpha-mode, especially horny-alpha-mode. He smelled like something she wanted to sit on and the throbbing between her legs agreed. If he said he wanted to start now, she’d agree. He smelled like… she couldn’t describe it. She’d never been very good at that. A swimming pool maybe. Not chlorine, but hot and glittery and playful but dangerous too if she wasn’t careful. Some secret place that could envelope her entirely, where she could lose hours. She felt the warm flush that meant her skin was flooding the air with her scent in response, trying to attract him.

He made a noise half-way between a whimper and clearing his throat, then wiped his nose against his shoulder.

“Are you going to get coffee?” she asked, grasping for a safe topic to get them back on track.

He looked at the table in front of him, then at her cup. “No,” he shook his head. He had his hands pressed between his knees and Rey got the impression he was resisting bouncing his leg up and down.

She waited for him to ask her a question, but he just looked off to the side.

“So, will I do?” she asked.

He glanced back at her. “What?”

“Will I do? That’s what you came here to find out, right?”

He seemed to understand from her tone that he wasn’t making a great impression. He pushed his hand through his hair, drawing her eyes there for a second. “Sorry, I- it’s just-”

Rey had tried, she had really tried, to keep it normal and casual, to not try too hard or get her hopes up, but hearing him struggle tipped her over into full let-me-take-care-of-you, it’s-okay-I’m-here-now alpha mode. “Is it too much for you? Being here? You should be home, in bed.”

He held her eyes and something in them responded, softening, opening. “It’s- I- I wanted to meet you,” he offered. He cleared his throat and tried again, stronger. “I needed to, if you’re going to…”

“Do you want me to take your heat?” she asked, her voice low, fighting with herself to hold back any pressure that would make him say yes.

He swallowed again and dropped his eyes. “Yes,” he almost whispered. Rey was most of the way out of her chair when he stopped her. “But you should know-!”

She sank back into the chair reluctantly, dreading what he would say. STD? Family of five? Lives with his parents? Wanted by the police? House being fumigated? Extreme kink? Swastika tattoos?

He blushed again, cheeks turning pink under the curtains of black hair as he looked away from her. “I haven’t done this before.”

Rey waited for him to elaborate but nothing more was forthcoming. “You mean, A2O hook-ups?”

He shook his head.

“You’re a _virgin_??” she whispered, as nicely as she could.

“No!” That made him look at her at least. “No, I mean, I haven’t… I’ve only been with betas. I’ve never had a heat before.”

Rey blinked. That was almost stranger. “Ever?”

He shook his head.

“How…? If you don’t mind me asking.”

“I’ve been on suppressants since I was fourteen.”

 _Fourteen?!_ “Why?”

He huffed out a sigh. “My mother wanted to… protect me.”

“Right.” Rey wasn’t going to touch that one. _Mommy issues_. “What changed?”

He shrugged. “I thought maybe I was missing out.”

An omega who’d never had a heat. It made Rey feel kind of sad, like she felt sorry for him. She didn’t think she had a magic vagina or that she was God’s gift to omegas or anything, and heats objectively sort of sucked, but to _never_ have one… To be cut off like that from his own nature, and never once feel that connection that formed, if only for a couple of days, to never know what a mating _could_ be… It explained why he was still single. It might also explain why he was so _big_ , if he’d spent most of his life on hormone treatments. “Do you know what to expect?” she asked.

“Only what everyone does.”

“Okay.” She had to hold herself back from telling him she would take care of him, she would handle everything, she would make his first heat a good one, she would show him how it could be. She wanted to tell him everything then, teach him, erase that feeling of missing out.

He looked at her from the corner of his eye. “Do you still want to…?”

“Yes, I’ll help you,” she said. She forced a smile to reassure him. She didn’t feel like smiling. She felt like pulling him up out of that chair and hustling him back to his place where she could put him to bed with cold compresses and sugary treats until his dick needed her. “Today?”

He looked taken back. “Uh, I thought-”

“Tomorrow? Tonight?” She was giving him the choice. She was at his disposal.

“Tomorrow should be fine. I’m not sure-”

“Morning? What time? Where?”

“Um…”

Rey pushed out another smile. “Sorry, that was a bit alpha. Why don’t I give you my phone number, and you can text me the details.” Compromises. She was learning. She leant forward in her chair, waiting for him to get his phone out, which he obligingly did. She told him her number and he put it in.

“And what’s your name?”

“Huh? Oh, it’s Rey, same as on A2O,” she said with a smile.

“You used your real name?”

“Yeah, I mean… most people think it’s fake anyway.”

“They do?”

She shrugged. “Do I get to know your real name?”

He looked at his phone. He seemed to have a real problem looking at her, and she tried not to take it personally. “It’s Ben.”

Rey grinned. She wouldn’t say he looked like a Ben, but just the fact that he’d given her his name pleased her in that alpha way. It felt like a gift. He trusted her enough for that.

With that out of the way, and recognising that she had got too invested, Rey downed her coffee. She was uncomfortably turned on, and she didn’t like him being out in public like this, not when his impending heat was earmarked as hers to take. She didn’t want any other alpha to come along and bother them.

“If you’re not getting coffee, should we just go? You should be home,” she said.

“Oh! Sure, if you… if you want.” He stood and they walked out together. He held the door for her and when she squeezed past him, she had to focus on not letting her hands land on his stomach or his chest. They hesitated outside the door. It had been too brief a meeting, and now they were to go their separate ways.

“Are you sure you don’t want me to just come with you now? We don’t have to do anything. I’ll just ta-” Rey cut herself off. It was too soon to be telling him she would take care of him.

He stood up straight, pushing his shoulders back as if they hurt, looking over her head to scan their surroundings as he thought about it. Rey waited, trying to stay calm and not take it personally. It was his decision. She would see him tomorrow. The fact that she hadn’t packed a bag or anything wasn’t even a consideration for her. She hoped he’d say he wanted her now.

He groaned, his shoulders curling back down, and he rubbed his face with his big, _big_ hands. “I don’t know. I haven’t done this before. How long do you think I have? I don’t want to get home and just need to call you out again.”

He was babbling. It was adorable. Rey stopped him with a hand on his arm, then smiled and stepped into him. She had to almost go up on tip toes to get close to his skin, but she drew a circle with her nose and inhaled. He was frozen solid, watching her. She sank back onto his heels and he shivered.

“You might have a few hours. I’d be surprised if you make it to tomorrow,” she told him.

He swallowed, throat bobbing again and it made Rey want to _do things to him_. “So… Do you think you need to- you should-?”

Rey was wet and pulsing. Amilyn’s voice was silent in her head. It had been a long time since she had been able to- to- well, just take _care_ of someone the way she was _made_ to.

“It’s not about what I need, or what I _should_ do. I want to do what you want me to do.” _Ask me,_ she thought. _Ask me._

Ben held her eyes. His were so dark, almost black, like his hair. “I think… it would be better… if you came with me now.”

Rey’s face split in a grin. “Then let’s go!” she said, hopping to his side and putting her arm through his – _so everyone would know he was spoken for_ – “But since we’ve got time, we can stop at a store and get me some things I need?”

Ben nodded, his eyes on his feet, but he didn’t pull his arm out from under hers.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hold onto your hats, this is where this earns its tags.

Ben was clearly loaded. He had a fancy condo in a high-rise. Rey was practically vibrating with anticipation as he unlocked the door. The plastic carrier bag dangled and swung from his fist, holding underwear, a toothbrush, facewash, Gatorade, energy bars, lube, all the heat essentials. Ben’s blush still hadn’t faded entirely from when she’d put it in her basket, but he’d still carried the bag without her asking.

Now they were inside and no one else was around, she could smell him even worse. He was sweating, his hair just a little damp at his hairline, and his jeans looked swollen behind his zipper. Rey almost whimpered as her cunt clenched eagerly. _Soon, soon_.

Ben opened the door and threw his keys on a table by the door. He took off his coat and hung it up without looking at her, moving through the routine determinedly. Rey shut the door behind her and stared at him. She had cornered her prey at last, but she shouldn’t pounce on him and freak him out. She forced herself to take her coat off and pass it to him. She smelled a waft of her own scent and pheromones freed from next to her skin, demanding and thick. Ben’s hand shook and the plastic handles of the bag trembled audibly.

“Ben.”

He glanced at her. He looked terrified.

“Do you want to talk about it, or just get to it?”

He squeezed his eyes shut and turned away from her, his hand still on her coat.

“Hey… If you’ve changed your mind, I’ll go. Don’t be afraid.”

He took a big breath through his mouth. “I’m not afraid. Don’t go.”

“Okay.”

“Can I get you a drink?” he asked. Good manners seemed to be his refuge, polite rules of etiquette providing a map he could follow.

Rey could indulge that. “Please.”

He walked away into the kitchen and Rey wondered if she should follow or if he wanted to put space between them, breathe some clean air. She let him get out of sight, then took her shoes off.

“What do you want?” he called to her, and she went to stand in the doorway. He was pulling things from different cupboards, arranging them like a free bar on his dining table. Rey smiled at the spread. Since he was offering, she went over and poured three fingers of rum into the glass, then cracked a can of coke. Caffeine, sugar, and alcohol. The magic mix.

“Thank you,” she said, taking a mouthful. “You should have something too.”

He nodded and poured the same amount of rum, then downed it without the coke.

“Don’t be nervous,” she said. “I’ll take care of you.” Fuck it. “It’ll be good.”

He groaned and put the back of his hand to his forehead, tipping the empty glass and closing his eyes again.

Rey went to him. She put her glass down on the counter behind him. “Hey… What’s wrong? Tell me,” she murmured softly, pinching the sides of his T-shirt and letting the weight of her hands pull on it so he could feel her without touching.

“It’s just a lot,” he muttered.

“What? How you feel? Physically?”

He nodded.

“Okay. I’ll make it better. Soon. First, let me ask you a few questions, okay? A few rules. I want to know what you want.” She waited until he looked at her, then kept her voice soft and soothing. “What do you want me to call you while we’re in bed together? Ben? Omega? I like to use pet names, but if you don’t want me to, I won’t.”

He shivered, then blushed. “You can call me any of those.” It looked like it cost him something to admit that.

Rey smiled wide, letting him know he had pleased her. “Okay. Do you want to kiss, or not?”

He glanced away in alarm. “I- I don’t know- Is that-?”

She smoothed her hand down his side. “Ssh. Okay, I won’t until you want me to. You can kiss me, or ask me, at any time.” It wasn’t something she’d pushed for with any of her other partners. It felt a bit cold not to kiss with a beta, but omegas were different. If it was just heat-sex, boundaries were important.

She stroked him again. He looked cut up. She stepped closer, lining her body up with his. He was even taller now she’d taken her shoes off and he hadn’t. “There’s nothing wrong with what you want, or what you are. If this is the only time you do this, get everything you want out of it, okay?”

He hesitated, maybe embarrassed that she had read him like that, but he nodded.

“Okay. Go get comfortable. Shower, change, do whatever you want to do. Take off whatever you want to take off, leave on whatever you want to leave on. Then lie on the bed for me. I’m going to sit here and finish my drink. Then I’m going to strip to my underwear and come and find you. Sound good?”

“Rey, I-” he started with a sudden urgency, then stopped as if the words got caught in his throat.

She gave him a moment to force them out, but when nothing came, she stepped out of his way and gave him a pat on the ass. “Go on, baby.”

He threw her a look over his shoulder, surprised by but not objecting to the name, then he left the kitchen.

Exhaling slowly, Rey lowered herself into a chair at the table and sipped her drink. She deserved a sainthood. She was slick and aching, and Ben was testing her all right. She pressed her glass to her forehead just like he had done to try to calm down. Then she texted Finn to let him know she wouldn’t be home for a few days, emailed her professors that she wouldn’t be on campus.

When she didn’t hear the shower after ten minutes, she downed what was left of her drink and stood, letting her clothes drop. She left the kitchen and went to find his bedroom. The door was open and his scent led her straight there. She was too late.

Ben was lying on his side, shirtless, his jeans half-way down his ass and ripped open at the front as he fisted his cock. His face was smothered in the bend of his elbow, his forearm covering half his face. There was so _much_ of him. Every part of him was thick, managing to look soft and hard at the same time. Rey’s mouth turned to sand. She could never wear him out, she realised. She could never be too much for him. If anything, he might be too much for her. Her pussy clenched painfully at the thought. She couldn’t see all of his cock, but it looked long from where his hands were.

Maybe he heard her, maybe he smelled her, but he stiffened suddenly, stopping, his eyes rolling to look at her, embarrassed.

She’d had enough of that look on his face. She swallowed dryly and pulled up a smile. “Good,” she almost croaked. “Good,” she encouraged again, stepping into the room. “Keep going. Can you come for me? Can you come looking at me? Or looking away from me, like I’m not even here. Are you going to come in those fucking jeans for me and make yourself so dirty because you can’t wait-” She cut herself off. Her voice had shifted, she’d gone a bit too alpha for this early in the proceedings, and he was skittish as it was. She dug her nails into her palms. “I’m sorry. Would you rather I left the room?” She smiled like a Stepford Wife.

Uncertain after her outburst, he nonetheless shook his head, face still masked by his arm.

“Okay. Ben. What would you like?” She waited long enough for him to answer, in her opinion anyway, before rushing on. “Would you like to hear what I would like?”

_Say yes, say yes, say yes…_

He nodded.

She moved close enough to sit on the bed and he moved to straighten himself out.

“No, no, no, no, no!” she stopped him, holding her hands out. He flinched. She forced her smile back on. “Don’t move. I liked exactly what you were doing. Can you do that again?”

He rolled so he was curled on his side, watching her suspiciously.

“And your arm was across your face like that, and your hand- your hand was… That’s right.” She licked her lips as she watched him fold himself up exactly as he had, with one big hand on his big red cock. “Can you make yourself come? For me? I’d like to see it.”

He started a slow stroke, his eyes closing on a shudder of pleasure.

“That’s it. Good. Thank you, baby. I like it.”

He whimpered then, so quietly it was almost inaudible, but something sadistic reared up inside her. She wanted to hear more of those, and she wanted to wreck him to do it. She wanted to take care of him, yes she did, by making him come until he cried. She pushed that back down. She’d do what she could, but he might not like it, and she’d stop if he wanted her to.

As he pumped himself, she felt like her pussy was melting. Her thighs were wet. She was so turned on she felt violent with it. She put her hand on the other side of his long bare feet, his ankles and shins between it and the rest of her body where his legs were curled up, but still not touching him.

“God, Ben, you’re doing so well. I love it. I’m so wet. You’re making me hurt with wanting you. I can’t wait to have you inside me, I want to fuck you so much, I want to fuck you, Ben, don’t stop. Come for me, okay? You will, right? I want to see it. I want to see you shoot, I want to see it flying out of you.”

He pumped harder, faster, and pulled his face out of his arm. “Rey, you can- you can touch me…”

“Ssh, I know, baby, not yet though, okay? You’ve got to do it once on your own.”

“I didn’t mean- I meant anywhere,” he moaned.

“I know. Still. Show me.”

He grunted, throwing his hips into his fist. Rey watched as he screwed his eyes shut and turned his face into the pillow, tendons standing out in his neck, his skin pink. His whole body tensed, hips sticking on a thrust, his fist immobilised on his cock, then white come was stringing out onto the covers.

Rey grinned, her breath just as fast as his as he unlocked his jaw to breathe again and his colour rescinded. “Good! That was perfect!” She felt euphoric. He had done _exactly_ as she’d asked. She bounced off the bed and walked around to the other side, into his field of vision. Reaching behind her, she unhooked her bra and shrugged out of it, then leant over the bed. His eyes went wide. “Watch me,” she told him.

Then she bent, her small tits shifting on her chest to hang down as she put one hand and one knee on the bed and licked his come.

Ben gasped. “Rey!”

“Watch me, Ben,” she repeated, the beginning of a warning in her voice, and then she licked it all up. His omega flavour made her brain feel fizzy and she moaned, closing her eyes to enjoy it. When she opened them again, he was staring at her in slack-jawed arousal. “Can you do it again?”

“What?”

“Can you? How do you feel? How’s your heat?”

“Better…”

“Okay. It’s going to get worse. You’ll need to come again. You’re going to come a lot tonight, you know that, don’t you? Why don’t we get a few out of the way now?” She smiled, tilting her head like a puppy.

He blinked, at a loss.

“Can you roll onto your knees? Can you do that for me?” She rolled off the other side of the bed and walked around to him. He stared at her. She reached out and ran a finger up his half-hard cock. He jumped. This wasn’t what she had planned on doing with him, making him jump through these hoops, but she told herself she would make it up to him. Once he was inside her, she would take _good_ care of him. She’d stop playing games. But really, it had been so long since she’d had the opportunity to play the way she wanted to, and she wasn’t likely to get the opportunity again any time soon.

“On your knees?” she reminded him softly, and he started to turn sluggishly. She helped him, guiding him with her small hands until he was sitting back on his heels. Then she took his hand and held it up to her face. She held his eyes and licked his palm, from his wrist to the point of his middle finger.

“Rey…” he moaned.

She soaked his hand with her tongue, then let him go. “Do it for me,” she mewed, giving him a round-eyed look.

Ben didn’t seem to know what the hell was going on, but he did it, moving his hand to his dick once again and starting a slow stroke until he was fully hard, his eyelids fluttering though he managed to maintain their eye-contact this time. Rey put a hand on his damp shoulder and pushed gently until he fell forwards, catching himself on his free hand.

“Thank you, baby,” she cooed. This time, he had earned her touch. She pressed a kiss to his shoulder, ran her hand up his spine to squeeze the back of his neck. His hair was soft against her knuckles. “How do you feel? Does it feel good?”

He nodded.

“Please tell me.”

“Yeah, it- it does.”

“Good. I’m so pleased with you, you’re doing so well, I love it.”

“I thought- I thought we were going to-?” He cast a glance her way.

She tipped her head, pretending not to know what he meant. “What?”

He screwed his eyes shut again. “You know…”

“Tell me.”

“Have sex?” That time there was a hopeful lilt to the end of his words.

“What’s that?” she giggled.

He gave her an appalled look.

“I’m just playing a little game. You’re right. I shouldn’t. I should ask for what I want. Tell me what you want to do to me. Tell me what you want to put where. I want to hear you say it.”

He swallowed. “Well I- I thought…”

“Yes?”

“I thought I would get to fuck you.”

“Uh-huh, and what does that mean?”

“You know, put my…”

“If you say it, I’ll let you do it,” Rey teased.

“Put my- my cock, in- in your…”

“My what?”

He seemed to be struggling, possibly with his hand still fisting his cock. Maybe he was trying to regain control of himself.

Rey helped him. “In here?” she asked, putting her foot up on the bedframe, so her soaked panties were next to his head. She stroked her fingers up the side of their elastic, next to her thigh. “What’s this called?”

“Pussy,” he gasped.

“Now the whole thing. Say the whole thing.”

“I want to put my cock… in your pussy.”

Rey growled in satisfaction, grabbing his head and pushing a kiss onto his cheek. He hadn’t agreed to kissing on the lips, so she couldn’t do that. She rubbed his back, proud of him, and a small smile tilted his lips. “You will! You will, but you’re so big… we need to take the edge off first. You understand? I can’t wait to sit on your fat cock. Now fuck your hand, I want to see your hips move.”

Ben groaned and pumped faster, trying to coordinate his hips into the movement. Rey pressed her breasts against his arm. He hadn’t asked to touch them, but she could feel his eyes burning holes in her skin. She was pleased he wasn’t demanding. She ran her hand down his abs, tickling her fingers into his pubic hair. “You’re going to fuck me so well, Ben, I know it. You’re going to feel so good inside me.”

He gasped, and she ducked her head to look under his impressive back, holding her hand out. “Give it to me,” she ordered. “Spunk in my hand.”

His breath caught and he shuddered, then he was coming and she did her best to catch it, his come streaking hot across her fingers and cooling as it ran down her forearm. She licked it up, getting that fizzy pheromone dose again. He collapsed on his side and tried to catch his breath.

“You taste good,” she praised him. “We’re almost done.”

“Almost?” he whined.

“I want you to do it one more time. Now.”

“What? I can’t. Rey, I can’t!”

She was already shaking her head. “I don’t want to hear ‘I can’t’. I know what you can and can’t do. Get on your knees. I’ll help you.”

“Rey.”

“Ben.”

“There’s no way I’ll get hard again.”

“Yes you will, you’re in heat. Trust me.”

He didn’t move, staring up at her in protest of this injustice.

Rey sighed. She sat on her heels by the bed, taking his face in her hands. She reminded herself he’d wanted an alpha, not _this_ , the way she was acting. “If you really don’t want to, we can move on, but I’d really like it. I’d be so impressed, if you did it. I’m not going to leave you no matter what. You can fuck me, and you’ll feel better, and your heat will go away. I’m sorry I’m being like this, I just… like you more than I expected. But that’s not your fault. You can say no.”

She stroked his cheekbone with her thumb. He sighed, and forced himself back onto his knees.

“Oh my god, thank you! Amazing!” Rey clapped excitedly.

“I’m still not hard,” he pointed out.

“Don’t worry about that…” Rey put her hand on his back and a knee on the bed. “Don’t touch me, just stay where you are.” She felt him tense and hold his position as she worked herself up by his head, then wriggled down between his arms. She fluffed the pillow behind her so her tits were right in front of his eyes. Then she cupped them and started rubbing softly. She was so turned on just from being near him, let alone making him come and tasting it, that the touch of her own hands aroused her in a way it never had before, her skin flushing warm all over and her mouth opening on a gasp. She pinched her nipple.

“Rey,” he choked.

“Touch yourself.” She bent her legs, her knees either side of his hips without touching.

“It’s not working.”

“It’s not working?” she repeated, a little offended. She’d only been doing it for a few seconds, what did he expect? “Okay, don’t look, keep your eyes up.” She sent her hands down, catching the sides of her underwear with her thumbs and working them down her thighs. They felt heavy with her slick, soaked. She struggled to get them off in the small space afforded by his body but she did it, and he kept his eyes nervously on her face. She held her panties in her hand and waved them in front of his face. He reared back.

“God!”

“That’s how wet you make me, Ben. Smell it?”

He nodded.

“Now what shall I do? I’m kind of thinking about stuffing them in your mouth, since you were mean about my tits.”

His eyes flashed with panic. “I wasn’t! I like them! I love them, if you’d let me touch them, I’d-”

“No I don’t think so. But if you don’t want these wet panties all over your tongue, I’m going to pull them over your head, so which is it?”

Ben looked away from her face. He clearly didn’t like either option, but then he lowered his jaw just a little in invitation.

“Good,” Rey said, still snappish, and poked them in, making room with one finger on his teeth, opening his mouth. He jerked back a little, gagging when she pushed them in too hard, so she pulled them forward, fluffing them out of his mouth like a flower so he could smell them too. She watched his jaw hang, his lips twitching as he looked back at her, his eyes chastened.

“Good,” she said again, smiling a little, appeased. She tidied his hair affectionately. “Now touch yourself. I don’t care if you’re not hard, do it anyway. Do you want me to touch my tits for you?”

He nodded, shifting his weight to one arm so he could send the other to his cock.

“Okay.” She smiled, feeling better. She stroked her thumb across his cheek. “You look so pretty.”

He made a noise in his nose that might have been a muffled snort.

“You are,” she insisted. She pushed herself up to kiss his cheeks one after another, then his jaw, and his neck. He shuddered and moaned. She lay back. “Don’t look at my pussy. Watch my hands. This is for you, understand? Because you make me hot.” She started massaging her breasts again, watching his face, glancing down at his hand where it was stroking life into his cock, half-grown and pink. “Come on me, Ben. Paint my belly. Come all over my tits. I put my underwear in your mouth, you must want to come on my tits now. Imagine my mouth, fucking it. Imagine me sucking you off.”

He groaned, long and low, and his hand sped up with wet slaps. Rey moaned at the sound and tipped her head back as she pushed and pulled on her tits, hard, like she imagined he would. She could smell her panties, hear his breaths short and fast through his nose, feel his eyes on her. It easily ranked in the top erotic experiences of her life and they hadn’t even fucked.

Ben hung his head. He didn’t touch her, but it was close. He moaned, and then spat her panties out. They landed on the pillow beside her ear and she froze.

“Rey, I _can’t_ …” he begged.

Part of her felt mean and wanted to punish him. He had spat her panties out without her permission. He had told her ‘I can’t’.

But.

He had told her ‘I can’t’. Her omega was telling her he couldn’t do it. She had to respect that. More than that, she had to _take care of him_ and stop whatever was hurting him.

“Okay. Okay, Ben, stop.”

He let his dick go, sagging above her on the one arm that still supported his weight.

“Roll onto your back.”

He did, and she sat up, arranging herself by his hips. She tucked his cock back into his jeans and did them up. He made a small noise of protest and lifted his head, confused and concerned. Rey threw her leg over him and let herself down, shifting to get comfortable over his crotch. Ben stared at her pussy, and she knew it was spread open by his body.

“What are you-?” he panted.

“We’re going to do it like this. I’ll ride you until you come in your jeans. You don’t have to do anything,” she said, giving him a smile she knew was sweet and unsettling. She put her hands on his stomach, feeling him properly for the first time, mapping him out. She took her time, not moving, letting her slick soak into the denim. She plucked at the trail of hair on his stomach, rubbed her thumbs between his abs, measured the heft of him with her hands on his sides. Ben shifted, the barest bump of his hips suggesting she get to what she said she was going to do, but she pretended not to notice. He could wait. He’d said he couldn’t do it after all.

She stroked his arms, measuring his biceps. She lifted his hands and traced his fingers, long and bony and strong. She tickled under his pecs. She played with his nipples, making him gasp and lift his hips harder this time. She could feel his hard cock trapped in his jeans under her sensitive pussy. She squeezed his shoulders just to feel their firmness. She stroked his throat. She played with his hair. He was unlike any omega she’d ever met, and she knew she didn’t have to worry about being too rough or too much for him. She knew she could give and give and give until she was empty, and it might take everything she was to satisfy him, and she sighed happily. She could relax, she didn’t have to monitor herself or hold back. Maybe he would actually be able to satisfy her.

He was mewling softly now, trying to get her to do something, but she wouldn’t. Only when _she_ was done, would they move on. She cupped his jaw and made him look at her face as she traced his lips with her thumbs. She wanted to feel the inside of his mouth, but he’d said no kissing and he didn’t open for her. Rey pushed away the disappointment. She had his eyes, wide and dark, on her. That was enough.

Deciding she was done, she put her hands on her thighs, sitting up straight. “Look at my pussy.”

He did, looking down his body so that from where Rey was sitting, she could mostly see his eyelids. His chest rose with a big breath through his nose.

“It’s wet, isn’t it?” She lifted up enough to spread herself with her fingers and he whimpered. “Do you like it?”

He didn’t reply, as if he thought she was speaking rhetorically.

“Ben?”

“Yes!” His eyes darted to her face, checking her mood, before going back to between her legs. She smiled. He was cute.

“I bet you want to touch it. Do you?”

He looked at her face again and nodded.

“Lick it?”

“ _Yes_.”

Rey hummed. “Maybe. First I have to make you come, don’t I? Make this hard cock come.” She bore down, sliding over the shaft trapped against his thigh.

His back arched. “Rey…! Why don’t you take… take me out?”

“I want to do it like this. I want to make you come on yourself. I like that.”

He whimpered again and panted through wet red lips as she worked him, circling her hips, his jeans dark under her where she’d soaked them. She wondered if it was enough that he would be able to feel it on his cock.

But she was not unaffected either. She was already so turned on, soft and swollen. She leant forward, putting her hands either side of his head and changing the angle of her hips so her clit was caught in their point of connection. She watched his face. She couldn’t look away. She felt close to falling apart herself, and a small, needy part of herself needed to see that he was into this too, needed to see his face flushed, his eyes on her tits or her cunt, his tongue licking his lips or sucking them into his mouth.

She groaned, working herself up with her clit against his jeans. “You’re so pretty,” she said deliriously.

He actually shook his head. “No, I’m not,” he muttered quietly, as if it was a simple thing to correct her.

Rey gripped his jaw so fast she almost slapped him. She didn’t want to be that rough, but his comment spurned something in her. Her fingers were hard points in his cheeks, and if her nails were longer, she might have drawn blood. He gasped and looked at her, eyes wide. Still she didn’t stop circling her hips over him.

“What did you say?” she growled, her alpha coming out. “Listen to me. Until I let go of your face, you are not allowed to say anything other than the single word ‘handsome’, understand?”

He opened his mouth, drawing in a breath, but maybe the look on her face warned him. He nodded.

“Good.” She sat up, freeing her other hand to touch her fingertip to the end of his nose. “This nose, what is it?” she asked, raising her eyebrows, prompting him.

He squirmed, resisting, and she used her hold on his jaw to shake him a little.

“What is it, Ben?”

“…Handsome.”

“Good. This mouth?”

“Handsome.”

“These eyes?” She stroked along his cheekbone. Her voice and her hold was softening as he obeyed her.

“Handsome.”

“These moles?”

Silence.

“ _Ben?_ ”

“Handsome…”

“Good.” She stroked his eyebrows tenderly, then curled a forelock around her finger. “This hair?”

“Handsome.” Sometimes the word came easier, teaching her what he liked about himself, or at least didn’t mind.

She ran her fingertip down the shell of his ear. “These ears?”

He looked away from her, trying to squirm out of her hold. She tightened it back up. She’d squeeze it out of him if she had to.

“What about your ears?” she bit out.

“Handsome, handsome!”

“That’s right.” Just for that, she leant down and nosed under his hair to press a kiss to his ear, something she was sure sounded funny, and he flinched, trying to pull away and tuck himself into his neck. It made her sad. She would make him see himself the way she saw him by the end of his heat.

“This neck?” she asked, pressing kisses there too, over his Adam’s Apple like a necklace.

“My neck?” he said sceptically.

“Ah!” Rey jerked up, staring into his eyes in warning.

He sighed. “Handsome.”

Rey narrowed her eyes, but she let his attitude slide.

“Your body?” she asked at last.

“Handsome.”

“You are…?”

“Handsome.”

She was reluctant to let go of his face, she didn’t feel like he’d learned his lesson. She leaned down to his face, trying to read it in his eyes. “Get it?” she breathed, willing him to believe it.

He at least held her eyes, and nodded. She had to let her hand slide from his jaw, which he rolled as soon as it was free.

She was no longer grinding on him. She’d stopped without realising, distracted. “Ben, why do you think I’m wet?” She kept the alpha out of her voice. This wasn’t a game. This was a serious question.

“Um, because… because of how I smell? Or…”

Rey was already shaking her head. “Why did I come with you then? Why did I want to help you? Do you think I was just overwhelmed by your smell?”

He hesitated, then shrugged. “You took pity on me? You’re a nice person?”

She flinched back, she couldn’t help it, he’d surprised her. “You think I’m a nice person?” She’d stuffed her wet panties in his mouth and his jaw had pink marks from her fingers. Had anyone – anyone she’d slept with – ever called her nice?

He looked at her like he thought it was a trick question. “Yes?”

Rey shook her head, more to clear it than to disagree with him. She had to stay in control. If he unbalanced her, she couldn’t look after him properly. “I’m attracted to you! That’s why I came with you. I find you attractive, I like the way you look. I wanted to help you as soon as I saw you. I don’t do this very often, you know.” She wanted to drop her eyes after that confession, but she forced herself not to. “Okay?”

“Okay.”

“You believe that, don’t you? That I find you attractive?”

He nodded slowly, uncertainly. His eyes told her he thought she was wrong, but didn’t question that she wanted him at least.

She’d take it, for now. She pressed a kiss to his chest. “Good.” She felt like that conversation had killed the mood a little, and as the alpha, it was her job to get it back. “You want to come, don’t you?” she asked, forcing a smile and watching his eyes lose some of their clarity.

He nodded again.

She started moving her hips again. “You’re going to let me kiss your body, and suck on your nipples, aren’t you?”

He whimpered, and she moved down his body, reseating herself firmly on his cock, biting his collar bone and sucking marks onto his skin, her thumbs rubbing his nipples until her mouth got to them. He gasped and bucked but she kept going until he slowly unravelled under her mouth and hands, writhing and keening, his hips chasing her pussy.

“God, Ben…” she said into his chest, now wet and flushed and dotted with marks from her mouth, taking the coward’s way out. “If you were mine I would make you do this so much, so many times. I’d make you fucking _fill_ those jeans until you were as wet as I was. Only then would I fuck you, when your dick is already coated in come, giving my pussy what it wants.”

Ben choked, his body jumping. “Rey, make me come, please make me come,” he begged.

“I will, baby, I will.” She reached between them with her hand, tracing the length of him with her fingers, finding his head and pressing, circling with her nail, rubbing. “When you come, you can fuck me, I promise. I can’t wait anymore. No more games. You’ve earned it. I’m going to take care of you.” She couldn’t stop pawing at him with her free hand. His flesh was just so fascinating, solid and meaty, no bones showing through. She couldn’t hurt him. He could have been made for her.

With that promise, he sucked his lips into his mouth and moaned. They popped out as that moan turned into a cry, his body curling, abs surfacing on his stomach. His hands jumped to her thighs to hold her as he shuddered and came, which she hadn’t given him permission for, but she let it go. He deserved to touch her. She felt his dick twitch under her hand, her pussy fluttering with the knowledge he was coming in his jeans just like she’d asked, like a good boy.

When he was finished, gasping and lax on the bed, Rey climbed off him and undid his jeans, looking for the mess. She gathered some on her fingers and licked them clean. Omega come was better than Nutella. Then she pulled his jeans down and off. He clearly didn’t have the energy to be shy about being naked anymore, he just watched her with languid eyes. She knelt between his legs – he really was beautiful all over, beautiful legs, beautiful balls – and gently licked him clean, nosing his soft cock onto his belly, wary of over-stimulating him when he would still be sensitive. He hummed softly, to encourage or thank her she didn’t know.

When she was done, she climbed up to lay beside him, not touching him, giving him time to recover, but looking at him. He was more beautiful than a marble statue, he looked like what sculptors spent lifetimes trying to depict.

“I’m here when you need me,” she whispered.

He nodded.

“I hope I’m doing okay so far. I know I can get a little crazy, I’m sorry. I’ll be calmer from now on.”

He turned to look at her. “It’s okay.”

She smiled. He really was perfect. Shame he wouldn’t let her kiss him, but boundaries were important and she would respect that. This was just for his heat.

They lay in silence, waiting for him to need her again. It took longer this time, because she wasn’t pushing him. Eventually she rolled off the bed to find them some water and food. He stopped her with a small noise, and when she turned to look at him, he was half-rolled off the bed, his eyes wide. “Don’t go.”

She rushed back to him. “I’m not, baby. I’m not going anywhere. I was just getting us something to eat and drink. You need it. Where did you put the stuff we bought?”

Panic seeped into his eyes. He was getting lost again. “I-In the kitchen?”

She cupped his face, gently leading him to look at her and hold her eyes. She smiled. “That’s good, honey. Where are they?”

“In a drawer, I think…”

“Okay. I’m going to go get them for you. I’m going to bring them back here for you. I’m going to look after you, okay?” She tipped his head forward so she could press a kiss to his crown, inhaling deeply the scent of his hair, staying there just a little too long but figuring the faceful of her tits he was getting would help calm him down enough to be without her for a minute.

She let him go, found her panties and put them in his hand. “There. I’m coming back. I’ll only be a second.” She left and he didn’t stop her.

She padded through the dark, back to the kitchen, her hands shaking as she found two glasses and filled them, then opened the drawers looking for the energy bars. A voice in her head berated her for leaving him, promising her another alpha would have taken him by the time she got back, that he would be balls-deep in someone else, someone bigger she couldn’t win against, and he wouldn’t want her anymore.

 _Shut up, shut up, shut up_ , she repeated in her head, grabbing the bars and glasses and rushing back to the bedroom.

She breathed a sigh of relief when she saw he was still alone, just like she’d left him, her panties held listlessly to his face. She smiled and put the glasses down on the nightstand. She gave him an energy bar. “There, eat that, then drink some water for me.” She sat on the end of the bed, drawing her feet up, and unwrapped a bar for herself.

As they refreshed themselves, she said, “Ben, if you’ve never had a heat before, do you know about knotting? I mean, female knotting? Do you know what’s going to happen?”

He flushed all across his chest and shoulders, up his neck to his face, and it was _darling_. He shrugged and chewed, looking at his hands as he fiddled with the wrapper.

“Okay, we’ll need to talk about that, when you’ve finished.” She gulped her water, emptying her glass.

He finished and looked at her, and she gestured for him to lie down, which he did. His cock was hard and red again, not all the way, not enough to make him desperate, but enough for her purposes. She straddled his thighs and reached for him.

“This is what it’s going to feel like, okay? Right after you come. It’s going to be intense.” She wrapped her first two fingers directly under his head, then tightened her hold just past the point of comfort and held. He squirmed, his lips parting and a delicate frown scrunching between his eyes. “You’re not going to be able to pull out. If you try, you’ll really, really hurt us both. I don’t want that, so if you don’t think you can handle it, tell me now and I’ll move off you before it happens. It doesn’t mean anything if I don’t knot you. It’s still good sex. I won’t be disappointed. But if you want it, then you need to remember to push _in_ if you feel uncomfortable, okay? If I’m knotting, don’t pull out, push in, and that will make it feel better, okay?” She moved her fingers down half an inch to illustrate.

He nodded.

“Say it.”

“Push in, don’t pull out.”

“Only if you want me to knot you. You can choose not to. Do you want me to?”

Ben stared at her fingers on his dick. He shifted his hips, testing, and she held on, letting him feel it. He nodded again.

“Yes?”

“Yes, I-I want to try. I want everything.” He met her eyes then, and she saw the certainty, the determination.

“Okay.” She took her hand back. “Do whatever you have to do to go deeper if you need to. Don’t worry about upsetting me or what you’re allowed. Anything you need to be comfortable is okay, just don’t pull out, seriously.” The second omega she had ever shared a heat with had done that. She had been strong enough to keep him seated until the pain deflated her knot, but she’d been sore for two weeks and he’d cried. A man Ben’s size would be stronger than she could stop, and would probably rip her whole reproductive tract out if he panicked, breaking his dick in the process. “Do you want to try now? Do you feel ready?”

It wasn’t an immediate yes. He took a moment to consider, to judge how he was feeling, which told Rey that he wasn’t desperate, he wasn’t gripped in the throes of his heat yet. She wanted to let the calm time he had belong to him. He would need her more often than not, so the lucid times in between were important for him to re-evaluate what he wanted. She couldn’t swamp him in those times, she had to give him space to change what they were doing if he wanted to.

If the answer wasn’t yes, she wasn’t going to make him say no. She knew how hard that could be for an omega. It would be better for him to wait as long as he could, so with that in mind, she smiled and said “Tell you what,” and crawled over his body until she was straddling his stomach. He was so wide and deep that he strained her thighs. “Why don’t you play with my tits for a bit? You haven’t got to touch them yet.”

She lifted his hands to just in front of her breasts, not making him touch her, giving him the choice to close the gap. He seemed unsure, glancing at her face as if it was some kind of trap, too good to be true. She let him go and put her hands on his chest, waiting, keeping her expression free from judgement.

Slowly, his eyes flicking between her face and her chest, Ben let his palms come down on her breasts. It was an inelegant hold at first, but still something inside her relaxed, molding to the warmth of his touch. When she didn’t react, he shifted his grip, cupping her, supporting her, then brushing his thumbs over her nipples. Rey leaned into him and closed her eyes so he wouldn’t feel so watched, and sighed softly through her nose. His petting was gentle and unsure but it felt nice, so nice. He was just exploring her, not employing any tricks to make her feel good, but still. His hands were big and he didn’t pinch her or grip her too hard. His touch was reverent as he stroked the back of a finger up the curve, barely nudging the swell of her out of shape. She had been wrong when she’d thought he would be rough.

His stomach rocked under her and she opened her eyes, snapping out of her trance. He was sitting up but he’d frozen when she looked at him, caught.

“Can I… with my mouth?” he asked.

Rey swallowed. It had been a long time for her and it didn’t come naturally to her to allow that, but she couldn’t say no to that face. “Of course, sweetheart,” she breathed.

He had to hunch over to get his mouth to her breasts and his hands cupped her ribs, his fingers going up her back to support her as she leant back to make room for him. He kissed down her breast and his mouth was even softer than his hands, light and warm and damp. When he got to her nipple he checked her face before taking it into his mouth and Rey gasped. The heat of his mouth shot through her. It was an erotic sight, this big man with his head bent to her small breast. His tongue came out and he licked her, turning his eyes up to check her again.

“G-Good,” she praised, forcing a smile, knowing she needed to reassure him even as her pussy ached and dribbled on his stomach.

He took confidence from that and nuzzled into her breast, covering her nipple again and sucking with the most delicate pressure. Rey let her breath come deeper and put her hand to his head, her fingers stroking through his hair and rubbing the back of his head, her eyes drifting closed. For the first time, she did nothing and just let him please her, working her body as if it was something to be worshipped.

“Th-The other one…” she directed after a minute, and he dutifully switched, his breath passing like a ghost over where she was wet. He changed his hold of her, wrapping his arm around her back to free his other hand to replace his mouth, palming that breast and massaging slowly to keep her warm.

Much more of this and she would be the one begging him to take her and make her come. The pleasure she got as an alpha from giving orders and being obeyed was sharp and delightful, but this was a rarer pleasure and it almost scared her, how comfortable she felt in his arms, just existing without exerting her control, how much she trusted him and how well he proved that her trust was well-placed. She was an alpha, with an instinctive need to care for others, not to be cared for herself, and yet… she told herself she could allow this, this nice feeling. She could be cuddled.

She moaned softly. “Ben, you’re so good at that. I love how gentle you’re being with me.” She felt him smile against her breast and that smile was somehow worth more than the orgasms she had wrung from him.

That scared her. That was a symptom she was feeling things she shouldn’t. He was not hers, this was just for his heat. An alpha who liked an omega more than they liked her was dangerous. She couldn’t let it happen or she could hurt him.

She pushed him back gently, breaking his mouth’s connection to her. He blinked at her, wondering at it, and she made herself smile, cocky and in control. “I want you,” she said, and lust and a little apprehension swamped his eyes instead. She guided him onto his back. “Ready?”

He nodded.

She sent her hand behind her, catching his cock and stroking a little, saying hello, before standing it up and lifting to her knees, walking herself back until she could fit the head between the lips of her cunt, nudging her entrance. She checked his face. He was staring at her pussy. Nothing suggested he didn’t want to go ahead, so she slowly lowered herself, pushing him in.

He sunk in easily at first, her body was so hungry for him, so wet and ready, but then he just kept coming and she felt the pinch of a stretch and the dull bump of him bottoming out. She was tight, muscles forming to him instantly, responding to the intruder, and he groaned.

“You can… touch me…” she grit out, circling her hips as if she could possibly find a more comfortable fit for him. His hands jumped to her hips, almost enclosing her. “Oh, Ben… You’re so big… Feels so good…” she sighed.

He looked at her face, his cheeks pink, and somehow she thought it was her words rather than her cunt that was making him blush.

She started to move her hips, slowly at first, shallowly, testing. He shouldn’t come too soon after what she’d put him through already, he should get her there, which was good because if she wanted to come it would have to be before him. His release would trigger her knot so she’d be stuck after he finished.

“Do you want to touch my clit?” she panted, bouncing on his cock, making sure it pulsed blunt bursts of pleasure through her with every thrust.

Ben moved his hand, his thumb searching between her lips, but he couldn’t keep up with her movements, so she took his hand and placed it for him, and having to help him didn’t diminish how it felt when his big rough thumb rubbed her, so different from her own hand.

Rey gave a little cry and fell forward, catching herself on his shoulders with a wet slap. She hadn’t really meant to do that, he was just so big, he was hard to get around. “Don’t come, okay?” she said, and he made a reflexive moan. “I’m going to come first, okay? Just… Just… Oh- Make me come, Ben! Make me come, you feel so good!”

He moaned again, mouth open and thick lips rosy as he watched her, a little frown forming between his brows as he concentrated on obeying her. He kept at her clit as she pounded him faster, throwing back her head and chasing- chasing-

When her orgasm came she seized him so hard she couldn’t move for a moment. She just sat on him, body clenching, her thighs, stomach, back all seizing and making her twist. After a second or two, Ben put his hands to her hips and lifted her, keeping her fucking him, with a look in his eyes like he was trying to help but wasn’t sure his efforts would be appreciated. They were. Rey wringed him even harder, delighted at being used by her omega just for a moment, at being able to give her body over to this big gentle man who would fuck her softly through an iron climax, massaging her insides with his cock until she wailed and clawed at his chest.

“Come, come, come!” she ordered “Urgh, Ben, fill me!” She wanted it, his big cock knotted inside her.

With a grunt, he did. She felt it, that first shock of heat deep inside her, the extra slickness, and then her knot. She didn’t normally like to knot before she had finished coming but with him she hadn’t wanted it to end. She felt his thrusts stick, the ache as his head passed through and back in before it caught, the tug when he realised he couldn’t get back out.

“Rey!” Ben shouted, his voice alarmed, almost panicked, even as his body was overcome with pleasure.

Most omegas responded like that if they weren’t used to a knot. It was an intense sensation, being squeezed like that while they came and being unable to move, but Rey knew what to do.

“Push in! Push in!” she reminded him. She tried to drive down on him, grinding her hips on his to give him as much clearance as she could.

Ben seized her hips and pulled her down hard enough to hurt, his face twisted and almost violent. Rey grunted, the jolt going through her spine, because while the soft flesh of her sex was being crushed, that was secondary to the feeling of his head breaching her cervix and his come shooting directly into her womb. She cried out, inarticulate. He slipped back a bit and she lost the feeling.

“Do that again!” she demanded. “Fuck me like that!”

He was gasping for breath, but he did it. He forced her down on him until they were bone to bone, and fucked her cervix in short thrusts of less than an inch, his big round head splitting her womb, in and out.

Rey screamed. The feeling, the visual, that he was forcing his way in, strumming her knot, _breeding_ her, made her come seconds after her first orgasm ended, overwhelming her cunt completely until it gushed hot wet slick all down his length and over his thighs. She spasmed and shook, knowing she couldn’t collapse but feeling her strength flood out of her with her come.

“S-S-Sit up,” she begged, gesturing for him, teetering. She couldn’t fall flat with him knotted inside her, it would hurt, it would hurt _him_ , this precious omega.

“H-Huh?” He struggled up anyway and Rey grabbed his chest, slumping onto it as she caught her breath. His arms shook as he held up, and when he realised she wasn’t going to move, he dragged them back so he could rest against the wall.

It took Rey a long time to come back to herself. Her knot was still tight inside her, reminding her he was there and making her feel him. Every now and then his cock would give another squirt, and he would jerk under her cheek, grunt. Aftershocks shook her inside and out, she felt like her limbs had had their strings cut. She was grateful he had managed to catch her. She didn’t have the words for a long time.

“I’ve never come like that before,” she slurred eventually as he stroked her back and nuzzled her hair. “I’ve never- never come from knotting, I’ve never- That’s never happened before. It’s never felt like that before.”

She lifted her head just enough to look at him, his face above hers like the Statue of Liberty looking down at her or something. She was shaken down to her core. This man- This man was a delightful omega, sure, he had put up with her domineering tastes, but what he had just done was _magic_ , and now she had the worrying feeling she would never experience anything like that again with anyone else. She was terribly afraid that he had owned her body with his magic cock and now she would do anything for him, that he would drive her insane, that she wouldn’t be able to let him go.

He was sweaty and ragged, his flush draining away to leave red blotches on his cheeks and the rest of him marble white. His lips were bitten and his hair fell into his eyes, and all Rey wanted to do was curl up against him, hold his cock in her body like a leash in her fist, and let him stroke her back and kiss her hair, and it was wrong, all wrong. She was the alpha, she was in control, but she wasn’t, she wasn’t. He had outdone her, dismantled her, and now she didn’t know how to feel. She couldn’t sit back from him and smile and praise him like she usually did, say something teasing to cover the awkwardness of being trapped by the knot. It didn’t feel awkward at all; she wanted it to last for hours. And he just smiled faintly, tired and blissed out, like he didn’t even know what he had done to her.

“Rey, that was amazing…” he murmured, as if _she_ needed the reassurance.

“Yes, it was,” was all she could say, and she put her arms around his chest and held on tight.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Check the tags, there are new tags.
> 
> I have a special reylo twitter now! It's @A_O_3_T_A_D
> 
> Apologies to the one commenter who wants Rey to be more domme... She is soft baby with feelings in this chapter.

After that, Rey took him over and over, always with a reassuring smile and gentle words. He got used to her knot, and she didn’t let him, didn’t ask him to use his big dick to fuck her cervix again. Sometimes he slipped, and in relieving the pressure of her knot, pushed too deep in, and she had to push his hands off her hips and take back that half an inch. She hated to do it, for the look it made on his face, as if she had slapped him, as if he had done something wrong, but she couldn’t allow it. She couldn’t risk it. It made her feel too much, and she had to stay in control. If only she could explain, but it would scare him, to know no one had ever made her feel like that, that she liked him far too much, and still have to ride out the rest of his heat with her. In this, he would just have to trust her. She compensated by running her hands all over his body, cradling his hands to her chest, telling him how pretty he was and how well he was doing.

She fed him. They slept. She changed the sheets while he stood by like a child woken from a nightmare, not helping, and Rey knew he disapproved of what she was doing. She knew he’d want to roll around in their mess for days if it was up to him. When she asked him where his laundry hamper was, he took the sheets from her and wordlessly kicked them under his bed, almost daring her to stop him. She just smiled. He could have them, if he wanted.

At one point, as he lay dozing and spread across the bed, the duvet long since lost to the floor, Rey went to the bathroom to clean herself up, soaking his hand-towel and wiping off at least what had dried on her skin. It wasn’t perfect, but she didn’t want to leave him alone for long enough to shower, and coming back as a clean slate without his scent on her could disorient and panic him. She rinsed the towel in the sink and took it through to the bedroom. He roused when she touched him, allowing her to rub the towel over his chest and under his arms, but flinching away when she approached his groin.

His knee came up to block her and he whined. “No, don’t take it off…” He hadn’t said no to much, but he was not being rational.

“I’m going to, baby, you should be clean.”

He gave her a look she was learning to recognise as the beginning of a petulant rebellion, an omega making a stand. “No.”

“There’ll be more,” she reassured him.

He grunted. The promise of more did not move him. A bird in the hand was worth two in the bush.

“It’s been a day,” she needled. “Let me clean you.”

He just watched her, his guard up, unmoving.

She sighed, but she couldn’t even be mad. He was too cute. “Baby, come on.” A thought occurred to her, odd, under the circumstances, but not impossible. “Do you not want me to touch you there?”

“It’s not that,” he murmured, allowing an answer to pass through his defences.

“Then what?”

“It’s mine.”

“I know it is, but what-? Oh, you mean the mess. The mess is yours.”

“I earned it.”

“I know you did, but I’m going to make you messy all over again really soon. This is dirty and uncomfortable, right? Itchy?”

“No.”

“Ben.”

He turned his face away, stubbornly ignoring her.

She sighed. “What if I give you something you want, hmm? As a reward for being good for me now?”

He fidgeted and she knew she had his attention though he still faced away from her. She could almost feel him warring with himself not to betray his cause.

“Like what?” he asked, his eyes rolling to look at her, his only concession.

She grinned. “What do you want?” She cocked her hip and held her arms out, awkwardly displaying her naked body. She couldn’t say she particularly knew how to be sexy.

Again, she watched the indecision and temptation war on his face in the way his dark eyes watched her and his lips disappeared into his mouth. She knew what was going on in his head. There were things he wanted, there had to be, even if he hadn’t been aware of them before, he would be thinking of them now, weighing them against the price. Was there anything he wanted _more_ than her juice on his cock and balls and thighs? He would find something, something he thought she would never normally agree to. And then he would want it, and want it, and want it, bigger and bigger, but then he would be afraid that she would say no, be disgusted, repulsed, that she would think he was bad.

Rey’s job was to wait, to let him say it. Obviously, there were a few things she wouldn’t do, but Ben hadn’t given her the impression that he was in any way rough or kinky, just the opposite. So he would say whatever it was and she would say yes and he would know he could trust her, and another wall would fall down.

Maybe he would even ask to kiss her. That was one thing they still hadn’t done, and Rey was past the point of respecting his wishes and into the darker territory of just not thinking about it.

“I want to-to clean you too,” he said, his expression nervous and shuttered, predictably afraid of her response and trying to pretend he wasn’t, like he was demanding it from her.

Rey blinked, almost disappointed. No kiss, nothing even very original or anything that could be called sex. Still, she supposed it would be a role-reversal of sorts, and it was probably that power he was after, to have her at his mercy and to step into her shoes.

“Of course, baby,” she said with a smile. _No problems here, see?_ “But you first.”

Ben sheepishly rolled onto his back and opened his legs like he was expecting a gynaecological exam.

Rey sat on the bed and started on his belly. “Thank you, baby.” She hoped the towel was still warm, but not too hot, as she moved onto his inner thighs. Their mixed fluids were all over him, dried and crusted, and his skin turned pink as she rubbed. She was as gentle as she could possibly be, trying to take a leaf out of his book and take her time, letting the hot water dissolve it all rather than using the scrub of the towel to scrape it off. He watched her, but she was used to his eyes being on her now. Inevitably, perhaps, his cock started to lengthen and grow in her hands. She ignored it. They were playing a game now, a game that had started with their little trade, and she wasn’t going to make things easy for him.

Once his cock and balls looked as clean as she could make them, she went hunting for missed spots, and of course the mess had run lower when she’d taken him on his back every time so far. She moved the towel to his ass, mopping at the crease of his thigh.

He grunted and flinched away.

“Okay, baby?” she said, light, with a reassuring smile, as if she didn’t know the significance of what she was doing. Male omegas – hell, most straight guys, from what she’d heard – could be twitchy when it came to their ass. With straight omegas it was worse because their masculinity felt challenged anyway, and they were more sensitive, physically. Everyone expected them to enjoy it, to be total sluts for it, that was the stereotype. Most male omegas mated male alphas. Rey had pegged her partners before, fingered them, eaten them out, but she’d also been with guys who ran a mile if she tried so much as a squeeze, who swore up and down they didn’t want that, wouldn’t like it. Rey was fine either way. Pegging didn’t get _her_ off, but just like she wouldn’t knot without consent, she wouldn’t touch Ben there if he didn’t want her to.

Ben definitely seemed to be in the camp of male omegas who wanted to pretend their ass didn’t exist, if his faintly panicked expression was anything to go by.

“I’m just cleaning, baby, I won’t do anything. This isn’t sexual.” She waited for him to tell her to stop or move away, but he didn’t. His whole body was rigid, and she remembered he’d never had a heat before. Maybe he wanted her to do something. “Unless you want me to touch you here? I can, I’ve done it before. I won’t hurt you.” He still didn’t answer, so she tentatively continued cleaning him up. When his skin was clean, she dipped the towel between his cheeks, running the length of his crack. She checked his face, but his eyes were closed and his jaw was tight.

Okay, now he needed to tell her if what she was doing was good or bad.

“Ben, sweetie? Do you like it?”

He grunted faintly.

“Yes or no, Ben. I need to know if I’m hurting you.”

His eyes fluttered open. “I-I don’t know.” He looked down his body at her, and she could see in his eyes that he was telling the truth.

Rey massaged his thigh with her free hand. “No one’s ever done this with you before? You haven’t done it to yourself?”

He shook his head.

“Do you want me to keep going?”

He nodded.

Rey smiled, and for once it was genuine, charmed. “Can you say that for me?”

“Keep going.”

Rey clicked her tongue. “Manners. Is that how you ask nicely?”

“ _Please_ touch me there, alpha.”

His heat must be coming back. “Alright, baby, I will.” She went back to wiping him with the towel, pressing a little harder into his hole with every pass, keeping it gentle but testing him, letting him feel her. “I have toys at home, sweetheart, did you know that? I could put all sorts inside this little hole. I’d be so gentle at first, you’d be all soft and open before you even knew it.” She watched his dick jump and twitch as he moaned, pushing his head back into the pillow. “I wouldn’t hurt you, unless you wanted it to hurt just a little, unless you wanted to feel your alpha stretching you as she fucks you.”

“Rey,” he gasped.

“I know, baby. But I don’t have any of those things here,” she said sadly. “But I’ll give you my fingers, and I’ll give you my tongue.”

He nodded frantically, biting his lip.

“Yes?”

“Yes…”

“Say it!”

“ _Yes!_ Please!”

“Roll over then,” she ordered, snatching the towel away. “Give me your ass if you want to know what it feels like to take me inside you.”

With a wide-eyed look, Ben rolled onto his front, and Rey pushed his legs further apart as she got into position. She wanted to tease him, to torture him just a little bit. She put her hands either side of his waist, and kissed him high up on his spine. He made a little noise, surprised and disappointed and impatient. She bit her tongue so she wouldn’t chuckle at him. She kissed him again, two inches lower. At this rate, it would take her a long time to get to where he wanted her, he was so tall. She kissed him again.

“Rey…”

“Yes?” she asked sweetly.

He shifted his hips against the bed and sighed. He knew he couldn’t hurry her and wasn’t going to bother trying. He just folded his arms under his head and lay his cheek on his forearm. “Thank you, alpha,” he said, in a tone that broadcast that that was _not_ what he had wanted to say.

Rey grinned to herself. What an obedient, cheeky, funny man. What a good omega. She kissed the rest of the way down his back, hot and salty with sweat.

When she got to his tailbone, she dipped her tongue into the divots of his hips, and palmed one hard half of his ass, squeezing and pulling it away from its brother, letting him feel the air against his entrance. “How much do you want this?” she asked. “Are you nervous? Are you just curious?” She wanted to know how far to go with him.

“I… I don’t know…” he mumbled.

“Have you ever thought about this before, maybe when you touch yourself?”

“Not really…”

“Not _really_? Is that a yes or a no?” Rey knew if he was embarrassed, it could be either.

“No. I haven’t thought about it.”

“Okay.” Rey kissed his tailbone. “Thank you for telling me.” So she wouldn’t go too far today, just give him – for lack of a better word – a taster. She’d let him stay as he was, for example, instead of bringing him to his knees and making him hold himself open for her with his face in a pillow.

She reached between his legs and cupped his balls, rolling them softly as she kissed down into his crack, his back twitching above her. When she flicked her tongue against his tense little hole, he jerked. She waited. “Okay?”

She saw him nod because she was looking, but she prompted him “You need to answer with words, baby. I can’t see you while I’m doing this and I need to know.”

“I’m okay,” he replied.

“Good.” She dipped her head and licked again. The alpha in her loved his animal taste, the same as his come, his sweat, his spit. It satisfied her greatly to have him under her mouth like this, and as her lips formed to the valley of him, she pressed her tongue over him again, wet muscle to wet muscle.

Ben shivered under her hands, trembling at the new sensation. Rey knew how to be gentle, how to please him, and she growled faintly against him, bathing him with her tongue and tasting remnants of her slick like a delicate spice. She licked him until he was all wet, and he had stopped flinching, and his hole relaxed enough to allow her to push the tip of her tongue in. Ben groaned, and she pushed further, delighting in the tight, so _tight_ , squeeze of muscle around her tongue that still couldn’t keep her out. She thrust her tongue in and out, just an inch, and his hips writhed against the bed. Once he was good and wet, her spit pushed inside him, she lifted her face and replaced it with her finger. She rubbed the pad of her first finger in circles around his hole, and he tensed again, but she just kept rubbing until he relaxed. She pulled at his skin softly, her finger wet, until the muscle released a little. She stopped to retrieve the lube from the plastic bag of their supplies that she had brought from the kitchen.

“Rey…” he croaked, nervous as he watched her from the bed.

She kissed his shoulder blade as she climbed back up behind him. “Ssh… I won’t do more than one finger. I won’t hurt you. I just want you to see how good it feels.”

He watched her over his shoulder as she popped the cap and squirted some lube into her palm. She scooped some onto her finger and rubbed it onto his hole, adding more and more as it sunk into him. His entrance tensed and released, tensed and released, and the lube made small wet smacks that he probably couldn’t hear. She coated her finger in what was left of the lube, then wiped her palm on the sheet. Watching his face, she placed her fingertip at his entrance, then slowly pushed.

His breath caught but he didn’t say anything. His body closed again at the intrusion, catching her, but he couldn’t stop her. She pushed steadily through until she was knuckle deep.

“Okay?” she asked. Penetrating him had made her flush, her chest, neck and face suddenly hot, and her pussy wet and hungry.

He nodded. “Okay.”

“Good?” she pressed, daring to ask for more from him with a smile.

He was already pink, but he squirmed as if he was blushing. “Good.”

She bent over him and kissed his side. “Good.”

She pulled out of him and the wet rush made his waist spasm, and he made a noise, like “Ungh!”. He smothered himself by laying his face back on his arms. Rey smirked, and thrust her finger back in, quickly, and he jerked again.

She took her hand away. “Baby, turn for me,” she said, guiding him onto his side, then pushing his bent knee wide until he was almost on his back. She wished she could kiss his mouth, but with his height, she supposed it was impossible anyway. Instead her face was level with his chest as she lay down next to him, his nipple right in front of her. She kissed that instead as she reached under him, searching for his hole again. She licked and sucked his chest as she finger-fucked his ass, rubbing liberally against his prostate, making sure his dick was a hot, hard rod weeping against her stomach. She listened to him gasp in time with her thrusts, and when his hand landed shyly on the dip of her waist, it was burning hot.

He moaned as she pushed him further and further. “I wanna come,” he announced to the room.

“Yeah? Does this make you wanna come?” she teased.

He nodded, sucking his lips into his mouth as if they were a substitute for hers. “Mmhmm.”

“You like my finger in your ass? Me fucking you like this makes you wanna come?”

“Rey.”

She had a response queued up, something about his prostate, but something in his tone made her look up his face, and it stole her breath. He was looking at her like… like… like he had after he’d wrecked her the first time she’d knotted him. Benevolent. Calmly enraptured. As if he could see something she couldn’t. His eyes were so deep, and it shocked her, the way he was looking at her. Not like a needy omega looking an alpha with the power to soothe the heat that was torturing them. Like a man at a woman he liked, maybe. Rey couldn’t say for sure because no one had ever looked at her like that.

He derailed her. Suddenly, she felt all those things she couldn’t let herself feel because she was an alpha, good for heats in a pinch but not for anything else. Small. Female. Like being in his arms would soothe something. She shook it off. She was still the alpha, and she had to take care of him.

“You want to come?” she said, reminding herself what they had been talking about. “Like this? Or… I can…” She didn’t actually know what. Anything he wanted. With an expression like that, she wondered if he would kiss her.

She pressed harder into his prostate, sending his head back with a grunt, his body tensing, and breaking the moment. She could breathe again, but she mourned it, the loss of that connection.

He’d made one thing clear. He needed her. He wanted to come, and she had one job here, really. Pulling her hand away, she pushed him gently onto his back and climbed onto his hips, finding his cock and pushing it into her without ceremony. She lifted herself up and down, her hands on his stomach, watching his face and the mottled flush against his chest as he bit his lip yet again.

“Come, baby. Come for me,” she said, and she hoped he didn’t notice the flatness in the words. Her heart wasn’t in it this time.

Still, she did her best to ride him, and he said her name and looked up at her as if she was the best thing to ever happen to him, the way she was used to omegas looking at her, and the weird moment didn’t come back. His hands grabbed at her hips, her waist, her thighs, and she didn’t try to come. She kept her thrusts shallow, and when he came, she made sure he did it below her knot.

She let him catch his breath then slid off and lay down beside him, feeling weird and not liking it. She couldn’t let anything, especially not something as insubstantial as a look, throw her out of sorts. He needed her. She couldn’t be in a mood with him, not when his psyche was basically an open door in his heat. She had to be stronger than that. She had to just power through, like she had any time an omega had said something she didn’t like, or wanted something that didn’t work for her. She was the alpha. It was her job to please him until his heat was over, and wring what she could from the experience, maybe.

“Rey.” He rolled to face her. He knew something was wrong, it was in his voice even if she didn’t look at him. She looked at the ceiling instead, trying to sort her feelings out and keep them off her face, so he wouldn’t know and she could be good to go, good to play again as soon as possible. She didn’t want to hurt him by letting him find out she was… wobbling, not when he hadn’t even done anything wrong. Not when he’d just looked at her like maybe he wouldn’t mind being hers for real.

He put his hand on her stomach, making a connection she wouldn’t give him with her eyes. It almost covered her, warm across her ribs under her breasts. She was being silly. She was hurting him. She cast him a glance and flashed a barren smile.

“I’m alright, baby.” The name didn’t feel right in her mouth either. It was for something precious, not just to fool him into thinking she was okay.

He didn’t buy it, she could tell, in the way he didn’t turn away from her. She could smell his confusion and hurt like tears, like saltwater and rain. His hand started to slide down her belly, heading for her cunt. He thought he could make it better by making her come, like it was a failing of his and not something fundamentally wanting in her. Like all she wanted was a little physical pleasure after a day or more of it.

She kneed his hand away before she could catch herself, her alpha instincts not tolerating a touch she hadn’t invited. “Don’t.”

He whined, a short reflexive sound before he cut himself off, taking his hand back.

Rey sighed. She was fucking up. She couldn’t even do this right. Fuck her feelings, she needed to get back on her game. “Sorry, baby. I’m just tired.” She turned to look at him and this time her smile was better, even if it didn’t show her teeth. She reached out and tried to smooth the worried lines from his expression.

He hovered on the edge of saying something for a few seconds, then he whispered, “Did I do something wrong?”

“No, baby, you’re good. You’re perfect.” She forced herself to lean across the gap between them and press a kiss to his collarbone, the first place her lips fell, not feeling like she really had the strength but she had to fake it.

“Why didn’t you knot me?”

“I… Just tired, baby. It doesn’t happen every time.” True, but also sort of a lie. Between an alpha and an omega in heat, it should happen every time unless there was a reason. She was pretending there wasn’t a reason.

“Did you… not want to… do that? Did I make you do something you didn’t want?”

“Oh, baby, no!” The idea that he thought that spurred her into rolling closer against him, taking his face in her hands. She couldn’t have him thinking that there was any part of his body that she didn’t think was absolutely perfect, that she didn’t feel blessed to touch him the way he let her, that everything they did together wasn’t deliriously sweet to her. “Really, I’m just a little tired.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. It’s not your fault. I should eat more, then I’ll be fine.”

“Do you want to sleep?”

“Maybe. Maybe for a bit.” She could sit up and get herself some food, but she couldn’t bring herself to turn away from him when he was still looking like _that_. Sad. Rejected.

She’d kiss him now if he’d let her. Instead, she just ran the point of her nose up his, then down the other side. His lips quirked a little so she did it again. “Okay now?” she murmured.

He nodded, but she could tell he wasn’t, not all the way. He’d get there though. She let him go and rolled over to sit up, reaching for the Gatorade and what food was left on plates on the nightstand. She had brought more from the kitchen hours ago, but it was mostly gone now. She finished off the crusts and crumbs.

“I can get more,” he offered behind her.

She shook her head, her mouth full. Her instincts wouldn’t allow him to leave their bed to provide for her. It was her job to provide for him, but just then, as she was the only one hungry, she couldn’t be bothered. “It’s fine, baby, don’t worry.”

She felt the bed shift and dip, heard his skin slide against the sheet, and then he was brushing her hair off her neck, tucking it over her shoulder, and the cold wet towel traced a line down her shoulder blade.

He was washing her. He was pushing her. He was taking care of her, even now, and she could _not_ handle it, not until whatever had rattled loose in her was tied firmly back down.

“Ben,” she warned.

The movements stopped. “No?”

She shook her head. She could barely speak. Things were bubbling up her throat, making it ache, and she knew if he said any of them she would cry.

_Let me kiss you._

_Kiss_ me _._

_Hold me, please just hold me, no one’s ever held me before and I think you could._

“You said,” he reminded her.

“I know, just… later, okay?” She didn’t look at him, but she followed his movements behind her as he put the towel down and laid down on the other side of the bed. When she dared a glance, his back was to her. She’d hurt him.

But she couldn’t say any of those things she wanted because… she was the alpha. As much as she wanted to beg him for just a moment in his arms to let go and still be safe, she couldn’t because even a moment’s weakness would break his trust in her. He was an omega. He needed her to be strong in order for him to feel safe when he was so vulnerable. Taking away his little reward with the towel was nothing compared to how he would feel if she cried in front of him. She didn’t have to be fair, she just had to take care of him.

For a long minute, Rey just sat and forced her feelings down, washing them down with Gatorade, burying them under an energy bar. The sugar helped pick her up, and once she felt stable enough, she lay down on her back. She reached out and let her knuckles graze his back. “Okay, I’m ready now.”

She wondered if he would ignore her, or make her work harder at least, but he rolled obediently over, jumping at the hint of reconciliation. He picked the towel up and looked at her body for a place to start.

“Can you go make it warm for me, sweetheart? It’s gone cold.” She mimed a shiver, trying to look cute, trying to make him laugh.

He didn’t smile, nor did any light come into his eyes, but he nodded and left for the en suite. She kept him in sight the entire time, watching as he held his hand under the tap until the water was hot enough, then soaking the towel, rinsing and wringing it out.

He brought it out and Rey watched him, unsure where to put her hands, leaving them at her side. Ben sat beside her and wordlessly touched the towel to her chest between her breast, and the heat spread through her as if she was colder than she’d realised. She stared at his face but he never met her eyes and his expression was still heavy, so she lifted her arms over her head in a show of submission just to get a reaction of him, damn it, but he didn’t give her one.

“I’m sorry,” she said quietly in the silent room. “You did nothing wrong. I just had a moment, that’s all.” She abandoned the submissive posture, reaching for him, threading the fingers of one hand through his hair. He leant into her touch immediately, his big brown calf-eyes looking at her at last.

“Tell me,” he whispered, the words barely making it out between his full lips tripping over each other.

“What?”

He swallowed, gathering himself. “Tell me, and I’ll fix it. I won’t do it again, I promise.”

He still thought it was his fault, but how to explain that it was and it wasn’t? _You just looked at me, that’s all. You looked at me like we’re going to stay together._ “It wasn’t your fault, baby,” she said instead.

He dropped his eyes and she knew he didn’t believe her. He rubbed the towel against her chest and she let him, her hand going back to her side.

He washed her chest, mopping at her breast gently, making her pussy pulse. He moved on to her shoulders, her neck, her face, down her arms. He picked up her hands and wiped her fingers, frowning in concentration as he held them up in front of him. He rubbed broad swathes across her stomach, the chilling dampness making her nipples pebble. He washed the bones of her hips. He rubbed the towel over her mound, and Rey opened her legs, inviting him in, but he ignored her even though she could feel her wetness and his come marking her thighs.

He went down one leg, giving her foot the same treatment he had given her hands, then up the other leg.

Rey kept herself taught like an iron cable. He was taking care of her, yes, but she wouldn’t let it affect her emotions this time. It didn’t mean anything, it was just a sex game. His ministrations were soothing, and she found herself yawning more than once, but she was also turned on, her pussy leaking and her belly jumping, her thighs tensing. She wondered if she should touch herself, if he would like that, or if that would be misbehaving. This was his reward after all, and she wanted to give it to him the way he wanted, to make it up to him. So she just pushed her hips into the bed every now and then and let him finish.

Ben glanced at her face as he dipped the towel between her legs, making sure he was allowed. He was, Rey wanted him there. She opened her legs further, welcoming the soft touch of the towel, the press of his finger through it against her entrance. She hadn’t let him finger her yet. He hadn’t asked either. Her pussy was swollen and red from all their fucking, but she was built to take it. Still, she was tender as he cleaned her, and his warm wet probing made her wetter still.

Ben moved the towel to his other hand, the one hanging off the side of the bed, and maybe dropped it on the floor, maybe saved it for later, Rey couldn’t see. He flattened his other hand against the mattress beside her and held her eyes as he lowered his face. He stopped before he got really close to her pussy, his intentions clear, giving her time to say no.

She waited for him to ask, but he didn’t, naughty boy. Her mind filled with flirty, alpha things she could say, things he’d probably like to hear. She could tease him, order him.

Instead she nodded weakly, her voice rough and feeble when she said “If you want.”

Her permission changed something for him. He cupped her knees and pulled them wide, climbing between them, struggling to fit his big body in the space. He bent her legs and let go reluctantly, as if they were a house of cards that could come tumbling down. When she kept them where he’d put them, her pussy spread open and bare, Ben shuffled down, curling into a ball so he could fit his mouth to her.

Rey had been eaten out before, of course. She had gripped hair and pulled the face she was sitting on up into her cunt as she’d come down the happy omega’s throat. But she wasn’t in the habit of doing anything on her back, even this. She was always kneeling, or standing, with her partner under her. This, with Ben _there_ , took a vulnerability she wasn’t sure she could give him, but she gripped her hands in the sheet and watched him because she would give it to him. He deserved it. And he wouldn’t hurt her. He never had. He was so gentle.

And this was no different. His breath touched her first, hot against her pink skin, and she felt a gush of slick in response. Then Ben simply slotted his open mouth against her and he was heat and wet and softness, as soft as if his hand had cupped her through her clothes, almost lazy. He rested there and moaned, humming his pleasure, his eyes rolling back and his lids fluttering closed. He mouthed delicately at her like a baby looking for a latch, and she felt his tongue touch her then disappear, coming back a moment later, dabbing at her, testing his boundaries, collecting her taste. It kind of made her want to seize his head and jam him against her, make him go hard and fast until she came, but she didn’t. He looked so blissed out, and no one had ever touched her as gently as he did.

He grew bolder with his tongue, licking her now, and she wriggled a little. He readjusted the seal of his mouth and found her clit, touching and retreating just as he had before, then licking, and eventually sucking.

It was the softest oral sex she’d ever received, and a voice in her head said he would take forever to make her come like this, but she pushed it away. That wasn’t how she felt, and if he wanted forever, he could have it, just for the look on his face. He licked up her slick when it spilled from her and suckled lightly at her clit, barely there. She watched, his face half-obscured by her body, unsure if she was allowed to touch him or not.

He moaned again, changing the way his lips framed her again as if he had slipped a little, and Rey didn’t know what to do. There was no way she could keep still throughout, the urgency was building in her, but she wanted to let him do what he wanted. She didn’t want to butt her roughness up against his softness, slam into his gentleness and grind against it until it broke. And she wouldn’t beg. This was for him, so she just lay there, panting, her hands tight in the sheets, her tense body a sharp contrast to his leisurely sucking at her.

Almost to her surprise, she felt an orgasm building in her, far away and hard to reach as he winched it in with his lazy lips. Her breaths came in time with his drags on her clit, and she felt almost panicked as if this huge thing that was heading towards her would be too much. It wasn’t like any other orgasm she’d ever had, it didn’t feel like it usually did, coming from such a light touch.

“Ben!” she cried as she got closer and built higher but still she didn’t come, and she didn’t come, teetering on the edge forever. She wouldn’t beg. She thrashed her head and bowed her spine, trying to reach it, trying to make it come. Maybe he only did it to protect his face from her movements, but he laid his arm across her belly, heavy and firm, and he hummed against her, pleased by her calling his name. He licked her again, his tongue rolling over her clit, and maybe it was an act of mercy because she shattered, the orgasm hitting her and making her cry out, her pussy seizing impossibly hard, as if punishing her for the lack of him inside her.

Ben lifted his head as she caught her breath, looking at her and licking his lips clean, chasing her slick with his tongue. Rey ran a hand through her hair, endorphins rushing through her system and crowding out her fears and good sense. She was a creature of impulse, and alphas took what they wanted.

He was hard, of course.

She opened her arms to him. “Come here. Fuck me. I need you inside me.”

His brows cinched in confusion, his eyes darkening from the sated look he’d got from her coming on his tongue, but he crawled over her obediently. He kept his arms straight, holding his body at a respectful distance, and she pulled at his arms, lifting herself off the bed enough to get a hold on his ribs so she could pull him down. He went reluctantly, obviously thinking he’d misunderstood and was on the verge of doing something he wasn’t allowed, but she nuzzled his neck as she kicked his knees out from under him and arranged him where she wanted him.

“You’ve done this before, right? With your betas? Do it for me.”

“Are you sure?” Conventional wisdom said that an alpha would not allow an omega on top.

“I’m sure.” It wasn’t like Rey had never had sex in the missionary position before, but she could count how many times she had on one hand. She had never really _wanted_ to the way she wanted it now, it wasn’t like she had a kink for it, but she _did_ want him on top of her then. Maybe she had a kink for that, for being covered by him, her gentle giant who was so sweet to her. She could do it with him when she didn’t feel safe doing it with others.

With her ankles against his hips, she spurred him into her, folding his hips against hers as his cock sunk into her. It felt different this way, he was so close. They were practically skin to skin from the hips up. His chest was right there in front of her face for her to lick and nibble as she pleased. His thick biceps caged her in, and his hair tickled her cheeks when she licked up his throat and sucked on his jaw.

He shuddered. “Rey…”

“Come on, baby, I know you know how,” she encouraged, still tugging and pulling at him, trying to get him to move. “I’ll knot you. Fuck me deep.”

Maybe that was the trigger he’d needed because he groaned and pulled back to thrust in hard. In this he was not gentle, he was too big and he didn’t have the control. That was one of the reasons alphas usually topped, because omegas were often too frantic, too desperate, too lost in their heats. Rey didn’t mind, she wanted to see it, to _feel_ it, what Ben would do to her when she wasn’t holding him down. He filled her in one smooth stroke, and she grunted, the blunt head of him hitting her cervix with a burst of pleasure/pain.

His hand went to her thigh, pressing it against his side as he pumped into her, taken over by a rhythm that drove him in and out of her quickly. She licked the gathering sweat off his chest as he huffed and shook above her. His chin tipped down to her and she looked up to meet his eyes. He looked stunned, almost panicked, so she smiled at him to reassure him, even as his body bounced hers. She planted a foot and thrust her hips back against his, and he squeezed his eyes shut.

If he was going to try to shut her out, she’d talk to him instead. “You feel so good, I knew you would, so good inside me, I love your cock.”

He whimpered, and she knew he was begging her not to push him. “Rey…”

She sucked his nipple into her mouth. She wanted to make him fall apart. The pleasure of his cock inside her was relentless, the flare from one thrust not fading before the next was already hitting, and her cunt was tightening, tightening… He shifted suddenly and pushed one hand between them, his thumb playing with her clit, not that he really needed to, and it made her back bow off the bed.

“Oh!” she groaned.

“You’re gonna come, right? You’re gonna come?” he begged, and she knew he was close to coming, and to be honest, she didn’t mind if he did and she didn’t, and she knotted him like that, because she wanted him to fuck her cervix again and make her come that way. She wanted to make him fuck her when his big dick was sore and sensitive and shooting come, gripped in her merciless body.

She ran her hand up his back, up his spine to the back of his neck and she gathered a fistful of his hair. “Come, Ben, then keep fucking me. Fuck me through my knot, force your way in like you did before, then I’ll come,” she growled.

He moaned and shivered, his body turning to steel between her thighs as he came. She felt the instant response of her knot swelling inside her, cinching around him, trapping him.

“R-Rey!”

“More, Ben, more, more, more…” She steered him with her legs, driving him into her until he took over, pinning her leg to her stomach and fucking her with short jolts.

“Ah!” she cried as his cock breached her cervix again, his come making everything hot and wet inside her, making her feel a part of her she never had before. He grunted and almost growled as he worked through his own climax, obeying her against all of his instincts and how tired he must be. Rey willed herself to open to him, to take his cock, all of it, and the slick push of his thrusts against her knot made her come in seconds with a scream.

He slumped against her, pinning her as her aftershocks fluttered around him. His cock felt so big inside her as she came down, blunt and inescapable, still pressing against her walls as they caught their breath. They were stuck together now, and he was coating her in his sweat, that sweet tempting smell. She stroked her hand up his back and kissed his shoulder, his head resting on the pillow to one side.

“Good,” she said, her body twinging and sore in a delightful way. That would fade before they had to go again. He hummed in acknowledgement of her praise, and she rubbed his body all over until her knot released him. Then they slept.

 

 

 

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is a little shorter than they have been to allow for a time jump between chapters. 
> 
> I also changed the chapter count to ? because let's be real... After they get together I want to make them fuck A LOT on a lot of different occasions and I don't know how I'm going to structure that yet. I just have a lot of things I want to make them do.

It was day three, and any structure between them had eroded entirely. They fucked in cowgirl, reverse cowgirl, missionary, handjobs, blowjobs, rimjobs. Neither of them had the strength to try it standing, though Ben had gone on his knees at the edge of the bed and fucked into her like that. Whatever he needed, whenever he needed, Rey gave it to him. Not that he ever asked for anything specific, it was only ever _please, alpha, please, please_. It was up to Rey to decide how she would take him. She didn’t think he really cared about variety, not in the moment, but she wanted him to look back later and maybe be impressed. He wouldn’t have cared, just then, if she rode him every time, but maybe afterwards he would see her care and consideration in the way she came up with new things.

They still hadn’t kissed, though Rey had come damn close. She’d had a few last-second saves, kissing the corner of his lips instead.

She invited him to try doggy-style, so she was on all fours, her face down on her bent arms, her ass and cunt tilted up for him. She’d had men try this with her before, so this wasn’t the first time she found herself in this position, but she’d never allowed anyone else to actually see it through. With him, she would. Because… Because she liked him. Because he was gentle and sweet, and she knew it wasn’t about anything else with him. It wasn’t about topping an alpha with him. All he wanted was to come, and he seemed to think she was making things unnecessarily complicated just then because he held her hips like he didn’t know what to do and he kept losing his rhythm. He’d thrust for a bit, then slow and stop, as if he was unsure or distracted.

She looked over her shoulder at him.

“Okay, baby?” Her voice was hoarse after three days. They were both disgusting. His hair was lank and clumpy and tangled, and she was glad she hadn’t looked in a mirror. But it didn’t matter because he was still beautiful, he was still amazing.

He whined. “Rey, I…”

“You don’t like it like this, baby, do you?”

“It feels wrong, doing this to you…” he whispered.

Rey pulled herself off him and turned around, taking his face in her hands, rolling her stomach against his hard wet cock. “Okay,” she said, impossibly charmed that he didn’t want to use her like that even when she offered. Most people would, but he was good, he was loyal. He only wanted to please her. He wanted to _be_ used _by_ her. She kissed the side of his mouth again. “Lie down.”

She guessed he liked this best. He didn’t have to perform and therefore couldn’t fail, and he got to watch her tits bounce and his cock disappear inside her. He hurried down onto his back and Rey crawled over him. Before she pushed him inside her, she snuggled up close to him, his chest sweaty. She wiggled over him, her butt in the air as she searched for his ear with her mouth. She had done this enough that he’d stopped flinching, lying placidly to take it. It made her grin, that maybe she had taught him to love this part of himself. She licked up the rim, then nibbled her way down again, licking into the hollow behind his lobe.

He made a small noise, of complaint or impatience or pleasure she wasn’t sure.

She laughed a little. “You like that?” She did it again, sucking the end of his ear between her lips. “I think you do. I think you like it when I do things you kind of maybe don’t like so much.”

He groaned softly. “Rey, please…”

“Please what?”

He whimpered, looking at her from the corner of his eye. “Fuck me.”

She laughed again and kissed down his neck. “Okay, baby.” She reached between them and pointed his cock at her cunt, then wiggled down onto it. His breath hitched, and she held herself up on her arms, staring down at him as she rode him slowly and he writhed. She was moving slowly enough to incorporate a lazy circling of her hips into her movement, changing how he moved in and out of her.

She loved to watch him. She could see nothing but his face for the rest of her life and die happy. And she was determined to enjoy it while it lasted because even then, there was a tiny voice in her head warning her that she didn’t have permission to feel that way about him.

He shifted under her. “Rey… faster…”

“No, baby. I think this is the last time. I think your heat’s going to be over after this. I want to make it last.”

He whined. “But-”

“Please, baby.” It slipped out before she caught it, hoping he was too desperate to come to notice. He groaned and nodded and she took it. With that, she just kept her slow, teasing rhythm. She could keep him on edge with this for ages. She could do this until he was literally fighting underneath her. She bit her lip in eager anticipation.

When he started to get fretful again, she took his hands, lacing their fingers together and putting her weight into his palms, his hands pinned by his shoulders. Even he, so much bigger and stronger than she was, would struggle to get any leverage in that position. He didn’t seem to notice the strategy behind the move, squeezing her hands as a release or with affection. His hands were so much bigger than hers, she marvelled, taking a moment to appreciate his thick blunt fingers crushing hers, and the soft pad of his palms supporting her.

She kept moving and circling, slowly, slowly.

He whimpered. He whimpered on every thrust, as if every one was him asking anew for her to take pity on him. She didn’t. She wanted to push him further, watch him fall apart completely. He started begging.

“Rey- Rey, _please_ , please, I need more, I- Please.”

She shook her head, licking the sweat from her lips.

His dark eyes were dizzy and frantic as he stared up at her like she was the centre of his universe. “But I- _Please_.”

“You’ll come, you’ll come eventually, but I’m going to make it feel so big for you. You’re gonna hurt with it before you get it. You’re gonna feel it so much.”

His hands tightened on hers, and she felt him try to push up, try to move her and get free, and she didn’t let him. His eyes widened as he realised she was actually holding him down, and he looked at her, a little panicked. He turned his head, looking at their laced hands. He struggled, not as if he was really trying to throw her off, but testing her.

His mouth opened, shocked, but when he looked back at her, he quieted, cowed. He would be good and take what she gave him. He would do what she wanted.

For as long as he could, anyway. It wasn’t long before a spark of rebellion flashed in his eyes and he licked his lips, then bucked his hips up into her hard and fast, almost spilling her forwards on top of him.

Rey had expected him to think of that. “Don’t do that!” she snapped. “Be good. You want to be good, don’t you?”

He whimpered again, turning his face away and rubbing his cheek into the pillow, screwing his eyes shut. “But… _please_ … Just a little, I-I’m going crazy…”

“Shh,” she soothed, taking some pity on him and leaning down to lick along his jaw, suck his neck. “You can take it, I know you can.”

He huffed a few deep breaths as if steeling himself, and she sat back up to keep working him.

She cocked her head and smirked. “Does it feel good, baby?” she said, a line she must have given a hundred times so far.

“No,” he groaned.

Her rhythm faltered, just a little. “Oh, now you’re just being mean. But I know you’re only trying to make me angry so I’ll fuck you harder. You’re lucky I don’t go slower to punish you.”

He gave a dry sob. “Please, I’m sorry.”

Rey leant over him and kissed the air. “I forgive you.” She buried her nose in his neck. “You feel so good in me, have I told you that? I love it.”

“You may… have mentioned it,” he bit out, the tendons in his neck twitching with random spasms as she worked herself over him.

She nipped the closest one. “Cheeky. You love it too. Don’t you?”

He gasped.

“Don’t you, Ben, when I tell you how much I love fucking your big fat cock?”

He whimpered. “ _Yes_ … Yes, I love it…”

“Mmm, good, baby.”

For a minute he was quiet, trying to behave, but his stomach twitched with aborted movements his body tried to make on its own, and his hips shifted and writhed.

“Keep going, baby, you’re doing so well, I’m so proud of you…” she encouraged him, her own blood rushing hot through her veins, driven by the soft slow fuck of his cock against the walls of her cunt. Her own orgasm didn’t matter to her, she just wanted to see him fall apart. “Are you close? Can you feel it coming?”

“I-I don’t know. Rey, I need _more_ …”

“Okay, honey, okay.” She stopped the circling thrust of her hips, straightening up, and he left his hands where they were, forgetting about his earlier attempt to get free from her. She pulled up, until only the head of him was still inside her, and tightened as hard as she could.

“ _Ah!_ Rey! Please!”

She reached down and wrapped her hand around his shaft, wet with her slick, massaging it. He panted as he watched, his mouth open, his lips and tongue showing red. She squeezed tight and drove her hand down, pumping him hard, and he twisted on the bed, his shoulders almost turning him on his side as he grabbed the pillow and moaned into it. After a few pumps, she took her hand away and slid her pussy down him again, starting the slow rhythm again. He slumped back onto his back, and when he looked at her again, she held her hand out over his mouth. He watched her face, and she cocked an eyebrow, and he opened his mouth. Rey shoved two fingers in, reaching to the back of his tongue, being rough with him. He moaned as she finger-fucked his face, then he grabbed her wrist with both hands and lost himself, taking over, feverishly licking her hand clean.

She let him, her cunt seizing at the feel of his tongue sliding deftly between her fingers.

She knew he was coming, because he grunted in time with her thrusts against him, inarticulate “Uh, uh, uh”s echoing from his throat as he kept licking her hand. Even when his belly seized, and she pressed him deep for her knot, and he screwed his eyes shut, his hands just tightened on her arm and he held her hand over his mouth as if saving it for later, his breaths coming hot against her wet palm.

She felt her knot trigger, snugging him into her where he belonged. When he opened his eyes again, she could see his guilt, so she gently took her hand back and ground down on him and said “It’s okay, you know how to make me come, come on.” She placed his hands on her hips, waiting for him to fuck her, fuck his come into her.

He started to, planting his foot on the bed behind her for leverage and taking a bruising hold on her hips, jerking his hips against her hard enough to hurt, the crown of his cock breaking through her limit, once, twice, and she sucked her bottom lip between her teeth, delighting in the heat that flooded her as her body was overwhelmed, but then something changed, he was slipping out of her knot and softening inside her.

She looked at him, startled, and he looked frantic.

“I-I-I’m sorry, I-!”

“Shh, it’s okay,” Rey soothed, stroking his stomach. She swung her leg over him, unsaddling and pulling out of his hands with practiced ease. They were done. He was- His heat was over. She flopped onto her back beside him. She didn’t want to make him feel bad, but she was disappointed. Her last time with him, and she hadn’t even come, a victim of her own stupid idea.

“Rey, I can- Let me,” he said, rolling over to look at her, his eyes imploring.

She considered saying no, smiling and saying she didn’t need it, that she was satisfied as it was, but she could see the need to even the score on his face, the horror at having taken from her without giving.

“Okay,” she allowed, and he scrambled down the bed, hurrying to pull her legs apart and fit his mouth to her, licking up his come as it ran out of her. She took a fistful of his hair, and said “Use your fingers, I want you inside me.”

He obeyed, twisting two quickly inside her and stirring the mess, curling and rubbing them against her front wall until she hissed, and his tongue on her clit made her come, her spine bowing off the bed.

She kept her hold on him for as long as she could. She didn’t want to let him go. Even when he looked up her body at her, his dark eyes big and seeking, and he flicked his tongue over her clit again, silently asking if she wanted him to do it again, she didn’t feel convinced. She wanted to clench her fist and carry him around by her side forever, why should she let him go? He was hers, wasn’t he? Who else did he belong to if not her? No alpha, certainly. No one else had seen him through his heat, it had been her, her. He didn’t have anyone else, he needed her.

Slowly, she forced her fingers to relax and slip from his hair, and he lifted his head uncertainly. She wouldn’t look at him, turning her face away, but she was aware of him with every other sense.

He yawned, covering his mouth. “Sorry.”

His heat was over for sure. “Go take a shower, get clean, and dry your hair. I’ll change the bed.”

“I can-”

“Go, Ben.”

With a last look at her, he slunk off the bed and into the bathroom.

He was going to wash her scent off him. She pushed that thought away. When it came back, she told herself he couldn’t get rid of it entirely, not right away. It would fade, but it would linger on him for a few days yet.

Just like his would linger on her.

It would be jarring to be clean again. Hell, to be _dressed_ again.

With a sigh, anxiety making her chew her lip, she forced herself off the bed and started stripping it. She flipped the mattress, but he’d probably have to have his duvet laundered, changing the cover would not be enough. She could do her best to make everything dry for him at least, and she went to get yet more sheets from his closet.

She didn’t want to leave yet, and that was a problem.

Everything in her said it was fine, it was fine, this was where she belonged, she made him happy. She still had work to do.

But she remembered that first day when she’d thought she was growing too attached to him. Now she _was_ too attached to him, even if she didn’t feel it. She felt happy, and it was hard to care about anything else.

She’d heard the same stories as everyone else, of alphas getting too attached after a heat. _Obsessed_. They turned into stalkers, they got arrested, Tazed and dragged away in cuffs. They scared their omegas.

That wasn’t Rey. Ben would never send her away…

Even if he did have a job, and she had work to do, and she needed to go back to her flat eventually, and… and they had met on an app. And he had written ‘ _Male omega looking for heat partner, not commitment.’_

She knew what was happening. She’d been warned, told all the horror stories. She knew- She knew- She rebelled against it. Ben _wanted_ her. _She_ wasn’t crazy. She hadn’t hurt him.

Yet.

She finished with the bed and arranged her clothes in a pile. She added his underwear to her pile, with the full intention of stealing them, just in case.

He was still in the shower. Rey tidied up the bottles, glasses, plates and wrappers. She moved around listlessly, tidying and doing what she could for him. She knew the protocol, erase every trace as soon as the heat was over, wash their scent from everything, a quick and clean break. It was what she had done every other time. It was what omegas wanted, so nobody got _too attached_.

But Ben was _different_. She couldn’t bear to start the washing machine running after she’d stuffed all the linens in there. She just couldn’t do it. He might want them, her scent on them. He _had_ wanted them. So she just shut the door and walked away. She couldn’t destroy her scent on them if he wanted them.

The shower shut off, and she hovered until he came out, wearing boxers and yawning wide, towelling his wet hair.

Rey smiled indulgently at the sight. “Tired, baby?” she asked. It didn’t feel wrong to still call him that.

He nodded, sitting on the bed within her reach. She took the towel from him and began wiping it over his hair, gently scrunching water from it, fluffing it so it would dry. He smiled at her, his eyes half-closed.

“Sleep, baby. I’m going to shower.”

He nodded and lay down, pulling his legs up to curl on the bed. She pulled the duvet over him. He was asleep in seconds. Rey tucked a wet lock back from his face.

She went to shower. She stood under the hot water for a few minutes, trying to work herself up to washing him off her, her thighs clenched protectively around the mess of his come between them. Eventually, she convinced herself to move by washing her body with his shampoo rather than the sharp-smelling body-wash, and she only used her hands, not scrubbing too hard. She washed her hair, and when she got out, she stared for a moment at the wet towel he had used, hung back up on the heated rail. She pulled it off and brought it to her nose. His scent was all over it: man, skin, omega, cock. She dried herself with it, though that was more just a consequence of rubbing it all over her body. She paid special attention to her pussy, making sure the scent transferred.

When she left the bathroom, he was dead to the world. She raided his laundry hamper for a T-shirt, shoving her own top in her handbag. She was tired too but now she knew what she had to do. She had to so she didn’t hurt him. She didn’t want to but she knew… she knew stealing his dirty clothes wasn’t a balanced thing to do. Smelling a bit cleaner helped her thoughts clear and… She knew she shouldn’t have his underwear in her bag. That was stalker behaviour. That was crazy obsessed alpha behaviour.

Luckily, she’d turned her phone off after texting Finn when she’d first arrived, or the battery would be long dead. She turned it on and ignored all the notifications, opening instead her message thread with Poe.

_SOS ASAP just finished a heat with a guy, think I bonded to him, this is not a drill, need extraction_

_Probably with force_

She chewed her nail as she waited for a reply.

_Oh fuck_

_Seriously?_

_Okay, tell me the address_

_Get as drunk as you can_

Her instincts rebelled against inviting another alpha there, _there_ , where Ben was. Poe would definitely smell him and then how could he resist? Because Ben was perfect, delicious, sweet, and so vulnerable, so tired, Poe would hurt him, Rey would have to fight him, maybe she could get a knife from the kitchen…?

Rey went to Ben’s kitchen, still littered with bottles from the first night, and gulped rum straight from the bottle. Then she put the door on the latch. Then she texted Ben, while she still could.

_Hey, I got my friend to collect me. I had a great time! Thank you for everything_

There. That said what needed saying but didn’t come on too strong. She had more rum.

By the time Poe arrived, easing the front door open, Rey couldn’t see straight. Still she growled and tried to climb to her feet, determined to take him on.

As she lurched towards him, he caught her around the middle – _the smell of an alpha, so wrong_ – and stuffed something in her mouth, a rag of some kind. Then before she knew it, her hands were tied behind her back.

“Okay, princess, I’ve got you,” Poe murmured, hefting her by one arm and half-walking, half-carrying her to the door. “Lover boy won’t know a thing.”

When the door to Ben’s apartment closed behind them, Rey panicked, going limp in Poe’s arms as she realised she was being taken away. She screamed, muffled by the gag. She tried to scream Ben’s name. She needed him to know she hadn’t left on purpose, would never leave him on purpose.

Poe picked her up, trying to get her over his shoulder as she flailed and screamed, her hands curled into claws even if they were tied. He ran through the building as Rey elbowed him in the head and kicked him in the thighs.

She needed Ben. _Ben_ needed _her_. He was sleeping, he was _unprotected_ , anything could happen, anyone could _get_ to him and take him _away_ from her.

She hadn’t even said goodbye. She hadn’t kissed him. She hadn’t told him he was beautiful one last time, or that he was special, perfect, _everything_ to her.

Poe got her to his car, throwing her in the back seat. She snarled through her gag and kicked the door as he shut it on her, running to the driver’s seat and pulling hurriedly away. Rey thrashed, almost falling off the seat.

“It’s for the best, princess!” he yelled over her.

She screamed in indignation and threat.

She hadn’t felt fear like this in a long time, and none of it was for her, it was all for Ben. She’d left him _asleep_.

“He’ll be fine!” Poe yelled.

Rey sobbed and kept kicking the door. 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Everyone said how sad the last chapter was so I dialled up the angst for this one. 
> 
> They don't fuck! Amazing. They don't even meet, but they are both in this chapter.

Poe took her to his apartment. It made sense because he lived alone. Rey lived with Finn, an omega. Smothering her in Poe’s alpha scent would piss her off, sure, but it would also make her wary and maybe better behaved. She wouldn’t go after Finn, not when she was so obsessed with Ben, but being surrounded by another omega’s scent would make her even more desperate to escape and run back to her own. She’d feel like she was cheating, like Ben would smell Finn on her and reject her, and it would make her panic.

She didn’t calm down for the car ride there. Poe dragged her out of the back seat head-first so she couldn’t kick him, and put her over his shoulder again. If anyone saw, they’d probably call the police. Rey snarled and thrashed and bit down on the gag. If only she could compress it enough to get her teeth together, she could bite Poe and then maybe he’d drop her and she could run back to Ben.

He kept hold of her until he got through his front door, then dumped her on the couch. She yowled through the gag, but he didn’t react as he walked away from her, coming back a moment later with big kitchen scissors and a scarf he tied around her legs. Rey didn’t care what he wanted to do to her, she wouldn’t show fear. She pulled her lips off her teeth and lunged. He trapped her legs, kneeling on them, and put the scissors to the hem of her T-shirt.

Ben’s T-shirt.

She realised what he meant to do and shrieked, shaking her head and staring wide-eyed, begging, imploring. She’d rather he do anything else, cut her hair, cut her _skin_ , but not that. It was _Ben’s_.

The scissors closed with a sharp zip through the cotton and she screamed again.

“Sorry, princess, it’s got to come off!” he yelled over her as she threw all her strength into just getting away from him, but her shoulders were blocked by the arm of the couch and he had her legs pinned. He cut upward through the T-shirt and Rey sobbed hysterically, screaming. If she’d ever wanted anything – and she had, she had – she wanted this. She had learned very young that tears and begging got her nowhere, people didn’t listen, but for this she would try, try to milk just a single drop of mercy.

Poe’s face was scrunched up, determined but not deaf to her cries, as he cut all the way up to her neck. She felt the metal tips touch the soft skin under her neck and tears fell. He had cut all the way through.

“You can’t get better if his scent is on you,” Poe said. “At least you’re not naked under here.”

The cut shirt slid off her belly and Poe moved to cut through the sleeves so he could get it off without uncuffing her hands. Rey rolled, burying the sleeve under her body as desperately as if it was her child her was taking scissors to, but he just went for the other one instead, the one she had stupidly exposed. Her instincts said the best defence was a good offence. Begging hadn’t worked, so she snarled again and lunched for his arm. She’d hoped to intimidate him, startle him off at least, but he didn’t move. He knew it was an empty threat with the gag in.

The _sizz-sizz_ of the scissors through her sleeve made her keen. It seemed to take him no time at all to fight her into the position he wanted and cut the shirt into shreds he could pull from her body. She screamed after him as he stood and took them away. She didn’t see what he did with them. She wanted to beg him not to throw them away. If she wasn’t gagged, she would be bargaining with him, promising him anything to just- just put them to one side, so she could have them _afterwards_ , when she was better. That would be alright, she could have them back in a few days, and they would still have Ben’s scent on them, and maybe she could fix them, sew the pieces back together. She couldn’t ever give it back to Ben like that, give him a _broken thing_ , but she could have it. She would still love it, treasure it, rub her body on it in secret at night maybe. She didn’t mind broken things.

But she couldn’t bear it if Poe put Ben’s shirt in the bin, with smelly garbage, as if it was a bad thing. It wasn’t, it was precious.

Her body hurt. She’d just come off a heat, she hadn’t slept or eaten or hydrated properly, and she was really drunk, and she’d wrestled Poe as hard as she could whenever she could. Her head dropped to the sofa for a moment and she sobbed again, just once. She’d taken something of Ben’s and she’d _lost it_. It was _ruined_ because of her. She was despicable, as an alpha and a person. He would be so mad. He’d never want her. He’d never want to see her again.

Poe dropped a blanket over her, presumably to offer her some modesty as she writhed on the sofa gagged and bound in her bra.

It smelled like him. Alpha smell was all around her. Male alpha smell, trying to take her over. She howled through her gag.

 

 

 

 

Poe couldn’t untie her until the next morning. He offered her dinner but she kicked it all over his floor, making him sigh. He left her alone in the dark for the long hours of the night, and she slept a bit. He’d used plain string to tie her limbs to the sofa legs, and she’d already tried to escape, but she knew now she couldn’t. Whenever she was awake, she was fighting, until she eventually exhausted herself.

When she woke up, Poe crouching in front of her, she didn’t snarl. She was too thirsty, too sore from being tied. He nodded.

“Don’t bite me, and don’t scream. If you scream it’s going back in.”

He stuck his fingers between her teeth and pulled out the foul sodden gag. He held a bottle of water to her mouth until she finished it.

“Are you going to be good today?” he asked, and she growled, her throat rough despite the water. There was no need for him to talk down to her. Now she’d had some water, she could fight him again. That was his mistake.

He sighed. He stood and walked away. She heard cupboards opening, and he came back with a short tumbler and a bottle of vodka. He filled the glass.

“You’re gonna need to drink this,” he said. “Then you can use the bathroom and eat something.”

She didn’t want to drink it. It burned and made her feel sick and it tasted disgusting, but she drank it because… because part of her didn’t want to feel anymore. Quickly building in her was the urge to howl for Ben until she was hoarse, and the small mute part of her that had made her reach out for Poe in the first place, the part that said if Ben saw her like this he would hate her, didn’t want that. She didn’t want to be capable of anything just then, not escaping, not contacting him, not thinking. When she was drunk it felt like it was simply a matter of overpowering Poe, as if _he_ was the problem. When she was sober, Rey was the problem.

When the glass was empty and her head was swimming and she was wondering if she would throw up, Poe gave her a pitying look and untied her, helping her into the bathroom. He gave her a spare toothbrush and instructed her to shower sitting down so she wouldn’t fall, then took her clothes to wash.

Everything smelled like him. The toiletries, the toothpaste. The shower gel felt like acid on her skin, washing away Ben and replacing him with another man. At least Poe was an alpha, so his scent made Rey want to fight. If she’d had to wear another omega’s scent she probably would have been sick. As it was, she sat for a long time after her shower, unable to bring herself to put her body on Poe’s towels and mark them the way she had marked Ben’s.

Eventually she dried in the air and loosely held a towel around herself because she had nothing else to cover herself with. When she opened the door, Poe had left her some clothes of his for her to wear. As she slowly forced her legs into the sweatpants as if they were full of cold mud, she moaned in despair and took great gasps of air, trying to escape his smell, trying to find Ben’s anywhere. She wanted to wear Ben’s clothes. His sweatpants would be like heaven, sweaty and ripe. She wanted _his_ scent on her, not have it scraped off her until she felt flayed by the alpha scent, her own skin feeling radioactive with pheromones trying to conquer it.

She crawled out of the bathroom so Poe would know she was done, then sat on the floor in the hall, miserable and weighed down by vodka.

Where was Ben? Where was her omega? She had to find him.

She crawled away, pushing doors open until Poe came after her. She hissed and kicked at him.

“No! No!”

He grabbed her ankles and dragged her face-down back to the couch as she twisted like a snake and clawed at his carpet as it burned her stomach. He tied her up again as she snapped her teeth at him.

When she started screaming for Ben, he gagged her again.

 

 

 

That evening, Poe ordered pizza and left it on the table in front of her until her stomach was growling and cramping painfully, and she was whimpering with hunger. Then he pulled the gag out and made her take three vodka shots which rushed to her blood like poison in the state she was in. He untied her hands and she fell on the pizza, stuffing her face. He poured her a big glass of soda and left the bottle for her, then sat back in the armchair at the head of the sofa, watching her.

“How do you feel?” he asked.

She growled, feral with hunger, but it was half-hearted because he had fed her after all.

He sighed, and waited for her to finish.

When she felt stretched by the pizza, she stopped. There were three boxes, and she had finished one and had two slices from the next. She didn’t want to stop, because part of her didn’t know if she would be fed again, but if she ate anymore it would all come back up, so she just hunched over the pizza protectively. Poe had a glass of brown spirits in his hand, and he pushed a second one in front of her.

“I texted Finn. He’s worried about you.”

Rey grunted. She didn’t want to see Finn, she didn’t want him to come here. She only wanted Ben, but her legs were still tied to the sofa.

She huffed, suddenly out of breath, her lungs crushed. _Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben-_

“Hey, hey!” Poe said, leaning forward and putting his hand on her back. She startled and whirled on him, falling backwards onto the sofa cushions, her eyes wide and scared.

“It’ll pass,” Poe promised solemnly. “It’s just hormones.”

Rey swallowed, her hands pressing into her aching heart. How could she just be sitting here eating pizza? She should be fighting to get to Ben, that was what a good alpha would do. She was being terrible.

“How do you know?” she panted, using her voice for the first time in over a day.

Poe sat back in his chair slowly. “It happened to me. When I was nineteen. Don’t tell Finn.” He stared into his glass, swirling the drink before taking a sip.

Inspired, Rey grabbed her glass up and downed it. It didn’t do much on top of all the pizza, so Poe passed her the bottle of vodka which was mostly empty now, and she poured the last of it down her throat.

“What did you do?” Rey asked.

“What you’re doing. He was in college at the time. I went to stand and scream outside his dorm room. Luckily some alpha frat boys dragged me away before campus security got there. They got me drunk and high in their basement. I could have left the next day but… I didn’t want to feel anything, so I stayed for almost a week, just high out of my mind. I probably would have been locked up otherwise.”

Rey tried to take that in, but she struggled. It didn’t make sense, that she could get over this, that one day she wouldn’t care anymore, and date other people. She couldn’t imagine leaving Poe’s apartment and not immediately running to Ben.

“I want to go to him,” she admitted in a small voice.

“I know you do, but he doesn’t want you like that. You’re better here. This is helping him, letting him live a life. You’ve got to remember that.”

Rey nodded. She was bad for Ben, she reminded herself. He was better off with her here. He would hate her if she went to him now, before she was better.

“Have more water,” Poe said, holding out a bottle.

Rey took it, but she couldn’t fit even that in her stomach just yet. “I don’t want to get over this. It feels like abandoning him.”

“It’s not love, princess. Just alpha hormone bullshit. You gotta remember that.”

She whimpered. “But I want him.” Her heart started to beat faster. “He needs me. You didn’t see him. He- He- He’s all alone. Has he messaged me? Where’s my phone? I need to tell him- I can text him, I can just text him that’s fine-”

Poe sighed and got wearily to his feet. “You’re not texting him.”

Rey growled. How dare he? “Untie me. Give me my phone.”

“I’ll text him if you want-”

Rey lunged, falling onto the table with her ankles still tied to the sofa. “Don’t you fucking dare, I’ll kill you, touch him and I’ll kill you, you fucking bastard-”

Rey swiped for him so he caught her wrist and wrestled her back onto the sofa. He held her down with his knee on her chest and his hand on her throat, a clear demand that she submit to the stronger alpha, but revived by pizza and sugary soda, Rey didn’t stop fighting for a long time. Only when she was physically exhausted, and they were both sweating and out of breath, and her muscles shook when she tried to push against him, did she tilt her head back in defeat.

“ _Do_ you want me to text him?” Poe panted.

Rey’s face crumpled and she sobbed into her hands. Poe lifted off her so she could curl onto her side. “Don’t take him away from me,” she begged. “Please don’t take him.”

 

 

 

She drank until she passed out.

The next day, Finn came to see her. Poe had needed him to bring more booze. Rey curled up in the corner of the sofa, keeping herself away from him. When he sat near her, trying to see how she was, she cringed and hissed at him. Hurt flashed across his face and Poe led him away.

 

 

 

Poe still wouldn’t give her phone back, so eventually she gave in.

“Text him,” she said. “Tell him I’m thinking about him, that I haven’t forgotten him. Use my phone so he knows it’s me, but- but make sure you tell him it’s you. And don’t you dare flirt with him. I’ll know if you do. Has he texted me? Check A2O too, he might have used that. Tell me what he’s said. Does he want to see me again? Tell him- Tell him I have the flu, don’t tell him I- Don’t tell him the truth. But be nice, okay? Don’t hurt him. And if there’s anything private in there, tell me. Show me, if there are pictures.” She watched, gripping the arm of the sofa until her fingers ached, as Poe took her phone off the charger and sat down with it.

“Ben?” he double-checked with her.

She nodded, swallowed. “Has he texted me? Check A2O. What did he say? Check A2O.”

She watched Poe scroll, jealousy burning the back of her throat like bile, but this was the only way to get a message to Ben.

“He says hi, he says thanks for helping him through his heat…”

“Tell him I love him.”

Poe’s lips crooked in a small smile. “I’m not going to do that, princess.”

“Noooo, Poe, you promised! You promised to write what I said!”

“I didn’t promise, and I’m doing this to protect you, trust me. I’ll tell him it’s me and that you have the flu and you’ll reply when you feel better.”

“Tell him his hair is pretty and he smells better than chocolate cake and I want to drink his come for the rest of my life.”

“Nope, not doing that either.”

“Urgh! _Please_! Tell him something nice!” She crawled out of the sofa and put her hand on Poe’s knee, leaning on him. He lifted the phone out of her reach. “He’ll forget about me!” she wailed.

“He won’t, princess. Go back on the sofa or I won’t send it.”

Rey retreated mournfully. “You didn’t see him, Poe. He’s _beautiful_. He’s _perfect_.”

“I’m sure he is,” Poe humoured her, finishing the text then taking the phone out of the room to hide it.

 

 

 

 

The day after that, Finn and Rose both came over, and while Rey curled up so tight against their omega smells that weren’t _her_ omega’s smell that she shook, everyone pretended not to notice. She missed Ben so much she ached. They watched movies and ate chips and drank beer after beer until she relaxed, lying in a puddle stretched across the sofa instead, miserable and feeling so alone she almost couldn’t hear what the others were saying. She knew they were trying to keep her company and cheer her up and reconnect her to the outside world, but she didn’t want the outside world. She wanted Ben, or if she couldn’t have him, she wanted to hide away in her prison and drink until she couldn’t feel anything anymore.

All she saw when she looked at the TV was flickering lights and moving colours. Everything was miserable. She let the numbness take her.

 

 

 

Poe sure hoped this guy sitting by himself in the bar was Ben or this was gonna be awkward. He didn’t look like an omega, not at all. He was fucking bigger than Poe, tall and wide. When Poe took the seat across the table and saw his face, all he could think was _Really? This guy?_ This was the guy who had Rey all tangled up and crazy? But then, he supposed, it wasn’t all about looks. It was about pheromones and all the rest of the bullshit they were victim to.

Ben wore a suit and, Poe supposed, he had hair that could be called pretty. A bit long for Poe’s taste, but maybe Rey liked it.

He couldn’t smell anything coming off him. He must be on suppressants.

“Ben?”

The world’s largest omega scowled at him. “You’re Rey’s friend? Poe?”

As an alpha, Poe was used to being hated on sight. No alpha welcomed another, especially a stranger, into any situation. Omegas were usually wary too. Poe couldn’t tell whether Ben was glaring out of jealousy or self-defence, and wasn’t that interesting?

“That’s me.”

“Where is she?”

“She’s fine, she’s sleeping.”

“Why isn’t she here?”

“Okay, she’s not fine, she’s sick.”

“What’s wrong with her?”

“Will you let me speak? Jesus.” He pushed his hand through his hair. Rey would kill him for doing this, but it had to be done. It had been days, and she was still talking about seeing Ben again when she got ‘better’. If this guy was going to be Rey’s mate, Poe needed to make sure they weren’t headed for disaster. Ben had to get the shovel talk. Finn would have leapt at the chance, but it would be different coming from an omega. Finn would only care about protecting his friend from a broken heart. Nobody but another alpha could understand just what happened when an alpha bonded for real, which is exactly why he had to spell it out for this guy, because he wouldn’t understand the implications of being with Rey until it was too late.

Ben’s expression darkened. Fucking ballsy for an omega, Poe thought. Not cute at all.

“Look, Rey doesn’t have the flu. She bonded to you, do you know what that means?”

Ben stared, then shook his head stiffly, as if he didn’t have to admit that very often.

“Okay well, sometimes when an alpha spends a heat with an omega, something happens. Something… extra. They… latch on. It’s like mating.”

“You were in my apartment. You’re the one. You took her away from me.”

Poe was taken back for a second. That was almost a growl. Was this guy really an omega? That was definitely more of an alpha attitude, and without his scent, Poe had no instinctive urge to _not_ beat the shit out of this guy for challenging him.

“I’m trying to fucking help you here. She _asked_ me to come and get her, because she knew she couldn’t leave on her own. Do you get what I’m saying? She _couldn’t_ leave.”

“I didn’t want her to leave. She didn’t have to.”

“Oh yeah? How about now? You still want her in your apartment today? You look like you’ve gone back to work since your heat, you want her in your apartment, doing nothing all day, touching your stuff, just waiting for you to get home?”

Ben didn’t reply. Maybe something in Poe’s voice warned him that “yes” was not the right answer, or maybe he was starting to catch on.

Poe shifted forward in his seat, as if what he said next was confidential. “Look… I asked to talk to you because Rey is my friend, okay? She and my boyfriend live together, and he’s very protective of her. They’re close-”

“Who’s your boyfriend?”

“What?”

“Who’s your boyfriend? Is he… a beta, or…?”

Poe blinked. Was this guy actually that stupid or was he pretending? “No, he’s an omega.”

Ben winced, and Poe understood. “Dude, he’s with me.”

The hurt in Ben’s face didn’t go away.

“Dude. They’re not like that.”

Ben picked at the edge of a beer mat with his thumbnail.

“They’ve never fucked and they’ve known each other forever. Finn thinks of her as a sister.”

“How does she think of him?” Ben mumbled, almost petulantly.

“Oh my god, I’m not doing this. They’re not fucking, never have, never will. My point was that if Rey gets upset, my boyfriend gets upset, and that makes me upset, get it? So I have an interest in keeping Rey happy, and that means not letting her ruin her life or yours.”

“I wouldn’t ruin her life.”

“You’re not listening to me! If you let her bond to you, it will ruin her life. She won’t have control of herself. All she would care about is you. She’s doing a PhD, did you know that?”

“…No.”

“Physics. She wants to work for NASA. She wants to be an astronaut, for Christ’s sake, she wants to go to space! But if she bonds to you, she won’t give a shit about that anymore. All her hopes and dreams, everything she’s ever wanted, won’t matter anymore. All she’ll want is you. And do you know what that kind of focus is going to do to your life? She’s going to be more possessive that you can imagine. Were your parents an alpha and omega?”

“No, alpha and beta.”

“Right. Well, mine were. I’ve seen it. It can be great, but it doesn’t leave any room for anything else. She will want to know where you are at all times. She’ll get mad if you don’t come straight home from work, if she even lets you out of the house at all. She’ll pop up and visit you wherever you go. She’ll be jealous of everyone you know. She’ll tell you not to talk to other alphas, or other women. Maybe at first you’ll talk about it, and she’ll say she knows it’s crazy, but it’s just how she feels, and eventually you’ll do it just so you can stop having the same conversation over and over. She’ll want to meet all your friends, and she’ll tell you to stop seeing the ones she doesn’t like. She will love you more than anyone ever has or ever will, but it won’t be healthy. She’ll be addicted to you, and there’s no guarantee that you’ll feel the same way about her. Even if you think you do, it can fade. You can end up stuck together with all the love eaten up by this obsession. A hundred years ago, alpha men could lock their omega wives in while they went to work, and they _did_. Just because Rey’s a woman, doesn’t mean she’s not going to feel the same way.”

Poe thought Ben had paled a little, though it was hard to tell, and he hoped that meant his words were sinking in.

“Why… Why are you telling me this? To keep me away from her?”

“No, I’m telling you this because I need you to be sure before you see her again what you want. She can get over this, but if she sees you again, she could end up right back in it. You need to be prepared to spend the rest of your life with her before you ever talk to her again, and not just that, but you need to know that you’ll be giving over your whole life to her, and she will give up everything but you if you let her. You need to know what you’re up against here.”

Ben’s face settled into a scowl and he picked at the table. Poe could see the swelling tide of defiance before it came. “Matings aren’t like that, they’re supposed to be a good thing. Alphas and omegas are _supposed_ to end up together.”

“What I’m talking about doesn’t happen to everyone. Most matings are just… you know, people date and fall in love and get married and it’s all very normal and just… the way betas do it. What happened to Rey is different, it’s primal, it’s not meant for the modern world, it’s caveman shit. It’s like going insane. Rejecting her once she’s in it...” Poe remembered how it felt, back then, standing on the grass begging his mate to come down, not understanding why he wouldn’t, then trying to fight off practically a whole football team. “It doesn’t work.”

Ben was still frowning. “Rey wouldn’t hurt me.”

This guy was too far gone, he wasn’t listening. Poe sighed. “Think about what I’m saying. Rey is only 26 years old. She hasn’t had her life yet. She doesn’t want to live in this city. She has dreams, and she will give them all up to be with you. She’ll just stop caring about everything else, so she can stay home with you. Do you think that’s fair? Do you think that’s good for her? Do you want to be responsible for that?”

Ben dropped his eyes to the table, thinking. “So what do you want me to do? You’re saying I can’t ever see her again?”

“I just need you to be aware of the consequences before you stumble into something you’re not ready for. You might think it’s just sex, that Rey’s fun or that you can take it easy and see where it goes. No, you can’t. This isn’t going to be a casual relationship. It will change your life.”

“Does it have to? Does it have to be the way you said? I mean, if we both know, then we can…”

Poe shrugged. “Honestly? Some people have got to make it work. I don’t know how. But I don’t want to see it happen to Rey. I want her to have the career that she’s dreamed of. I want her to spend time with her friends. I want her to have a life that’s more than just… one guy.”

Somehow, that seemed to strike a chord in Ben. He swallowed, nodded, and his attitude shifted from resistant to resigned. “I get it. She deserves more.”

“I’m not saying you can’t be together, I just want to make sure that you know what that means. Because once you’re in it, you can’t get out, not without breaking her.”

Ben shook his head. “I won’t. I won’t hurt her.”

Poe had a bad feeling about this, but he couldn’t put his finger on it. He’d said what he’d meant to say, and it looked like Ben had taken it on board. Hopefully, Rey would recover and get her life back, and Ben would make the smart choice.

“Okay, good. Thanks for meeting me anyway,” Poe said, standing. “I know you didn’t have to. I can buy you a drink on my way out?”

Ben shook his head, and from the quickly-smothered spasm in his lip, he didn’t like the idea of another alpha, or maybe just another man, buying him a drink.

“Well… See you around then, I guess. Have a nice life.”

As Poe moved to walk past him, Ben grabbed his wrist, stopping him.

“How is she? I mean, she’s okay, right? I didn’t…?”

Poe looked down at him, seeing for the first time that maybe this guy wasn’t an asshole, maybe underneath it all he was just worried. Or maybe he was both.

Poe nodded at him. “She’s getting better.”

Ben let his hand slip from Poe’s arm, and Poe left. He had to get back to the apartment before Rey realised he’d gone, or found her phone.

 

 


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is basically an epistolary. Why? I don't know. Cuz I'm experimenting. But you guys can sext along with Reylo! Frankly if someone doesn't jerk off to this I don't know what I'm doing here. 
> 
> It'll be a while until the next update. Maybe like, ten days? Cuz I'm away for five. So I hope this feeds you well enough to tide you over.

The next day Finn took her home. She’d stopped reacting to him, or to Poe, or to anything. She stopped drinking and she felt hungover as fuck, just filthy inside and out, her skin rank with old scents of anger and panic.

Her bond to Ben was probably gone, or going. Poe gave her a sympathetic look as Finn took her arm and half carried her out. She should have thanked him but… she couldn’t find the energy. Everything was grey. She felt like someone had poured cement in her eyes and it had filled her and made her heavy. Nothing hooked her anymore. Food didn’t matter. Things she liked didn’t matter. She didn’t talk on the journey home. It wasn’t heartbreak, because that had a pain to it. She just felt hollowed out, scraped like a pumpkin. She could stand on her own feet, walk, and she didn’t try to start a fight or mention Ben, so she was deemed to be well now.

She didn’t answer when Finn talked to her. It was like she was outside her body, or deep, deep inside it, moving it like a machine. In order to do anything, she had to make the decision and give the command. Nothing came naturally, and she didn’t feel the usual pressure to respond to cues like a normal person would. Just because Finn said something, didn’t mean she had to. Just because the car had stopped, didn’t mean she had to get out. Just because she was stood outside her building, didn’t mean she had to walk inside.

But she did. She pulled the levers and her feet moved.

As soon as she got in, she walked through to her own room and collapsed on the bed, shutting Finn out and breathing deeply, inhaling her own scent just to try to remember what she was supposed to do now, how she was supposed to feel, as if she could learn who she was by the smell on her pillow.

She remembered her bag, her phone… Ben’s boxers. A lance of pain, of desire went through her. She knew she shouldn’t, she knew she had a choice now, and she knew it would be undoing a lot of Poe’s hard work, but… It was almost a test. She didn’t want to relapse, but she wanted to know. She wanted to see. She wanted to know if she was cured or just… on pause.

Still lying on her front she dragged her bag over her back awkwardly from her other side and tipped it up on the covers beside her.

Ben’s boxers fluttered down and omega sex smell – dick and come – reached her, old and vinegary. It didn’t immediately send her out of her mind, but there was that pain again. _Him_ , something in her said, lifting its tired head. Knowing it was the wrong thing to do, she pulled them to her nose and inhaled. Pheromones swirled in her brain, and she relaxed, as if some all-encompassing tension had been comforted. She felt better. Here was something she wanted, something that mattered. She recalled his face, his sweaty hair, his strained voice.

It wasn’t the same. She didn’t feel as if she needed him to live, as if she had to run to his side that moment or some terrible fate would befall them. But it was a fond memory, and she rolled onto her back to leave Ben’s underwear draped over her face, the cotton against her lips.

Poe hadn’t given her Ben’s T-shirt back and Rey had been too out of it to ask. He’d probably thrown it out. That thought didn’t bother her as much as it had, now it was merely… regrettable, that she had cost Ben a shirt.

She separated her phone from the pile of things from her bag and woke it up. She was almost afraid to see what Ben had texted her, if anything, because she didn’t know if it had the power to push her back into her bond. But she also couldn’t resist looking.

She had notifications, missed calls, emails, Facebook, Twitter, A2O. Assuming A2O was Ben, she navigated first to her text thread, trying not to read anything as she scrolled up to the message she had sent him while waiting for Poe to pick her up.

_Hey, I got my friend to collect me. I had a great time! Thank you for everything_

He’d started replying eleven hours later, presumably when he’d woken up. Another twinge in her heart as she wondered if he’d been okay, if he’d found food and hydrated himself properly. She should have stayed.

No. She smacked that thought down. Leaving was the right thing to do because she was- she’d been… dangerous.

The messages were spread out over the following three days.

_Hi. I’m glad :) Thank you for coming over._

_Are you free this week maybe?_

_Rey?_

_…_

_Are you okay?_

_Did you lose your phone lol? Or break it?_

_I can get you a new one, if you need._

_You didn’t get into an accident on the way home or anything, right?_

_I don’t have your address._

_Or your last name._

_I can’t call hospitals without your last name._

_Okay. You’re probably fine, right?_

_You’re not answering A2O._

_I know this is your number because YOU texted ME_

_Did I do something?_

_Wrong, I mean. Did I do something wrong?_

_Rey?_

_Alpha?_

_Please just answer me, just tell me, and I’ll go away after that. I just want to know you’re okay._

_I’m not stalking you, I don’t think a text back is too much to ask after what we just went through_

_If you’re ghosting me this is pretty shitty_

_I’m sorry_

_Okay well just text me back when you feel like it, I guess, if you change your mind_

_Or if you want to do it again_

_I’ll go into heat whenever I stop my suppressants so just_

_Keep me in mind_

_I can do it again whenever_

_Hey Ben, this is Poe, Rey’s friend. She has the flu :( She’s not ghosting you. She’ll answer when she’s better._

_Who are you?_

_Where is she?_

_Does she need anything?_

_Was she too tired and that’s why she got sick?_

_I didn’t notice, tell her I’m sorry_

_Has she said anything?_

_About me?_

_I mean, don’t ask her if she’s sleeping or anything_

_Listen, man, I think we should talk._

_Face to face_

_What?_

_Why?_

_Are you the alpha that was here?_

_Those messages were for Rey, I’m not looking for another alpha_

_Wow, calm down, I’m spoken for. I just think there’s something you should know._

From there, they arranged to meet at a bar.

Rey seethed with fury, but Ben’s smell in her nose helped. She’d deal with that later. There were a few more messages.

_Rey, let me know when you get your phone back_

_Poe told me what’s happening_

_I didn’t know, I’m sorry_

_I don’t think it’s… such a bad thing_

_But obviously it is if you can’t answer texts after four days lol_

_Sorry, that was stupid_

_I just want to talk to you_

_It doesn’t have to be more than that_

_But I understand if you don’t want to_

Rey took a deep breath, steeling herself. Her omega needed her, her omega was sad, was lonely without her, thought she’d rejected him- She pushed those thoughts away. Ben was… Ben was a grown man. He’d be okay.

Poe, on the other hand, she would kill. She needed to check A2O first though. She clicked on the messages icon. Ben again.

_Hey, you’re not answering your phone_

_Are you okay?_

_…Did I do something?_

That was it. When she hadn’t replied there either, he’d clearly gone back to text.

She knew she had to reply, and she would, but she needed to think about what to say, and she needed to find out what Poe had told him. She opened her text thread with Poe, her last messages leaping out at her to take her back to the end of Ben’s heat in his apartment.

_SOS ASAP just finished a heat with a guy, think I bonded to him, this is not a drill, need extraction_

_Probably with force_

_Oh fuck_

_Seriously?_

_Okay, tell me the address_

_Get as drunk as you can_

_POE YOU ASSHOLE YOU MET WITH BEN?????_

_WHEN????_

_I’M GONNA KILL YOU!!!!!_

_WHAT DID YOU TELL HIM??_

She watched the little ticks jump down the messages, then the three dots appear and disappear.

_You saw that, huh…_

_Look, I just thought he needed to know what was going on, in case you tried to meet up with him again_

_Or turned up naked on his front step in the middle of the night_

_You know, kidnapped him from the grocery store_

_Chased him down a subway car_

_Any of those_

_I wouldn’t do that_

_Now_

_After I fixed you_

_Yeah yeah_

_But seriously, what did you tell him? Does he think I’m crazy now? :(_

_Nooo…_

_I dunno_

_I dunno what he thinks_

_I’m not in control of that *zen*_

_But he seemed alright_

_Not what I was expecting though_

_Big_

_Do you think he takes steroids?_

_Shut up!_

_Seriously_

_Do not talk to me about him_

_Do not comment_

_I will hurt you_

_Shut up_

_What did he say?_

_Er…._

_POE!_

_I’m trying to remember!_

_It was yesterday!_

_Okay, okay_

_We met at the bar_

_I told him you didn’t have the flu, that you’d bonded to him. I had to explain it_

_What did he look like? What was he wearing? Did he look okay? Not tired or hungry or anything?_

_Rey_

_Think independent thoughts_

_Or do I need to tell Finn to get the booze out and come over there?_

_No_

_Just tell me_

_He was wearing a suit_

_He looked fine, I dunno_

_On suppressants tho_

_No smell_

_Ok_

_Ok_

_Thanks_

_So I told him, like…_

_If he let you bond to him you’d give up everything else in your life to be with him_

_And that would be bad_

_What did he say?_

_He didn’t really get it for a while, I kind of had to hammer it in_

_But he got there in the end_

_Poe_

_What did you do?_

_Poe?_

_If you hurt him_

_Tell me you didn’t touch him_

_No, I didn’t, Jesus_

_Calm down ffs_

_I just explained about like, your PhD, and how you wanna be an astronaut_

_And how you wouldn’t go to space if you mated him_

_So?_

_So that would be sad, Rey!_

_A waste_

_You’re clever_

_You should go to space_

_Anyway he said he got it_

_Asked if you were okay, I said yeah_

_He asked about me?_

_Like, how? What kind of way?_

_Deep breaths Rey_

_In a normal way_

_Didn’t get anything from it_

_Ok_

_I still can’t believe you did that_

_You know what? I’m gonna rub all over Finn for this_

_Make him hang out with me next time you want a date_

_Enjoy my stink on your boyf, you dick_

_Rey_

_After all I’ve done for you?_

_You’d be in jail if not for me_

_Who rescued you in your hour of need?_

_Yeah, so Ben wouldn’t get freaked out! You weren’t supposed to just fucking tell him about it!_

_What does it matter? You’re not gonna see him again_

_Rey?_

_You know that, don’t you?_

_You can’t_

Rey tabbed out of the conversation, alerts coming in at the top of her screen, but she ignored them. She had to say _something_ to Ben. She couldn’t just… not. She couldn’t leave him like that. She took a deep breath, and moved his underwear off her face. It would be ridiculous to try to have this conversation with them on. She needed a clearer head than that and to be honest, she was afraid his words in real time and his smell might be too much.

She knew there were things she shouldn’t do. Poe warned her not to hear his voice, smell him, see his face. Well, she’d already smelled him. She shouldn’t push her luck any further than that.

_I just want to talk to you_

_It doesn’t have to be more than that_

_But I understand if you don’t want to_

_Hi Ben! :) Sorry for not replying earlier. Poe told you why lol. I’m better now._

_Rey_

_OMG_

_Hello_

_How do you feel?_

_Better_

_You said that_

_Sorry_

_Yep :)_

_Listen… I’m sorry it went weird for you_

_I didn’t know that would happen_

_It’s ok! Not your fault! :) Just a freak of nature!_

_Freak accident!_

_QUIRK of nature_

_Didn’t mean freak_

_Neither of us are freaks_

_It just happened_

_I’m sorry too_

_I don’t blame you_

_Well, hey, sorry you had to meet Poe, lol!_

_Oh yeah_

_I hope he was… ok with you?_

_He didn’t come onto me or try to fight me if that’s what you mean_

_Good :) Did he do anything else? You can tell me, I’ll take care of it_

_…_

_Should you be saying stuff like that in your condition?_

_Geez, I’m not pregnant_

_I told you I’m better now_

_But you’re right, sorry, guess that was a bit alpha, I’ll stop_

_No, it’s okay. I don’t mind._

_Ben… Do you want me to leave you alone?_

_Be honest_

_Do you?_

_Want that?_

_Poe said it would be bad for you_

_He was pretty convincing_

_Yeah he told me…_

_I don’t know_

_I don’t know how much of it is me anymore_

_I don’t know what’s safe_

_And I want to be safe for you_

_The worst thing for me would be to hurt you_

_Well_

_It doesn’t have to happen now_

_I guess_

_Yeah :)_

_Poe said I needed to be sure, the next time I saw you…_

_That I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you._

_Oh geez, he said that?_

_I’m sorry_

_That’s intense_

_You don’t agree?_

_…I don’t know._

_I don’t know what it’s going to be like to see you again_

_Right now I feel like shit tbh_

_Empty_

_It sucks._

_Rey_

_The truth is_

_Well, I’m older than you._

_I’m 32_

_Mating…_

_The truth is…_

_If I were to have a mate_

_It could be you_

_I mean_

_I don’t know if I can say it SHOULD be you_

_But I think I would like it_

_You_

_If you wanted that_

_I guess I never thought I would have a mate_

_Before_

_But things have changed for me recently and I’m trying to challenge the ideas I had about myself_

_This could be one of them_

_Maybe I can have a mate_

_I don’t know_

_Love_

_And family and stuff_

_I’m not very good at that_

_But I think you would be_

_Oh Ben_

_I don’t know_

_I wanted to_

_I really really wanted to_

_It was a lot_

_I don’t know if Poe is wrong when he says I would give up everything for you_

_And he would also point out, we don’t know anything about each other_

_Right_

_That’s true, lol_

_Well why don’t we start there?_

_What do you want to know?_

_Everything_

_I’m sorry for doing this over text but Poe says if I see you again…_

_And I think he’s probably right_

_It’s okay_

_Everything, huh?_

_Here goes… Hope you’re ready_

_My mom was a career politician, and an alpha. My dad was a beta and did a bit of everything but also kind of nothing. When he got my mom pregnant, he knew he was set for life after that so he just kind of coasted, but he was fun, when he was around._

_When I popped out as an omega, my mom was worried people would take advantage of me, manipulate me._

_She literally told me that. To my face. Many times._

_So, the suppressants._

_I was a good kid, I think. I always wanted to please everyone around me. Because of that, I ended up going to Harvard for Law, just like my mom. By the time I graduated, I knew I… had nothing for myself. I didn’t even know what I liked. I’d only ever done what I was supposed to do. And I didn’t want to anymore. But there’s only so much rebelling you can do when you’re fresh out of law school so I just applied to firms I knew my family would hate. I think I just wanted to shake things up, get different opinions, see the world outside of the bubble. My parents and my uncle were always super liberal, and I didn’t really travel or anything growing up. College was the first time I was experiencing stuff for myself, without my mom as a filter, and I think I realised just how much… she had controlled me._

_Out of love, but still._

_Wow, I’m really selling this, aren’t I? I swear I don’t have an Oedipus complex. I don’t want you as a replacement for my mom. I’m not attracted to female alphas because of her_

_It’s just unavoidable when you’re a male omega._

_And straight._

_Anyway._

_I ended up working at an evil law firm for an evil man for more money than I could ever spend. I think I wanted my family to argue with me, debate it, prove they were right or something. It was stupid and childish, but I wanted them to win me over, fight for me. They didn’t. They were just confused and disappointed. My uncle stopped talking to me. And without them, I ended up staying there._

_I’ve done some bad shit._

_My dad died four months ago._

_I don’t think he knew how to talk to me when I wasn’t a little boy doing plane rides._

_We didn’t have a bad relationship but we weren’t close._

_I wish it had been better._

_That regret made me look at the rest of my life._

_I decided to change the things I didn’t like._

_Like being an omega who’d never been with an alpha. I’d never gone off my suppressants before. I wanted a heat. I wanted to see what I really am. Feel it. Try not to hate it or fear it. Have faith that my mom was wrong and I could find someone who wouldn’t just use it to control me._

_I think you were the first thing I did for myself… maybe ever. Definitely the first risk I took since law school. The first new thing since I was a kid._

_I liked it._

_What we did together. What you did to me._

_You were so focused on me_

_And you smiled a lot_

_I liked that_

_Most people don’t smile at me. No one really looks at me, in fact_

_I might quit my job, live off my savings._

_I’m thinking about that. I don’t want to stay there. I hate it. I hate my boss._

_Unemployed. Hot, right?_

_Other than that? I don’t know. I eat meat and I haven’t voted since college, when I voted democrat. I don’t have friends, my last serious girlfriend was four years ago I think and she left me for a colleague but she was a gold-digger anyway and I don’t miss her. I don’t know if I’ve ever been in love. I’m an only child. I don’t smoke but I used to, not an alcoholic or a drug addict, and I’ve never been in a fight, but I have punched a few guys, and taken a few hits. No phobias, no siblings, no grandparents, not allergic to anything. My birthday is November 19 which I think makes me a Scorpio? But I don’t pay attention to that stuff. Don’t believe in God, don’t go to church, but I think it’s nice when people do believe, as long as they’re not assholes about it. I can be a snob sometimes, and a mess. Most of the time I don’t know what I’m doing._

_Like now._

_Is that everything?_

_Maybe that’s why Poe’s warning doesn’t scare me that much. What have I got to lose? I don’t want to live like this anymore. I want to change everything. I can go where you need me to, do whatever._

_If we went through with it, I mean._

_Not saying we will._

_Just_

_You know_

_If._

_Your turn?_

 Rey sniffed, and wiped a tear with the heel of her palm. He had been so honest with her. She had to do the same.

_Thank you for telling me all that._

_I’m sorry to hear about your dad._

_Social services picked me up from a fire station when I was four. I had an English accent back then. They never found my parents. I don’t know if they left me on purpose or what, I don’t remember anything about it. There was no security footage. Since fire stations count as surrender points, they figured it was deliberate, and put me in foster care. It was kind of bad. A lot of group homes more than, like, families._

_I was a rowdy kid, I guess? Maybe cuz I’m an alpha. I was always bouncing off the walls, bossing the other kids about, rough-housing. It didn’t go down very well. Hence, no families._

_No one ever touched me. They don’t, in foster care. They don’t want to get accused of anything, so no hugs, or anything like that, and the other kids? The only ones who weren’t afraid of me just wanted to fight me._

_Ummm when we were in bed together I kind of wanted you to hold me like that. Gently. You WERE gentle with me and I loved that but you’re so big and I guess… cuz I never got that from an adult, you know? No one bigger than me ever just… made me feel safe. Protected me. Looked after me. Not that you have to do that. I just felt like if anyone could, you could. Cuz you’re… you know. Nice. To me. But you probably don’t want that._

_But that’s what I’m saying. There’s this part of me that’s a bit of a baby I guess. Arrested development or something. Not very alpha of me, it’s probably not sexy. But if you want to do this with me, you should know that if you’re too nice I might cry. And sometimes I’m gonna want you to give me a hug. Like on my birthday or something. Which is the 10 th of April btw. You don’t have to but if we get together and you don’t hug me I don’t know if I’ll ever be hugged for the rest of my life. Finn and Rose are omegas so they don’t like it if it’s not their mate, and Poe just tries to crush me cuz we have to compete for everything._

_Maybe I need more beta friends lol_

_Anyway, I did well in school, got into college, doing a PhD now! Physics. Almost finished, less than a year probably? I’ve got some student loans, but it’s mostly been grants and scholarships for me, so it’s not too bad, comparatively. Like $20-30,000? You should probably know that if we’re gonna…_

_I always dreamed of working for NASA and going to space but that was just because, you know, I didn’t have a home on Earth. Might as well try up there right? Better me than other people with families and stuff._

_Which is why you shouldn’t worry too much about what Poe said. If I had you, or anyone really, I wouldn’t need to go up there. Do you get it? If I had a real home, I wouldn’t give it up for anything. I’d want to live it every day._

_Maybe that’s why I bonded to you the way I did, but I’ve never done it with anyone else. I didn’t just latch on to the first guy who came along. You’re special, but I don’t know why or what it means._

_I guess I should tell you how it felt, huh? So you know what you’re up against?_

_I think you’re the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen. The most precious. I can’t even describe it. When I was with you it was like… the biggest love. I don’t even know if I can call it love cuz, like we said, we don’t know anything about each other. And I don’t know if I can get that feeling back, or if I can stop it, or if I still feel that way really. Maybe it was a heat thing. Maybe that part of me is broken now. It felt like something was breaking when Poe had me. It felt like I’d rather he cut off my leg with a fucking rusty teaspoon or something, rather than hurt your feelings or put you at risk. It was extreme. I don’t know if you even could dump me while I felt like that. You’d have to get some back up to drag me away. I’d go nuts. Poe wasn’t kidding about that._

_That kinda scares me, the thought of what I could do to you if you didn’t love me anymore_

_Not that you do now_

_But in the future_

_If we did this._

_Oh hey, what’s your last name? Mine’s Jackson, after the Jackson Street Fire House._

_Solo_

_Seriously?_

_That’s… symbolic_

_I know_

_Could have been Skywalker though_

_Omfg are you serious? Ben Skywalker?_

_Rey_

_I would hold you_

_As much as you wanted_

_Every day._

_I’d hug you every day._

_And you can cry in front of me._

_I don’t care if you’re not all alpha, all the time_

_God knows I’m not exactly an alpha’s dream omega_

_Shut up_

_Sorry, I mean don’t talk about yourself that way_

_Sorry_

_I didn’t mean to say shut up_

_See, this is what I mean about thinking you’re perfect…_

_Inconvenient, huh?_

_But Ben…_

_About the hugging thing_

_You say that but…_

_You didn’t want to kiss me_

_When we were together_

_That was really hard for me_

_God_

_Rey_

_When you asked me that in the kitchen I just panicked_

_I didn’t know you, and the way you said it, it sounded like there were all these rules I didn’t know_

_I just said it to sound cool, I think?_

_Honestly, by the time we were both naked, I’d fucking forgotten about it_

_Or maybe_

_Maybe I wanted you to take it?_

_Or I wanted to see if you would?_

_Like, see if you really wouldn’t do it, just because I said no?_

_Is that messed up?_

_I’m sorry for trying to test you like that. God knows by the second day I was so delirious I wouldn’t have fucking remembered, or even noticed if you’d put your tongue in my mouth. It was already everywhere else._

_I should have just fucking kissed you_

_I would have liked it_

_No Ben_

_That’s important._

_That makes sense._

_You didn’t know me._

_Testing me was smart_

_And it makes me proud of myself that I passed, like I’m a good alpha_

_But yeah, I would have liked it too._

_Rey…_

_I don’t know what to do now_

_We can just chat? :) Like this?_

_In fact… You wanna know a secret?_

_Yes_

_When you were asleep, before I left, I took…_

_A t-shirt from your laundry hamper…_

_Poe cut it off me grr_

_Sorry about that_

_I can buy you a new one?_

_But I also took the boxers you were wearing_

_And um_

_I still have them_

_Right now_

_For smelling_

_Is that ok?_

_Omg Rey_

_…_

_Yes, it’s okay._

_Yay, thank you Ben! :)_

_Can I tell you a secret now?_

_Ofc_

_Is that “of course”?_

_Yeah_

_You left some stuff here._

_You left your shirt_

_And your_

_Your underwear_

_You know_

_That you put in my mouth_

_Guess you didn’t want to put them on again after that_

_Oh_

_Oops ;)_

_Sorry about that…_

_But why is that a secret?_

_Did you do something embarrassing to them?_

_…_

_Ben_

_Tell me_

_I want to know_

_Please_

_I might have_

_Can you tell me about it?_

_Well I wasn’t sure until today if I would ever hear from you again_

_And at first I was too tired_

_Sore_

_But after a couple of days they were still there_

_And they smelled so good_

_I didn’t mean to_

_I know it was bad_

_It’s not bad_

_Ben, it wasn’t bad_

_But you didn’t actually tell me what you did_

_You know…_

_No I don’t_

_Did you wash them?_

_No…_

_Did you throw them away?_

_No_

_What did you do Ben?_

_I used them_

_How?_

_To jerk off_

_Mmm_

_Ben_

_Can I_

_Are we_

_I wanna sext you_

_Please tell me if you’re not comfortable with that_

_And_

_Tell me if you don’t want me to be… you know_

_Controlling_

_It’s okay_

_It’s okay?_

_You can_

_I want to_

_Are you getting turned on?_

_I am_

_You’re turning me on, Ben_

_Can I call you baby?_

_I mean, can I call you “Baby”, not like call you on the phone. Poe says I can’t hear your voice for a while_

_Yes_

_Yes to what?_

_Yes, you can call me Baby_

_And yes, you’re turning me on_

_Where are you? Are you home? Do you have my panties there?_

_Do you want us to jerk off together with each other’s underwear?_

_Sniffing each other’s dirty underwear._

_Oh Rey_

_Hang on_

_Okay_

_I have them_

_I’m on my bed_

_I wish I could see you_

_I miss you baby_

_This is probably super dangerous but I don’t care_

_Just if I turn up at your apartment, you know, sorry in advance :p_

_If you turned up right now I don’t think I’d mind_

_Yeah?_

_Tell me_

_What would you do to me if you were here?_

_What do you wanna do to me baby?_

_Kiss you_

_Kiss your neck_

_Your pussy_

_Definitely_

_I want your slick in my mouth again_

_I can smell it on your fucking panties_

_Taste it_

_So good but it’s not wet like you’d be_

_Or hot like you either_

_I want you to sit on my face_

_Oh baby_

_Good_

_I would_

_I’d do it_

_I’d give you anything you want_

_Everything_

_I want that too_

_I want your nose up in my clit until you can’t breathe_

_You’re so hot_

_Thank you, Alpha_

_What would you do?_

_If you could?_

_Touch you_

_I just wanna touch your skin again_

_Your chest_

_Kiss you if you let me_

_I just wanna see you again_

_Have you again_

_Be with you_

_You want to see?_

_… Is that an offer?_

_It can be_

_Ok_

_Please_

_But we have to be safe_

_Not your face_

_Not because I don’t like it but because if I see it I might really come over there_

Rey chewed her thumb as she waited, her heart racing, nervous that she was fucking up, that she shouldn’t be doing this, but wanting him so damn much she couldn’t stop herself.

The picture Ben sent her was dark and blurry, and it took a moment before she figured out what she was looking at. Half his hand in the top of the frame, holding his shirt out of the way, exposing a few inches of stomach, enough to see a little muscle and the fuzzy trail under his navel leading into the nest of his pubes. His pants were pulled down a little, just enough to expose the root of his cock, too thick to be soft. Rey’s cunt clenched painfully and she felt it in her womb.

_Oh baby_

_Thank you_

_Thank you_

_I love it_

_You’re getting me so hot_

_I don’t know what to do_

_Do you want a pic of me?_

_Tell me what you want_

_Show me your cunt_

_Is it wet?_

_For me?_

_So wet_

_All for you_

_Always_

Rey hustled out of her pants, rushing to pull them off with her underwear so she was naked from the waist down. Her hands shook from the adrenaline as she spread her legs, lying back for the best angle, and snapped a photo, her fingers holding the lips of her pussy open to show him how her slick was leaking out of her. She barely looked at it before she sent it, hoping he liked it, desperate for his reaction.

_God_

_Alpha_

_Please_

_Tell me to touch myself_

_Please_

_I need to_

_Do it baby_

_Wait_

_Do you have any toys?_

_What?_

_Like sex toys?_

_Yeah_

_Like a cock ring or a vibrator or a plug or anything_

_Um_

_Why?_

_Baby..._

_Do you have one?_

_And you don’t want to tell me?_

_Alpha please your panties smell so good can’t I just…? I can’t wait_

_Don’t try to distract me I asked you a question_

_Are you embarrassed?_

_You can tell me_

_I don’t care what it is_

_Tell me, omega_

_I have a Fleshlight_

_Ok_

_Why didn’t you want to tell me?_

_It’s embarrassing_

_It’s not_

_If I was there I’d make you believe that_

_I’m glad you have it_

_Do you like using it? Or not?_

_I don’t use it very often_

_I prefer not to_

_Why?_

_More clean up_

_Seems unnecessary_

_And buying it was an admission I couldn’t get a woman to touch me_

_And I associate it with that_

_Loneliness_

_And feeling bad_

_But that’s not true anymore, right?_

_Cuz you have me_

_And I want you so much I’m twitching_

_And you deserve to feel a wet pussy on your big cock_

_I want this time to be special_

_Different from just your hand_

_I want to be there with you_

_That toy can be me_

_My influence_

_You understand?_

_Making you use it will be my presence there with you_

_Ok?_

_Do you want that?_

_Okay…_

_But what about you?_

_Do you have anything to be me?_

_Won’t your pussy be lonely with just your fingers?_

_I have things yeah_

_You wanna pick?_

_You won’t be jealous?_

_I won’t be jealous_

_It’ll be me, right? That’s what you said_

_You have to use the one I pick, that’s my presence with you_

_Ok baby <3_

Rey rolled to her nightstand drawer, digging in the plastic bag of toys she kept there. She had a few, and debated leaving out the ones that she didn’t put inside her, or the ones she didn’t like too much, but Ben had been honest with her so she wouldn’t deceive him. She spread them out on her bed and snapped a pic, sending it to him.

_Ben?_

_Sorry I’m heating the Fleshlight_

_And the lube_

_I hate it when it’s cold_

_Ofc, cuz I wouldn’t be cold on you baby I’d be so hot around your dick, you make me like that_

_Yeah, I remember…_

_I want you to use the black one_

_It’s big…_

_I know it’s big_

_I don’t really use it cuz it can hurt a little_

_But it won’t this time, right?_

_You’re so wet_

_I’ve seen it_

_And I’m going to make you so soft_

_It’s not like you’re unprepared_

_I want you to use it and send me a pic of it after, with every inch wet_

_…_

_This is a new side of you_

_Sorry_

_You’re right_

_It’s the suppressants_

_They turn off a lot of the omega stuff_

_Do you dislike it?_

_I don’t know if I can stop but I can try_

_I don’t dislike it_

_I could never dislike you baby_

_I think I like it_

_Because it’s you_

_I want to please you_

_But don’t push it :p_

_I’ll use the big black one like you said and make it all wet for you_

_Thank you alpha_

_Rey_

_Do you want me to say anything when you do stuff like that for me?_

_Like “Good girl”?_

_Omg_

_Ben_

_Yes?_

_No?_

_I just thought, because you said that stuff about not having adults in your life_

_Maybe you want that_

_Positive reinforcement_

_Wow_

_I’m sorry_

_That’s stupid_

_And rude_

_I just thought I’d offer because maybe_

_Just in case_

_Forget it_

_No_

_Um_

_I’m pretty sure I don’t have a daddy kink_

_I don’t want to call you that_

_But_

_I think_

_I want_

_What you said_

_Good girl_

_But I don’t know if I want to want it_

_So maybe save it_

_For the big things_

_Like, not when I agree to do it but when I’ve done it_

_And only hard stuff_

_And stuff that you’ve told me_

_We can try it_

_Do you want to call me that?_

_I won’t when I’m in heat_

_But now I kind of do, yeah_

_Because I like it when you do stuff for me_

_And I know it’s hard_

_And I know you’re trying_

_I see you trying_

_Sometimes_

_And I just think you should get the credit you deserve_

_Can we jerk off now before I start crying?_

_Sorry, yeah_

_It’s alright_

_Sweet of you :)_

_Thanks_

_Big black dildo here I come_

_How’s the Fleshlight?_

_Boiling on the outside, room temp on the inside_

_We’re good to go_

_Lol_

_Are you in bed?_

_Yeah_

_Me too_

_Wanna tell me what to do?_

_Or me tell you?_

_Have you ever done this before?_

_Sexting? Yeah. But it feels different with you_

_Why?_

_Cuz you’re you_

_The bond_

_Whatever_

_You’re my special omega prince baby_

_Hmm sexy_

_If that was sarcasm my alphaness is gonna get mean_

_Guess it wasn’t sarcasm then_

_Cheeky :/ You’ll regret that when I next see you_

_Right now I’m too horny to punish you_

_Rey_

_Tell me to lube this thing up and fuck myself with it_

_No no_

_Have you put the lube in?_

_Not yet_

_I was waiting_

_Good_

_Cuz you’re gonna lick that thing like it was me_

_Does it have a clit?_

_Er… kind of?_

_Then you’re gonna lick it, gently, just like you wanted to do to me_

_Just like that, understand?_

_Don’t half-ass it_

_And send me a pic when it’s properly wet_

_Rey…_

_Really?_

_Yes really_

_You’ve got my panties, you can’t pretend?_

_Just for a few minutes_

_…_

_Do it Ben_

_Lie on your back and close your eyes_

_…Yes Alpha_

_How does it feel?_

_Rubbery_

_I can’t do this and text_

_Cheeky_

_But fine_

Rey waited, watching her phone screen go dark and waking it up again, her free hand tracing her pussy lightly, her fingertips getting wet. The dildo lay beside her. Maybe she should use this time to work up to it, stretch herself with her fingers, but she didn’t because… Ben hadn’t told her to. And she got the feeling he would want to. Instead she imagined him lying naked on his bed, tongue flicking at the fake pussy for no reason other than that she had told him to. 

After a few minutes, a picture came in. Ben’s hand, just as she remembered it, the tendons and bones sharp as it wrapped around the casing topped off with a fake pink pussy like an obscene frapuccino. In the low light, she could just make out the glint of his spit on the slit.

_Good?_

_Yes_

_How was it?_

_Didn’t feel like you_

_Or taste like you_

_But… I liked how frustrated it made me_

_It reminded me of you_

_And how it should be_

_Do your fingers fit inside?_

_Yes_

_Put two in_

_How does it feel?_

_Dry_

_Put the lube in then_

_Spread it_

_Finger fuck it_

_I want wet noises_

_I bet it looks good_

_Your big fingers opening that little pussy up_

_That’s how you would touch me, isn’t it?_

_You’d lick me softly_

_You’re always like that_

_And you’d be so gentle with me_

_But I’d be so wet I couldn’t help but make noises_

_I AM so wet_

_God, I want you to open me up_

_Yes_

_You need that don’t you_

_Because pretty soon that big cock is going to be fucking you_

_And you’re so small_

_But you’re going to do it for me aren’t you?_

_Yeah_

_Should I touch myself?_

_Stretch myself?_

_Yes_

_Do it while I finger this thing_

_And think of me_

_I’m always thinking of you_

_Wow texting one handed is hard_

_I’m so ready it’s like… hard not to come_

_I wanna make myself come_

_Ben?_

_Should I?_

_No_

_You’re going to come on that dick_

_How many fingers have you got in?_

_Touch your clit_

_Two_

_Three_

_My clit is so sensitive I might come_

_DON’T come_

_Touch it and don’t come_

_You’re not allowed_

_Urgh Ben_

_Please, it’s hard_

_You’re at least touching yourself._

_You get to play with a real pussy, I just have this_

_Let’s move on_

_Let’s_

_You first_

_And tell me how it feels_

_Fit the pussy to your cock and slide it down slowly_

_Then take your hands off and text me lol_

_Ok_

_It’s good_

_Good?_

_You gotta do better than that, I’m dying over here_

_Excuse me but my blood is mostly not in my brain right now_

_I didn’t know I’d be expected to write the great American novel_

_With a Fleshlight on my dick_

_It’s not as good as yours_

_But it’s wet_

_Kinda heavy_

_There’s pressure_

_Cuz I’m not holding it_

_My dick wants to know why nothing’s moving_

_I wish it was you_

_Me too_

_Is it my turn?_

_You want me to put it in?_

_Yes_

_Then YOU tell ME how it feels_

_Cheeky_

_And so bossy! Damn!_

_But I’m doing it_

_Hang on_

Rey put her phone down and picked up the rubber cock, her fingers not closing around it. She looked at it with trepidation. She’d never got very far with it before, but she usually wasn’t this turned on when she started trying. Ben was right. Everything between her legs felt soft and wet and hungry, her insides aching, and she’d felt her slick trickling down to the bed. Her hands were shaking as she fit the head of the beast to her entrance and pushed. It didn’t hurt as much as it usually did, though she winced as it stretched her. A sharper pain came when it pushed against her pelvic bone, the angle all wrong, and she had to stop.

Breathing heavily, she refused to be defeated. Ben wanted her to do this. He had followed her instructions. She had to treat this cock as she would Ben’s. She just needed a different angle.

She got onto her knees, holding the cock under her and trying again. The head slid in, and when the pain would come, she was able to shift enough to keep going, forcing the dildo inside her, filling all her empty spaces. Her cunt spasmed and clenched around it, and she grunted. She stopped to text Ben.

_It’s half in_

_It’s so big_

_Feels so good_

_Wish it was you_

_Good_

_Me too_

_But I didn’t ask for half_

When Rey read that her jaw dropped in indignation. Who did he think was in charge here? But… It was sexy. There was something inside her that wanted to _prove_ how good she was, how strong, how much she could take, and how much he could trust her. She wouldn’t let him down. She wanted to please him, she wanted to make him smile, she wanted him to pat her head and chuck her under the chin and say _Good girl_ …

_Are you trying to break my pussy or something?_

_For revenge?_

_Cuz you can’t have it?_

_I still want it, Ben, I have plans for it!_

_It’s not going to break._

_I love your pussy_

_I would neeeeever hurt it_

_And I have plans too_

_I’m going to get back in there one day_

_Now fuck that cock and tell me to fuck this pussy_

_If you want this thing in me you’re gonna have to wait_

Rey huffed and bore down on the dildo, trying to find more room for it inside her. If only she was in rut, this would be a breeze. If only she’d been fucking Ben for the last week, maybe she’d be used to it. She checked how much was left and groaned. She remembered his boxers and reached for them, fumbling them to her nose and breathing deep. As her eyes rolled back in her head, her cunt relaxed, flooding with another wave of slick, and she sunk down, the dildo swallowed inside her, her hole twitching around the base.

She blinked as if coming out of a trance and texted Ben.

_It’s in_

_All 72 miles of it_

_Haha_

_Well done_

_Are we good to go now? I’ve been hard for like an hour_

_Wah Wah_

_But yes_

_You may now fuck yourself with my best wishes_

_Mmm good_

_And you better be fucking that cock_

Rey grunted again and pulled up, one hand keeping hold of the dildo to pull it out. She felt the sucking vacuum it left in her, the sparks flaring as it moved and nudged the different parts of her cunt. This was going to get messy. She held Ben’s boxers to her face with her other hand and for a few thrusts she just closed her eyes and imagined it was him, that he was really that big inside her, fucking her so slowly and carefully, so determined not to hurt her but undeterred. She almost whimpered. God, it was good.

When she next opened her eyes to check her phone, she almost forgot it wasn’t Ben fucking her.

_Rey_

_Your pussy feels so good_

_Sucking me_

_This was a great idea_

_Ahhh your cock feels so good I can’t take it I’m gonna come_

_Are you using my underwear? I’m using yours_

_Smells so good_

_You smell so good_

_Makes me wet_

_I’ve never fucked this thing before but I can do it cuz it’s you_

_Proud of me?_

_I know, sweetheart_

_I’m so proud of you_

_I’m so IMPRESSED_

Rey did whimper that time, her cunt seizing hard. For a man who had never been with an alpha before her, he sure knew what to say.

_Ben it’s hard to do this and text, can I call you?_

_Please_

_You don’t have to say anything_

_You can just listen to me come all over your cock_

_Okay_

Rey almost dropped her phone as she fumbled to call him, putting it on speaker beside her as it rang. The dial tone cut out.

“Ben?” she breathed.

A noise, half-way between a grunt and a hum.

Rey moaned, her cunt heating just knowing she was connected to him. He was _there_.

“Oh, Ben… Can you hear it? Your cock inside me?” She moved the phone between her legs so he could hear the squelch of the dildo shoving inside her and sucking out.

A shaky moan out of the phone, surprisingly loud. “ _Fuck_ , Rey, I’m gonna come.”

His voice was a shock now, after so long, deep and rough with sex. She groaned, her pussy fluttering, looking for him. It was dangerous, she knew, but she also didn’t care.

“Let me listen, please, Ben, put the phone where I can hear it.”

Slowly, a distant wet squishing sound came from the phone, the rhythm fast and frantic, accompanied by another moan, quieter than before as it was further away. She held the dildo inside her still with one hand and rode faster, trying to match his pace. It was so much, stretching her and hitting her where she was most sensitive every thrust. She pictured him on his back, thick cock spearing the fake pussy, hips jumping as he chased his climax.

“Fuck me, Ben, fuck me,” she whined, her orgasm just out of reach.

A knock at her door made her gasp, stiffening in panic.

“Rey…?” Finn called “Are you doing what I think you’re doing? Do I need to call Poe?”

“ _Fuck off, Finn!_ I’m naked!” she shrieked. Her alpha side did not want to be interrupted at this crucial moment. She realised she hadn’t been as quiet as she should be, but she would not be held responsible for her actions if he walked in.

“You shouldn’t be doing that!” he called through to her, sounding conflicted.

“We’ll talk later!” she yelled. She would be embarrassed then, not now.

When there was no reply, she assumed he’d gone.

After a moment, Ben said, his tone flat, “Was that your roommate?”

“Yeah,” Rey said, trying to catch back up to where she’d been.

“…He’s an omega, right?”

Rey heard the uncertainty, the insecurity, in his voice. “Yeah but he’s with Poe.”

“Is that the only thing stopping you?”

Would Rey have fucked Finn before? Before she met Ben and before he was with Poe? Yeah. She’d often thought it would be the most convenient thing for both of them. They lived together, they knew they liked each other, but Finn had never wanted to and that was that. They were just best friends and now she’d met Ben.

“No, I only want you.”

“Hm.”

“Ben, I don’t want Finn, I want you.”

“But he can smell you, can’t he? He must be able to, you’re so wet. He can smell _my_ alpha, because _I_ turned you on, but I’m not _there_ -”

“Shh, baby, shh… I’m doing this with you, not him. Don’t worry about him. _You_ turned me on, just like you said. This is all for you. He only came over because you made me moan so loud, you made me forget where I was.”

“And when we’re finished you’re going to talk to him. You’re going to hang out with him and not with me. He’s going to have you and I’m not.”

“Baby… You know why I can’t see you. It’s to keep you safe. I want to. Please don’t be jealous, not now.” She stroked the dildo in and out of her almost leisurely, unsure if the mood was gone completely or if it could be salvaged and they were going to finish.

“Because you want to come.”

“Yes, I want to come, I want you to make me come. Don’t you want that?”

Silence

“Ben?” She stopped moving the dildo, taking her hand away. “Ben, please.” She dug inside her for the strength she needed, her alpha making her put his needs first. “We can stop if you want to…” she whispered, distraught.

It took a moment, but eventually he said “No… I want to come too.”

A smile of relief flitted to her face. “Good. Come inside me, Ben. Don’t you want Finn to hear how well you fuck me? So well I’d never want anyone else?” He groaned and she knew she was on the right track. “You fill me up so tight, ugh, I could come. If you were here I know you’d make me scream.”

“Yeah,” he grunted. “Make you scream my name.”

“Yeah!” she agreed, moving the dildo fast again, listening to the Fleshlight getting fucked over the phone. “Ben…” she moaned for him. “You’re the… only… one…”

“Rey!” She heard his breath hitch, and then his groan when he came, suddenly throwing her back to his heat and making her cunt seize on the rubber cock, locking her there as she imploded, her spasming abs throwing her down onto her arms. She felt the base of the cock in her roll and twitch between her legs as her body wrung it out.

She collapsed onto her side, shivering with aftershocks. She reached for her phone and took Ben off speaker, then held it to her ear, just to listen to him catch his breath.

“Did you come?” she whispered, knowing the answer but wanting to hear him say it.

“Yeah,” he murmured back, sounding drained.

“You filled that pussy for me, didn’t you?”

“Yeah, alpha, I filled you up. Now it’s dripping on me, ew.”

Rey laughed.

“Where’s my picture? I believe I had one coming to me?” His voice was so lush after he came, deep and slow, like a pillow she could just sink into.

“I can’t take it out until I relax a bit.”

He hesitated. “Rey, you didn’t knot that thing, did you?”

“No! Of course not. That’s just for you, baby. It’s just huge and I’m sensitive. I’ll get bored of it in a minute and want it out but just at the moment I can’t be bothered.” As she spoke, she could feel her slick cooling and starting to feel dirty rather than sexy as her hormones levelled out. “You fucked me so good, baby,” she said, wanting to heap praise on him and make him feel good since she couldn’t be there in person to make sure he was okay after what they had just done.

“Mmm, thank you, alpha.”

Her tired pussy twinged and she smiled. She could never get enough of him. As the seconds passed, the dildo was making her feel less satisfied and more stretched in an uncomfortable way, so she reached down and, making a face, pulled it out. It was heavy and fell onto the bed, getting her hand and sheets wet, with strings of her slick stretching back between her legs. Clean up was just gross once she was fulfilled. She stood the dildo up on her nightstand on its base and turned on the lamp.

“Did you just take it out?” Ben asked.

“Yeah, how did you know?”

“Your breathing changed.”

She smiled. He was listening to her too. “Well I can take your photo now. I might need to hang up though.”

“Okay.” He sounded like he was on his way to falling asleep.

“Ben… Thank you for doing that with me, and for being so understanding about… what happened to me.”

“No problem. How do you feel now?”

“Uh…” Rey looked inside herself. How _did_ she feel about him? Would she shimmy through a woodchipper if it was her only route to him? No, but she longed for him with a physical ache. “I think it’s normal levels of being separated, you know? I don’t enjoy it, but I’m not going to hunt you down.”

“Hmm, shame,” he teased.

“Don’t joke.”

“Sorry.”

Rey sighed heavily, ruffling her hair. “I have to go talk to Finn, make sure Poe’s not going to bust in here with a straitjacket.”

Ben made a noise that was almost a growl.

Rey laughed. “Ben!”

“I don’t find it funny,” he complained petulantly.

Rey didn’t know what to say. She couldn’t promise to run to his side and move in with him when she knew that would be throwing herself back into her bond with abandon. “What are we going to do?” she said eventually.

He sighed. “I don’t know. We’ll figure it out.”

“Yeah. Well, you want your photo.”

“Yeah, and you have another omega waiting for you.”

“Ben… Really, don’t be jealous of him. What can I do to convince you?”

“I don’t know.” His tone suggested it was more like he wasn’t telling her.

She considered fighting him, but she wasn’t sure she had the energy after what they had just done with her impending fight with Finn on top. “Okay, well, I’ll be in touch, I’ll text you.”

“Yeah. Bye, Rey.”

“Bye, baby.”

She hung up and snapped the pic he wanted, the big black dildo shining in the light and dripping on the wood. Rey put her phone down without waiting for a response and picked the toy up with a face, taking it with her to the bathroom to clean them both up. 

She knew Finn was waiting for her, but he could fucking keep waiting. She was not in the mood. She didn’t feel bad about what she’d done, and she didn’t want to be berated or guilted for it. What she and Ben did felt more important than that, sacred almost. Only when she’d showered and tied her hair back and cleaned up after herself, did she feel ready. She checked her phone again, knowing it might be a while before she got another chance, and saw a text from Ben that made her smile, her heart instantly lightening.

_Good girl._


	7. Chapter 7

They kept texting for the next two weeks. They didn’t get off together again, but sex was always on the edge of their conversations. Rey just couldn’t help it. But she knew she had to try to do this right. She’d promised Poe and Finn that she would let them know before she saw him again – she wouldn’t promise not to see him again. So she was trying, and she thought Ben was too, to explore their relationship outside of sex, to see if it worked.

So they talked about their day. Rey went back to campus, picking up where she left off with her PhD work. Ben was miserable at work, but Rey didn’t tell him to quit. As much as she wanted to save him, it wasn’t her decision to make, and she thought it was a good sign that she could hold back like that.

The only thing she pressed him for were photos, because she wasn’t a goddamn saint. She had a habit and she wanted to feed it, and seeing his face was a big part of that. She told him that what the photo was of was entirely up to him, it didn’t have to be his face, or his dick, but she slowly built him up to at least one a day. At first, he was shy. He sent her a photo of his hand carrying his morning coffee on his way to work, his tie lying against his shirt, his shoes. She knew he was testing her, waiting for her to snap and demand more, but she just thanked him for every one and told him how beautiful he was, and eventually he sent her a picture of his face every night right before he went to bed, dimly lit and soft. Her heart ached. She waited for him to ask for photos of her but he didn’t.

When they hadn’t crashed and burned after two weeks, they agreed that it might be worth stepping it up a little. They both still wanted this relationship. Poe had convinced Rey that it would be bad to meet in person alone, and when she announced that she and Ben wanted to see each other again, Poe insisted that he and Finn come along. Rey saw the wisdom in having other people there, because she still didn’t trust herself around Ben entirely. She didn’t want to hurt him, but she could imagine herself maybe not listening exactly to what he wanted if it conflicted with what she wanted. She wasn’t excited to have _Poe_ there, another alpha, another alpha who had _met_ Ben before _alone_ , and she knew that while Ben pretended not to be, he was still jealous of Finn, so this dinner was already shaping up to be difficult. When Rose found out, she refused to be left out, wanting to meet Ben for herself after all the fuss, and she attached herself as the fifth wheel.

They agreed to meet at the local Chilli’s. Ben had never been. Rey and the others had been a few times for cheap margaritas on special occasions. It was a strategic choice because it had its own parking, it was loud, and the staff were used to a little craziness. If Rey ended up sitting in Ben’s lap, they wouldn’t get kicked out.

She didn’t like the way Poe had planned this like some kind of military operation. He’d instructed Finn to be the human shield, because while Rey would fight Poe, another alpha, she wouldn’t hurt Finn, an omega. Rose was allowed to be back-up if necessary, but only if Finn was already involved. It had an annoying “Let the men handle it” vibe that Rey disagreed with, but she wasn’t going to argue because, frankly, if Rose hesitated that could create a window for Rey. Presuming she went mad at the sight of Ben, of course.

She didn’t know that she would, but she didn’t know that she wouldn’t either.

She was ordered not to touch Ben. Poe declared that they’d sit with Finn beside Ben, and Poe opposite him, eliminating any opportunity for Rey to sneakily hold his hand or play footsie with him. This made Rey want to bite Poe, but she kept it in. She agreed because she didn’t want to hurt Ben and Poe sounded so sure, but… if she snapped she snapped. She wasn’t going to let Poe stop her if Ben wanted her to touch him.

They arrived at the restaurant first. This was also part of Poe’s plan. He wanted Rey seated and boxed in before Ben got there. Rey didn’t like it, but there was no point in fighting and giving up her element of surprise before Ben got there. The hostess showed them to a round booth that circled the table, and they took their seats, Poe on the end, then Rey, then Rose, then Finn, then an empty seat for Ben. A waitress introduced herself and poured them all water and handed out menus, but Rey’s eyes were on the door, or on her phone which was gripped in her hand. Her leg bounced under the table. She was practically vibrating with excitement.

The others read their menus and talked about what they wanted. Rey didn’t care, she ignored them all. Ten minutes later, three minutes before the hour when they had agreed to meet, Ben walked in. She saw him look around, spot her, and start towards them. He was so big, and dark in his black suit. He looked nervous, maybe, but a small smile played around his lips as he held her eyes, and he pulled his hands out of his pockets. She thought he was walking a little faster than necessary.

Rey stood. Poe clapped a hand to her shoulder and pulled her back down to her seat. She snarled at him briefly then ducked under the table, escaping into the aisle, not caring if she stood on their feet.

“Rey! No!” Poe barked, swiping for her, but she dodged and hurried towards Ben.

He’d raised his eyebrows at the scene, but when Rey threw herself against him, he caught her. She threaded her arms under his jacket around his ribs, and he squeezed her shoulders. She took a deep breath and rubbed her cheek against his sternum. It was different from when he’d been in heat; he was dressed and upright, but still good. His scent wasn’t begging her, but it picked up in greeting.

“Hi,” she said, grinning.

“Hi,” he replied with a chuckle. She might think she was embarrassing herself if he wasn’t holding her so tight.

“You smell good,” she almost moaned, turning her face into him to take a big sniff.

“Really? I’m on suppressants.”

“It’s not about that.” She stepped into him, pressing their bodies together closer down to the floor. He couldn’t escape her.

He felt so good in her arms, so _right_ , like she was completer now, and a tension or an ache had eased. A calmness rushed through her like finally climbing into bed at the end of a long day. She logged the bumps and swells of him that she could feel: his pecs, his belt buckle, his hip, his cock, his thigh. And the way his arms pulled his shoulders around her, sheltering her… Yes, she could sleep here. His skin burned hot through the cotton of his shirt and she could almost purr.

Their height difference was more pronounced now they were both standing. How funny, that she’d forgotten about it, because they had spent most of their time lying down. But he didn’t make her feel small. Instead, there really was just that much more of him to love. She could feed and not consume him. She could be as hungry and demanding as she wanted, and he might not even notice.

Poe’s voice came from behind her. “Sorry, she got away from me.”

Some sixth sense told her he was reaching to pull her off Ben, and she caught his hand between her teeth, fixing him with her eyes.

“Don’t bite me in a fucking Chilli’s, princess,” Poe said.

She wasn’t biting hard, just enough that he could feel her teeth, but she could tell from the rigidity of his body that he didn’t appreciate the challenge. She squeezed Ben, firming her hold. “Don’t touch my boyfriend,” she tried to say, though it came out muffled and unintelligible.

“Let. Go,” he enunciated carefully, leaning into her face. “Me _and_ him.”

Rey scowled.

Poe looked to Ben instead. “You sure you want her?”

Rey spat his hand out, pressing her face against Ben’s chest in a hurry. “I’ll be good.”

Ben stroked a big hand from her hair down her back. “Yeah, I’m sure.”

Rey hid her grin against him, feeling like she could burst from happiness.

He ran his hand over her again. “Let’s go sit down,” he murmured with his lips against her hair. When _he_ said it, she could let go easily, though she kept one arm around him and he kept his around her shoulders. Poe rolled his eyes and they followed him back to the table.

Rey looked at Finn. “I’m sitting there,” she said. Finn glanced at Poe, but sighed and he and Rose shuffled around.

“That didn’t last long,” he muttered. “Can I at least sit next to my boyfriend now?”

Rose huffed at being moved back and forth, but they managed to wiggle past each other so that Rose was back in the middle between Rey and Finn.

Poe sitting across from Ben was pinging Rey’s threat radar, so she crawled over Ben’s lap to sit on the outside, budging him along one. Now the omegas were on the inside, bookended by the alphas on the outside, like a safe little horseshoe.

“Oh now this is satisfying,” she said, grinning around the table and rubbing her chest where she felt all fluffy and sated. Her ducks were in a row, her friends all together and protected. “Isn’t it, Poe?” She kicked him under the table. He had to feel it too, but he just grunted, bent out of shape now his plan had fallen apart. Rey couldn’t find it in her to care.

“Hi, I’m Rose,” Rose introduced herself to Ben, holding out her hand for a shake.

“Ben,” he said, offering a smile and shaking her hand. He wasn’t grinning like Rey was, but he was happy, she could tell, and when his hand was free again she took it and laced their fingers together under the table.

“I wasn’t invited to any of the drama, so don’t worry.”

“Drama?”

“You know, when Rey went all coo-coo for coco puffs?”

“Ah, yes.”

“You must be amazing in the sack.”

Ben laughed, and his thumb ran over Rey’s knuckles. “I don’t think I did anything special.”

Rose glanced at Rey and broke up laughing. “Rey, your face!”

“What?” Rey hastily pressed her hand to her cheek, trying to rein in her expression.

“You look like you just found a diamond dildo!” Rose sighed and put her elbow on the table, resting her face in her palm. “I wonder if I’ll ever get an alpha to look at me like that.”

“You don’t want them to,” Poe warned.

“Oh, lighten up! They’re only holding hands, she hasn’t torn his clothes off and mounted him on the floor. Since when are you the sensible moderate one anyway, Poe?”

Finn took his hand. “Maybe we should talk about something else.”

“Nuh-uh, if I have to chaperone this double-date, I’m going to make it as awkward as I possibly can. That’s why you love me, for my no-nonsense honesty and my ability to cut to the heart of the matter.” She turned back to Ben. “So Ben, are you, like, rich? You look rich. And you’re older than Rey, huh?”

“Rose,” Rey warned her softly.

“It’s okay. You know, Rose, I work with a lot of alphas. I can introduce you.”

“What?” Rey snapped.

“Ooh…” Rose cooed, hooked.

“Who?” Rey demanded.

“Do you have pics?” Rose asked, leaning closer. “Are they rich too?”

“Ben, you didn’t tell me that.” Rey tugged his hand.

He gave her a mischievous glance, then pulled out his phone to entertain Rose with pictures of his colleagues. Rey’s jaw dropped, affronted both at being ignored and at being so easily played. She crossed her arms and pouted. She’d get him for this. She’d _make_ him tell her about the alphas he apparently worked with. She’d tie him up and make him recite his entire sexual history.

Poe watched her across the table. “It begins,” he intoned solemnly.

The rest of the dinner continued the theme of jealousy pinging back and forth. Ben put his hand on Rey’s thigh and drew circles on the sensitive inside when she spoke to Finn, scowling when she paid him too much attention in order to annoy Poe as revenge for telling her what to do. Rey butted her head against Ben’s shoulder if he went too long without looking at her. Rose cleaned up, easily extorting the rest of the table for more fries. Rey tried to put food on Ben’s plate, and got into a staring contest with him when he wouldn’t accept it, and put some of his order on her plate to balance it out. She and Poe got into half a dozen petty competitions as they always did, which Finn had become adept at shutting down quickly, except when Ben declared that actually he _was_ interested in knowing who could eat the most ice cubes, in a tone of voice that suggested he knew exactly what he was doing. Rey was not going to lose no matter what, but eventually Rose got her and Poe arguing over what constituted an ice cube anyway, and saved them.

When the bill came, Rey insisted on paying for Ben’s drinks at least, and they had another staring contest about that, but in the end he submitted, dropping his eyes with a small smile that made Rey want to crow with accomplishment.

They definitely ended the dinner on better terms than they started it, and Rey was satisfied on a deep animal level that her mate had been accepted by the rest of her pack. They stood in the parking lot, and Rey didn’t want it to end. Rose hovered by Poe and Finn, since Poe had driven them there. Rey knew she should join that side, but she couldn’t let go of Ben’s hand. They looked at her expectantly.

“Urgh, come on,” she said, pulling him away to the corner of the building.

“Rey!” Poe called after her.

“Just give me a minute!”

He muttered something she didn’t quite catch, because she’d turned the corner out of sight and shoved Ben against the wall, fisted his hair in her hand and slammed their lips together. He made a small noise of surprise and softened into the kiss. He slid a little down the wall, his legs going wide as she stood between them.

Rey moaned at her first taste of him, his lips so soft and perfect and abundant. Ripe for her, swollen and ready for her to pick. His hands landed on her hips and she swiped her tongue into his mouth, and he licked it obediently, making her pussy clench.

She knew she had to let him go eventually. When she did, she was panting. “Sorry, I just- I had to, I couldn’t let that be it.”

Ben nodded, licking her off his lips, his face a mix of shadows and glimmers from the restaurant’s windows.

She groaned. “You’re so pretty, want you so much,” she almost growled as she moved back in for another kiss, and it was true, she did, her skin burning under her clothes for his touch. She wanted him to put his hands under her shirt, touch her breasts in that gentle reverent way of his, and fuck her in this parking lot on the gravel and broken glass, she didn’t care. She pushed her hands under his jacket, measuring again the round swell of his shoulders, the plane of his chest.

Someone cleared their throat to her right. It wasn’t Ben so she didn’t care.

“Rey, come on.”

She opened her eyes and glanced at the intruder without taking her mouth from Ben’s. It was Finn, looking uncomfortable and put out. He must have been sent as the safe option.

She lifted her mouth from Ben’s just enough to tell him to fuck off.

“Yeah, fuck off,” Ben agreed, his hair disturbed and his voice a little breathy.

Finn scowled and folded his arms. Rose came around the corner and leaned against him. “Should I get popcorn for this?”

Rey hesitated, then sighed, the mood gone. There wasn’t a single part of her that wanted to do this in front of an audience. She stepped back from Ben, letting him straighten himself out.

“Sorryyyy, got a little carried away,” she said in a sing-song, forcing a smile that didn’t really sell it. She kept a hand on Ben’s chest.

“You could come back to mine,” he offered quietly, as if it was only for her, though she knew the others would have heard it.

Visions of what she could do to him forced a grunt from her, then she sighed. She met his eyes. “I don’t think I could leave again. Next time has to be for real.”

He covered her hand with his own, pressing it to his chest as he looked down at her. “I don’t mind.”

Rey stared at him with the distinct feeling of sliding downhill, like a landslide, no solid ground to hold onto. She knew she should resist, she knew she had planned to, she knew past and possibly future Rey wanted her to, but she literally couldn’t. Her omega wanted her, wanted her in his nest, and she couldn’t, literally _couldn’t_ say no.

“Okay.”

“Ooh, Poe’s not gonna like that,” Rose said.

“Distract him,” Rey said, pushing Ben towards his car. They didn’t exactly run, but they hustled, and Ben peeled out with a spray of gravel. Rey just grinned, her hand on Ben’s thigh.

They were already kissing as Ben let them into his apartment, stripping each other of jackets as she kicked the door closed behind them and Ben dropped his keys on the floor.

“Are you sure this is what you want?” Rey mumbled against his lips as they kicked off their shoes, stumbling toward his bedroom.

Ben hummed against her mouth and nodded, cupping her cheeks for a moment to hold her still.

She dropped her hand to squeeze his cock through his slacks and he whimpered. “We’re fucking this up, you’re gonna regret this,” she breathed.

He swallowed and shook his head. “No.” He whisked her T-shirt over her head and bent to kiss her neck. She moaned and tipped her head back for him, his lips faint and gentle and searching, making her blood boil as she worked on his buttons.

They reached his bedroom and he pushed his hand into her jeans, his fingers slipping through her gathered slick, nudging her clit with the faintest tease and rubbing against her entrance. She shoved him away and he fell onto the bed, caught at the knees. He looked up at her from his elbows, anticipation plain on his face.

“Strip,” she gasped, trying to catch her breath and regain some control of herself and the situation. “If you want me. And let me watch you, omega.”

Her voice made it clear what kind of mood she was in, and she watched him hesitate. He wasn’t in heat now, maybe he wouldn’t like it, but she had to know. If he didn’t want this, if he couldn’t handle this side of her, she had to stop and go home.

But he stood up and worked his tie loose.

She bent as a cramp of arousal sent a flood of slick into her underwear, and she held herself up on the foot of his bed. “Good. So good, Ben.” She watched his nose flare and his mouth open. He’d caught her scent. He removed his tie first, then his shirt, his pants, big hands working his belt and fly in a way that made her mouth parch, then dropping them and finally stepping out of his underwear. He was hard, cock straining.

He was just as she remembered him, and her own jeans felt unbearable as she looked at him.

“Can I tie you up?”

His dick twitched, she noticed, and he took a deep breath. “How?” he said, his voice careful.

“Hands over your head. Feet… apart. I think you’d look _so beautiful_ like that.” She did, the image was enough to almost send her to her knees, but she’d accept it if now wasn’t the time.

But he dropped his eyes and nodded, sitting on the bed then lying down in the middle, getting comfortable, almost filling the double bed.

Rey wordlessly retrieved his tie from the floor then slowly climbed over him, straddling his stomach. She took his wrists, thick and heavy and hard, feeling the hair on his arms, and raised them over his head. She paused, and he obediently left them where they were as she reached behind her and unhooked her bra, throwing it on the floor. Now when she leant over him to tie his wrists, her breasts swung just above his eyes, shivering with her movements. His lips popped open, flushed, and he stared, but he made no move to touch.

She tied the tie to one wrist, then found a strut to thread it around and tied the other end in a simple knot to his other wrist. When she was done she held his face and kissed him softly. “You’ll be able to get out of that in no time if you have to,” she whispered, holding his eyes, and he nodded. They didn’t have a safeword, she considered _no_ or _stop_ his safewords for now, and she didn’t want to put him in a Gerald’s Game situation. He could easily reach one wrist with the other hand and pick the basic knot apart.

Then she got off him and went looking for something to tie his ankles with. She walked slowly, letting him watch her touch his things in her jeans and nothing else.

“What else shall I use to tie you up?” she asked him.

“My- My ties are in that drawer.”

“Hmm.” She looked at where he nodded, guessing the top drawer of his dresser, but she didn’t go straight there.

“Are you hiding anything in here, Ben?” she teased.

“What?”

“You know… Porn, stuff like that. Where’s that Fleshlight? Where do you keep your _stash_? Your lubes and condoms?”

As she walked around, she picked things up and put them down, random things, like a tub of hair product, a small bronze plaque that recognised him for an award of some kind several years ago. The objective was to make him wait, and make him squirm as she poked and poked at his privacy. They were going to be mates after all. He had to learn she wouldn’t let him keep anything from her. She wanted his shameful, gross, stupid, illogical sins just as much as she wanted his good parts, maybe even more. She wanted the things he didn’t share with anybody, the things he’d almost rather die than let someone else know about, because then she could love him anyway and he would know, he would _know_ what a good alpha she was and how much she wanted him and adored him and owned him.  

She found his underwear drawer and rooted around, aware of him twitching on the bed. She fished out a pair of black briefs and held them to her nose, turning so he could watch her take a deep inhale. It was mostly detergent on them, but under that she could smell his skin clinging to the fibres, his cock and sweat.

She put them back in the drawer and closed it. “Well?”

“I-” He glanced at his nightstand and she made a noise to let him know she understood. She took a detour to his laundry hamper, flipping back the lid and pulling out a T-shirt to press to her face instead. She groaned, throwing out a hand to catch herself on the rim of the hamper. The shirt was stewed in the pickled scents of the hamper, scents from every part of his body that swarmed like a miasma. The shirt itself was relatively clean, he’d probably only worn it for a day, but she picked out his detergent, his sweat, his deodorant. Him.

“Rey, come here,” he cajoled her softly from the bed, as if trying to tempt her away from something that was bad for her.

She threw the shirt back in the hamper and ran her hands through her hair, trying to focus. “Right, right.” She forced a smile to her face and went to get a couple of ties from his drawer. She tossed them down next to him, then went to rummage in his nightstand. The top drawer held a box of condoms and the lube she had bought for his heat which rolled around as the drawer opened. Twice the size beside it was the Fleshlight, bold and incriminating. She grinned as she pulled it out, looking at him as she stuck her nose to it.

God. Her eyes practically rolled back in her head. Pure cock and come, and some plastic, the lube, but it smelled fucked, and she couldn’t stop her tongue from digging into the fake pussy in hope of drops of him inside.

“Rey,” he whimpered again, his voice soft, trying to get her attention back on him.

“Have you used this since I told you to?”

He bit his lip and nodded.

She smiled. “You like fucking it now?”

“Makes me think of you,” he murmured, holding her eyes.

She moaned softly and put the Fleshlight away. Making sure he was watching, she peeled her jeans and then her panties down her legs until she was naked. She bounced onto the bed, straddling his stomach again, his skin against the wet, hot centre of her making her pussy flutter, but she ignored it. She shook the box of condoms out over his stomach, the little packets pooling on his chest and slipping off onto the sheet.

He looked so beautiful with his arms over his head, his hands tied and lazy, fingers curled soft, his head framed by his pale biceps, his chest forced to expand, offering his nipples up to her, defenceless.

“What about these? Do you like using these?” she teased, holding one up between her fingers.

His eyes were big and dark as he watched her. He shrugged tentatively.

“Do you want to use them with me? Do you want me to put one on you before you fuck me?”

He hesitated, then shook his head.

“No? You don’t? You want to fuck me raw, Ben? You want to come inside me, fill me up?”

She felt his dick tap her ass and he nodded.

“You want to feel my pussy on your skin?”

He nodded again.

She leant over him, wiggling her hips, her hands sinking into the mattress. “What about with other women?”

She felt his breath catch between her knees more than she heard or saw it.

“No.”

“No? Why not?”

“Safer.”

“You don’t want to be safe with me? You’re not worried about… fucking _breeding_ me?”

He keened just ever so faintly and shifted his hips, looking up at the ceiling as if finding control.

“No? You want that?”

“Rey.”

“What, baby? What is it?”

“…Touch me.”

She shook her head, and followed the path of her finger along his jaw with her eyes. “Not yet, baby, and I want you to ask nicely and say please.”

“Please, Rey.”

“I said not yet. Tell me, you didn’t want to knock those other women up? You didn’t know if you could trust them?”

He shook his head.

“Why do you trust me?”

She didn’t mean it to come out that way, but she realised she wanted to know, maybe needed to know. Why did he want her? He hadn’t bonded, not like she had. He was free. He was rich. She didn’t know what, if anything, she offered him. He looked at her for a long second and she waited, feeling something in her soul tremble.

“I just do,” he whispered at last. “You don’t smell sick, or taste sick, and… you don’t smell like- like I could… _breed_ you...”

It wasn’t exactly the answer she was looking for. She sat up and tidied the condoms back into the box, smiling. “You’re right, baby. I’m safe. I’ve got an implant, and I always get tested when I get them.” She tossed the box back into the drawer and closed it, then kissed the end of his nose. “I’d never hurt you like that, and if you ever want to fuck a baby into me, I’m gonna make damn sure you know that’s what you’re doing. I’d be screaming it.”

She kissed him until he was pulling at his restraints, then she went lower, pressing her face into his neck with such force that his head turned, exposing more of his skin to her as she inhaled, getting herself drunk on his scent. She licked him, tasting him, then sucked and bit marks down to his collarbones, taking her time and making him buck and writhe between her legs.

She slid off him and moved to the foot of the bed to tie his ankles down, his legs spread. He lifted his head to watch, but otherwise didn’t move and offered no resistance. When she was done, she ran her hands up his legs, squeezing and feeling his muscles as she took her place between them. His cock stood proudly from his hips, his balls tight beneath it, and beneath them, his ass. She ran a finger along his seam just because she could, then palmed his cock lazily, stroking it just to watch his skin slide.

“You are so beautiful,” she breathed, glancing up at his face and catching his eyes. Somehow, tying him up made him seem bigger, stronger, like Samson or Prometheus. He looked indomitable, and she knew he was allowing her to do this to him because he wanted her to, and that thought made her wetter. Her beautiful omega, not to be messed with.

She crawled up his body, leaving his cock alone for now, and kissed him again. When she pulled away, she stared down at his face, cushioned in a halo of soft black hair, fallen away from his ears without him noticing.

“I love you,” she said. She knew it was sudden, but it was true. She’d never said it before, only to Finn, but that was different. She’d never been _in_ love before, she hadn’t been raised in love. This was new, the way her heart could only take comfort from him and no one else.

Something moved beneath the surface of Ben’s dark eyes, and he sucked his lip into his mouth. His brows twitched together. “Do you?” he asked quietly. “You’re not just coked up on pheromones?”

“What pheromones? You’re not in heat, you’re on suppressants.”

“You know what I mean.”

Rey looked at him. He didn’t get it. He didn’t understand how she felt and he didn’t feel the same way, she _knew_ that – or she _had_ known that. She realised now that she had expected him to say it back, or say something. But she had said it primarily because it needed to be said, because she needed him to know, she couldn’t keep it in anymore. She hadn’t said it over text because she’d known it was too soon, that they weren’t there yet, that it was ridiculous when they couldn’t even see each other. She’d thought, since he’d asked her back from the restaurant knowing what that meant, that he felt the same, or something similar at least. That her love, or whatever this big feeling was called, would be welcome to him. She’d wanted to say it so he would understand, before they had sex, especially this kind of sex where he put up with her messing with him until she gave him his, that… she would never hurt him. She was incapable of it. She wasn’t doing this just to get her rocks off, or even just because she _liked_ him, but because this was supposed to be the first night of the rest of their lives.

She dropped her eyes to his chest instead. “Well. Whatever. I’ve said it now so…”

“Rey, I-”

“No, you don’t have to say it back, it’s okay-”

“But really I-”

“Don’t say it, don’t say anything, I mean it.” Her voice was maybe a bit sharp, but if he said it back to her now she’d think he was lying to save her feelings and then she would never, ever be able to believe him when he said it.

He looked conflicted.

“Really.” She forced a smile, trying to take the pressure off him. “I wouldn’t believe you anyway.” With that, she turned and straddled his chest, stuffing his cock in her mouth while she dribbled slick onto his chest. She felt him lift his head, trying to reach her pussy with his mouth, but she kept herself out of reach, teasing. He groaned and grunted as she sucked and jerked him, playing with his balls, working him up quickly.

He was delicious, addictive, like the freshest water when she was dying of thirst or the first gasp of air when she was suffocating, she needed it as much as she needed anything else vital to her survival. Only then was she comfortable, only then was all right with the world.

“Rey… Rey…” he chanted, his voice rough. “Please, alpha, just- Just let me taste you, let me make you come too, _please_ , I- I need it.”

She replaced her mouth with her hand while she looked over her shoulder at him, smirking. “I need it too, baby, and you will. You’ll make me come, but I want to play a game first. Just a little game. Make sure you tell me when you’re going to come like a good boy.”

“Soon,” he gasped.

She could feel how his abs tightened and rolled under her tits. “Soon?” she grinned.

“Yes. Ah! It’s coming- Rey!”

She took her hands away.

Ben let out a frustrated howl. “What are you doing? Why did you stop?”

She watched his dick jump futilely, grinning in delight as she imagined what he must be feeling. She giggled, giving it a poke, careful not to set him off. His hips rolled as if he could somehow force his dick into her hand to finish him.

“I’m sorry, baby, I’m just playing,” she cooed, sitting up and unsaddling. She moved round to face him, climbing over his spread leg so she could kneel at his groin. She blew over his cock as if cooling it, and it twitched again.

Ben watched her with an affronted expression, his lips red and wet and parted as he huffed down at her.

“I’ll make it better,” Rey said, then ducked her head down to suck him again, letting him watch this time, looking up into his eyes.

It only took a few moments before he was gasping again, and she could feel his dick get hotter in her mouth, and he pulled on his restraints and chanted her name. She pulled off, keeping her hands working smoothly over his shaft, and asked “Are you gonna come, babe?”

He nodded and moaned loudly, his head going back. Rey took her hands away.

His body flopped to the bed, his strings cut. “No! No, no, no, please Rey, please Alpha, don’t stop, keep going, touch me, touch me!”

Rey bit her lip as he stared at her and begged, mad with it, and touched her fingertip to his cockhead lightly, just enough to steer it around like a joystick. He sobbed as he realised she wasn’t going to make him come.

“Aren’t I bad?” she whispered almost to herself. “Doing this to you? Making you think you’re going to come when you’re _not_?” she tittered breathily.

She watched him catch his breath, his face turned away from her on the pillow, hair sweaty and fanned out beautifully, exposing his signature ears which were red with want and frustration. She waited until he was quiet, then crawled up his body. His breath hitched again when she held his dick up to her entrance.

“For real this time, okay, baby? No more playing. You’re really going to come this time, okay? Aren’t you? You’re going to squirt inside me and make me all messy, aren’t you?”

She watched him try to hold out, try to ignore her, but he wanted to come too badly so he faced her again and nodded, his lip in his mouth. She sunk down on him and he grunted. She shifted about, getting comfortable. His dick really was _so big_. She could feel it pressing bluntly on her cervix with the beginning of pain, keeping her from closing those last few millimetres to put her weight on him.

“I’m gonna knot you, baby, do you want that?” she asked, circling her hips.

His lip popped free of his mouth. “Yes, yes, god, yes.”

She smiled. “Okay, baby. Whatever you want.” Then she set to work, fucking him just how he liked, the right rhythm and roll to her hips, and as he cranked higher, she watched with her mouth open like she was putting mascara on or feeding a baby, as if it helped to push him somehow, guide him there. “Come for me, baby, come, hard as you can,” she said, slapping their bodies together, ignoring her own pleasure as his blunt cock sliding through her swollen cunt set her nerves sparking and swimming in delight. There was no way he could hold on until she came though.

“Please, don’t stop,” he begged desperately, limbs fighting against the ties that restrained him. “Don’t stop, don’t stop.” He trailed off into a groan and a sob as she let him come, working him up to the cliff and pushing him off it. As his wet heat flooded her cunt, her knot swelled with a twinge, and then he was locked in and coming, and she was moaning too as she sat on him to force his dick as deep as it would go so her knot would sit as comfortably as possible. God, she loved that feeling of squeezing and being blocked by his big thick cock feeding her womb. She shivered and shook on top of him as the head of him kissed her cervix, trying to make space for itself.

Unable to move, she couldn’t reach to untie him. Oops. She stroked his stomach and sides as they waited for her knot to deflate.

“Rey…” he began, his voice rough and ragged.

“Shh,” she stopped him. She didn’t know what he was going to say, and she didn’t want him scolding her for edging him or making any grand proclamations while they were stuck together and he was tied up. They just had to enjoy the moment in peace. She busied herself with combing through his pubic hair for lack of any other entertainment, and his dick twitched inside her.

He wasn’t in heat though, so as his dick softened, it slipped past her knot with a tight kiss, making him grunt, and Rey hurried to untie him, dripping come onto his stomach.

He rubbed his wrists and murmured “You didn’t come.”

“No…” She perched on the bed, her legs folded under her primly. “Ben, I want you to punish me. Will you?”

He froze, looking at her and holding her eyes.

“I-I’ve never asked anyone for that before but I-… I want…” She took a deep breath, bracing herself. “I trust you. I want you, like that. Part of me feels bad – has always felt bad – about… what I want. I did that to you without asking, without explaining-”

“Rey, I could have stopped you if I-”

“I know. But still. Part of me feels like I… hurt my omega. Like I didn’t take care of you. And I want to be punished for it. Because you’re… Well. You. Because I never had that. I want to feel what discipline is like.”

Slowly, Ben looked away from her and started moving again, twisting his wrist in the circle of his other hand. He was thinking about it. “Is this to do with that adult stuff again?” he asked quietly.

“Maybe. I think I just want to feel… someone who lo- someone who cares about me be rough with me? For my own good? I don’t know. Maybe I’ll hate it. But I want you to take from me. I want to feel how strong you are.”

Ben grunted. Rey chewed her lip, waiting. Maybe he wouldn’t want to. He’d seemed like he might before, but… He was an omega after all. He probably didn’t find this behaviour sexy in an alpha.

“What did you have in mind?”

“… I want you to spank me.”

Something flickered across his face but she missed it because he was still looking away from her and it didn’t fill her with confidence. But then Ben swung his legs around so he was sat on the edge of the bed and he patted his thigh, apparently inviting her there.

Rey scrambled to comply. She’d never done this before and was awkward getting into position, but Ben put his hand on her hip and pulled her up his lap, the strength in the movement making her gasp. As she tilted her ass up for him, the wet lips of her cunt pulsing with her heartbeat, Rey’s blood sang. She felt- She felt _chastened,_ humbled. She felt small. And she felt _cared for_. She felt free, indulging this with him, Ben, her perfect Ben. This was right, this was so right.

“You’re giving me control?” he asked, his voice deep.

Rey nodded quickly.

“You’re sure?”

“I’m sure.”

“And you want me to hurt you?”

“Yes.” She wanted to sound sure, but her voice wobbled just a little. Ben was big and strong. She was sure he wouldn’t give her more than she could take but… She’d never done this before.

“…Alright. If you don’t want to do it anymore, just tell me.”

“I will.”

“Then… put your arms behind your back.”

Rey wriggled, struggling a little with where her weight would fall as she crossed her wrists behind her back. Ben spread his thighs and positioned her with his hands again, making sure her hips were stable on one leg, while her chest was on the other, checking she could still breathe. Then, one of his big hands closed over her wrists, holding her as surely as cuffs, and Rey’s heart fluttered in anticipation. His other hand rubbed her ass cheek.

“I don’t want to hit you. I’m not going to spank you like you want me to.”

“Wha-?” Rey tried to get up, if he wasn’t going to do it, but Ben pressed her back down, and she almost shivered in delight at the raw strength in just one of his arms.

“But if you want me to hurt you, punish you… I can do that.” He sounded almost hypnotised.

One long finger pushed inside her, making her pussy clench and her breath catch. She waited in suspense to see what he was going to do, but he just pulled his finger back out and palmed her ass cheek, squeezing, and then squeezing harder, his fingers digging in until she grunted with the pain and squirmed on his lap. When he took his hand away, her muscle throbbed hotly, and she could feel where his wet finger had been as it chilled in the air, raising goosebumps.

He stroked down her slit. “You didn’t let me come,” he mused quietly.

Rey didn’t reply, too hyper-focused on his hands.

“Did you?” he prompted her. “Did you, Rey?” He pinched her, almost on the inside of her crack, a sharp bite of pain that made her jump.

“Uh! No, no I didn’t.”

“Hmm…” He rubbed his thumb where he had pinched her. “You played games with me. You tied me up, and played games with me. Didn’t you?”

“Yes.” Rey had learned he wanted answers now.

“That was bad of you, don’t you think so?”

“Yes.”

“You should be punished?”

She nodded, swallowing, expecting the pain to come now.

“Are you going to apologise?”

“Oh! Uh…” She frowned, unsure of what he wanted to hear.

But it seemed that that was a good enough response because he leaned over her, his hair brushing cool against her shoulder as he spoke into her ear. “I’m going to make you apologise,” he promised. “And I’m not going to let you go until you mean it.”

Another pinch on the seam where her thigh met her ass made her twitch again. It wasn’t what she’d been expecting, and the uncertainty of what was to come was unsettling but… it made it a purer experience than if he had done exactly as she’d asked. She wanted to give him control. She wanted to show him her trust. She wanted to see what he would do, learn about him. He’d said he didn’t want to hit her. What would he do then?

He stroked her cunt again. “You’re my alpha.”

“Y-yes.”

“You care about me.”

“Yes.”

“But you teased me.”

Rey opened her mouth to answer, but the words stuck.

“Didn’t you?”

“Yes!”

“And that was bad?” He seemed to be building up to something, and he needed to talk himself into it.

“Yes.” She followed the slow smooth flow of his fingertips slicking over her pussy, wet and hot and aching at his teasing. She squirmed again.

“Don’t move!” he snapped, tightening his grip on her wrists with a shake that didn’t hurt but startled her, made her gasp, kept her on the edge so she didn’t get complacent or fall into the trap of thinking she knew what would come next, and she felt her pussy squeeze out another pulse of hot slick for him. “You’ll take what I give you.”

“Yes, Ben. I will.”

He hummed. “Good.” He teased her for another moment, then pushed his finger back inside, the angle strange and new in this position. He seemed to notice, because he turned his hand so he could rub his fingertip against her front wall making her moan and hang her head even as she forced herself to stay still.

Then he whispered, “Why did you do that, Alpha?” and he sounded- he sounded _hurt_.

“Wh-What?” Rey flipped her hair, trying to get up again, turning her head to look at him, but he snapped her down again before she could get a clear look at his face.

He added a second finger. “Why did you do that to me?” he breathed, sounding distraught, almost on the verge of tears.

“I-I- Ben, I- Didn’t mean to- I- Was just playing,” Rey fumbled, scrambling to catch up to what was happening. This wasn’t part of the game. He wasn’t supposed to be sad.

“You were just playing… I didn’t think it was funny.”

“I’m sorry!” She realised then she’d done exactly what he’d said she would, she’d apologised.

“Are you?”

“Yes! I’m sorry!” Would he stop being sad now? It was a terrible dissonance, pleasure melting and curling through her from his fingers, while his voice made her feel _terrible_.

“Don’t you care about me?” he whimpered.

If only he would _believe_ her! “Yes! I do! You _know_ that! I do, Ben, I care about you so much!”

“Then how could you do that to me?” He moved to three fingers now, and even through the sopping mess of her fucked cunt, there was still the sharp edge of a stretch.

She grunted, putting her chin on her chest for a second as she tried to focus. “I- I-”

“How could you, Alpha?”

“I’m sorry.” It was all she could say. Guilt tore her up. He was right. She hadn’t taken care of him, and even now she was on the verge of coming when he was upset. She was the worst. He twisted his fingers inside her and she almost sobbed.

He clicked his tongue. “Playing with me… Your omega… Cruel.”

“I’m sorry, Ben, I’m sorry!”

“You say that, but are you?”

“Yes!”

“Are you?” He thrust his fingers roughly into her.

“ _Yes!_ ”

His thumb started circling her clit and it felt like forgiveness. She moaned, trembling with the effort of staying still and not pushing back against his hand. He leant down to her again and kissed her shoulder. “I believe you,” he murmured, and the hurt was gone from his voice but Rey still felt raw. “Are you going to do it again?”

Rey shook her head frantically and sniffed.

“You can… I don’t mind.”

She shook her head harder. She would never, ever hurt him like that again. From there on out, she would lavish him with orgasms every second they were together, as an alpha should.

“We can talk about it. Are you going to come, sweetheart?”

Rey dared a glance at him, as his face was so close, and nodded. She’d been trying not to while he’d been upset, but if he was going to keep touching her like that with those big long fingers…

“Yeah? Alright, get up,” he said, pulling his fingers out suddenly and giving her a gentle push off his lap so that she stumbled to her feet on wobbly legs like a foal. He turned her so her back was to him, then kicked her feet apart.

Then he pushed on her back, encouraging her to bend forwards.

She glanced at him. It was hard to imagine a more revealing position. The corner of his mouth lifted and he shrugged one shoulder, naked, knees spread, hair mussed, lips bitten red. He looked much more confident than she felt, so she haltingly bent down, reaching for the ground.

His finger traced from the base of her spine, through the valley of her ass, bumping over her hole, notching into her pussy, and flicking off her clit.

“I could get used to this,” he praised her, then he took her hips in his hands and leant forward, licking up her crack before kissing her hole, pressing against it with his tongue without entering. Rey whimpered, and he obligingly moved on to eat her pussy, rubbing his face against her before sucking her clit until she came, shaking.

He caught her when her legs collapsed, pulling her back into his lap. He held her there and tidied her hair off her face strand by strand. “Okay?” he asked.

Rey wasn’t sure. She felt like she’d been wearing a shell all her life and he’d just cracked it off her, her skin raw underneath but finally free to expand and grow and _feel_. She nodded, and offered a small smile, so he smiled back and kissed her cheek, messy with sweat and slick.

“Good girl. That’s my good girl.”

Rey glowed.

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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